Kids: Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go...

By Anonymous - 22/08/2013 04:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 934

You deserved it 3 766

Kids

Mama's boy

Hiding from the drama

Great family you've got there

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 733

You deserved it 6 975

By vegeta - 24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 908

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 00:00 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 126

You deserved it 1 070

By Anonymous - 10/08/2015 00:37 - United States - Plano

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 725

You deserved it 2 527

By Sammy - 27/04/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 735

You deserved it 5 530

By Anon - 18/09/2013 17:48 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss decided that we no longer have to clock out for cigarette breaks, but we do for toilet breaks. I'm the only non-smoker on my floor, and I'm getting penalised for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 601

You deserved it 3 156

By 9inchsofty - 20/09/2018 14:00

Today, I took my truck through an automatic car wash. During the wash, the bristles on one of the automatic scrubbers ripped my metal antenna off of my car. The antenna was stuck spinning around in the scrubber, smacking and scratching the entire side of my car, top to bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 977

You deserved it 931

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 28/06/2014 01:02 - United States - Imperial

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 847

You deserved it 10 700

By rugs - 06/08/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 563

You deserved it 5 793

By couturier - 02/01/2010 07:08 - France

Today, I emptied out a bottle of water onto my porch as I was going into my house. Only a couple of hours later, I decided to leave and slipped on what had turned into ice, bruised my tailbone and sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 933

You deserved it 36 115

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that the "nasty smell" in my room, which I cannot detect, does not exist. It was just my stepmother trying to make me go insane deep-cleaning my room for her personal amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 008

You deserved it 259

By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 468

You deserved it 7 566

By Wheel chair bound - 16/12/2016 21:14 - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 389

You deserved it 572

Is Leatherface next?

By ThosePoorKids - 30/05/2018 01:30

Today, I heard my brother and sister-in-law discussing whether they should name my soon-to-be-born niece Annabelle or Samara. My nephews are named Jason, Freddy and Chucky. See the pattern? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 507

You deserved it 404

Themed

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Burlington

Today, I blew Christmas out of my nose. Out of one nostril came thick green mucus, and out of the other, thick red blood. Let the holiday season begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 123

By anx133 - 16/01/2009 01:25 - China

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 457

You deserved it 6 648

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 289

You deserved it 35 637

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 04:02 - United States - Portland

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 028

You deserved it 3 670

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was refereeing at a kids' soccer tournament and a deer ran across one of the fields. Some of the parents then claimed that a deer on the field meant a free kick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 110

By sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - 12/07/2015 19:56 - United States - Killeen

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 038

You deserved it 2 865

By Anonymous - 29/04/2013 07:25 - France

Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 045

You deserved it 6 270

By katsaysner - 17/10/2014 17:56 - United States - Unity

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 786

You deserved it 4 682

By Anonymous - 18/04/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 257

By justno - 29/06/2014 00:26 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 149

You deserved it 5 256

By Anonymous - 12/11/2014 17:21 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 722

You deserved it 3 809

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 558

You deserved it 4 956

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

By Lonely - 05/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my only daughter and her boyfriend sat me down for an important talk. I was thrilled, thinking they were engaged or pregnant. They actually wanted to tell me they're moving half way around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 132

By thesitter - 10/05/2009 13:18 - United States

Today, while babysitting, I gave the boy a pen and paper because he wanted to draw me. When he was done, he let me see but then said, "Wait! I'm not done." He took it back and basically colored in the arms. I said, "I'm not wearing long-sleeves." He said, "That's hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 255

You deserved it 8 135

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 989

You deserved it 4 163

By CHStennis_4 - 03/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 236

You deserved it 3 852

By eat my fucking ass, boss - 06/12/2013 23:37 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 368

You deserved it 3 258

By anbrown6 - 12/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 585

You deserved it 9 753

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 962

You deserved it 59 128

By steveinnewsoh - 18/01/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 938

You deserved it 2 906

By Boyufd - 09/09/2018 03:30

Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 846

You deserved it 213

Take the W

By FML - 18/01/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 4 752

By Judy - 19/09/2012 23:33 - United States - Altoona

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 3 112

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 14:02

Today, my father decided that he "wants to get rich." His method of choice? Bitcoin trading. He's already lost a lot of money, but won't stop, because, "he doesn't listen to haters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 64

By anonymous - 19/10/2011 12:19 - Australia

Today, my best friend who I have known for ten years recommended I didn't continue a relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she wanted to go out with me which I was hoping for, for a long time. Turns out she wanted to go out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 876

You deserved it 6 920

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 008

You deserved it 3 096

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Top comments

Quest_ 13

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:01

Well, that's horrifying.

