Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML
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Top comments
MaddogTotten 0
I would buy a shitton of that stuff.
jchansfan 0
You sir, are an idiot. lmao Haven't you ever watched Home Alone? lmao
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Comments (109)
igotabigego 0
hahaha and u couldnt wait? lol YDI
Twitch04 0
Lotion of any kind isn't even needed anyway. Apply some pressure, rub the skin against the muscle underneath. =P
ShadowCzar 5
Thats what i do.
joemk2012 0
this may suck but now is a great time to wear tight pants and go to a club
jesse105 0
you sir are my hero for that.
nwwrestler103 0
ouch!
samguy321 1
is that a bad thing
pasadenarebel1 0
heres a sullotion to ur problem dumb **** antimastbatory cream dumbass
dontizzle 0
wow.
skizz_fml 0
sounds lik u hav a small fist
Pimpshine99 0
^ win
Senken_ 0
that's worse than jacking off with alcohol
lifelongEPICFAIL 0
oh fail, that happened to me but instead of aftershave cream, i used shampoo, and it got in the little hole, Yeah not fun...