Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML
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Top comments
MaddogTotten 0
I would buy a shitton of that stuff.
jchansfan 0
You sir, are an idiot. lmao Haven't you ever watched Home Alone? lmao
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Comments (109)
shankapotamous15 3
ummm...wow. that sounds pretty painful lol.
awesometastic101 0
u need 2 get laid
Jbiebs82 0
no offence #2 please change your pic, you don't look good like that. and sorry man, buzz u for having "me time"
PwningLamp1 0
27 is awesome
dabomblyktiktikk 0
GO **** SOMEONE! they'd enjoy that.
tohaveandtohold 0
y the he'll wouldbu use shaving cream?????????
Chocolate_Chunk 2
ydi for being circumcised. j/k, but I can't really imagine how unnerving it would be to always have to hunt for lube..
jjboy157 2
lol if it was only swollen to the size of your fist you REALLY need to get that checked out
Leftieswillrule 3
rawdog it you pussy
ItsmeRJ_ 0
Fisting?