AppleJuiceBox 10

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:03

Sounds like a completely appropriate time to smack the shit out of this innappropriate teenager.

Quest_ 13

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:01

Well, that's horrifying.

DocBastard 38

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:16

Horrifying? No. Perverted and creepy? Yes.

Damian95 16

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Thursday 22 August 2013 17:02

Perverted and creepy combined are basically horrifying in a sense. If you can read this fml and not be shocked and slightly afraid then you are one strange person.

Caitie_kid 8

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Thursday 22 August 2013 17:15

Gross. What a terrible mother. Next time don't tell her, just crush his balls until he lets go.

TheCanucklehead 22

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Thursday 22 August 2013 18:49

Next time, let him grab hers. If she complains, say he's a little kid and doesn't know better

TheCanucklehead 22

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Thursday 22 August 2013 18:50

Of course there is the odd chance she could like it

omgitsmoe 26

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Thursday 22 August 2013 18:55

Seems your bro will be an incest porn star

shaww 28

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Friday 23 August 2013 0:41

I think he's just practicing ;)

MrsDruidess 23

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Friday 23 August 2013 9:29

that is horrifying! OP if he's going to treat you like your not his sister (creepy) than treat him like any other girl would if he did that, junk punch him!! If that's over the line for you, a good hard slap access the face. Next time it could be a girl at school and he could get in real trouble! Handle this in the privacy of your own home.

_Princess_Peach_ 9

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Friday 23 August 2013 10:17

Horrifying, yes. I picture OPs brother covered in sperm with dirty brown fingernails, a crusty nose and a rapists stare. So grim. So, so grim.

OtakuKev 7

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Monday 25 November 2013 10:13

I am a man who does not know what horror is, but instead I am horror itself... Yeah I guess I am strange. TO THE OTAKU LAIR

A7XfoREVer6 10

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:03

Slap him next time.

thepunman 11

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:07

This actually happened to me, except it was with a bagel.

DntLookBack 29

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:15

You were slapped with a bagel for grabbing your sisters boobs?

thepunman 11

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:17

No a bagel boobed my sister for slapping me.

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Thursday 22 August 2013 17:02

I wouldn't eat a bagel that attacked my little soldier.. That's something straight out of a horror movie. The Cock Eating Bagel Part 2.

Redoxx_fml 22

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Thursday 22 August 2013 18:03

14-Slap me with a bagel

thatnucca 36

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Thursday 22 August 2013 18:13

I second that and a second slap to make him temporarily lose feeling in his creepy boob grabbing hand.

SJParker 13

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Friday 23 August 2013 8:34

8- i don't know why you got downvoted; both of your comments were hilarious

dubby21 19

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Sunday 24 July 2016 21:47

I would punch him not slap him. Gross.

anythingmustbe 18

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:03

Incest is Wincest!

AppleJuiceBox 10

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:03

Sounds like a completely appropriate time to smack the shit out of this innappropriate teenager.

thatnucca 36

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Thursday 22 August 2013 18:11

I hate it when parents allow this kind of creepy behavior by their kids.

Peppyoctopus 13

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:04

Pervy much- next time smack him

Wakachulak 22

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Thursday 22 August 2013 20:29

Pretty hard to do if he's figured out how to do the underarm grab, which by the sound of the FML he has.

herh1996 6

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Friday 23 August 2013 1:18

next time beat the shit out of him

letmehavemytea 21

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:05

I agree with everyone else; smack the little brat until he does know better.

anythingmustbe 18

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Thursday 22 August 2013 16:08

That is some pretty fucked up shit. I think it would be breast if he saw a psychiatrist. Hopefully he will not milk the opportunity you mum has given him.