Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one... - FML

By Anonymous - 2/7/2015 04:49 - Australia - Townsville

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

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Gas giant

My body, my choice

A beautiful truck decoration

By pothole - 3/3/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2019 00:24 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML

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By apparently inexperienced - 11/9/2012 16:54 - United States - Brockton

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

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By Sonotsuave - 4/3/2019 08:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

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By DezyCoCo - 1/10/2016 05:14 - United States - Penfield

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2013 17:14 - Sweden - Floda

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

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By Almost Fired - 15/8/2019 12:00

Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 18:27 - United States - Westerville

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2015 20:42 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

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By suppressinggags - 18/3/2016 19:45 - United States - Kennett

Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML

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By thats_not_good - 28/5/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

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By CreepedOut - 9/3/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 04:59 - Canada

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2016 09:25 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 18:54 - United States - Goldendale

Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML

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By funfettifirework - 18/8/2016 05:08 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I almost got our office burned down by plugging the wrong charger into a laptop cooling fan. Tried to hide the incident and kept it casual but the smoke detector led it to my area and everyone knew I was the culprit. I'm a new hire too. FML

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By shadow - 26/12/2017 08:00 - United States - Osceola

Today, my mother-in-law told my fiancé that I had to leave and wasn’t allowed to live there anymore. I own the house. She’s mad because I locked the door so she couldn't walk in anytime she wanted. FML

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By lonelygirl - 9/4/2013 04:59 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I didn't mind paying a little bit extra for my manicure because I forgot how nice it was to have someone hold your hand. Even if it was an old Asian lady. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2018 01:30

Today, my wife admitted that she purposefully starts fights with me purely because she enjoys arguing and seeing me flustered. Don't marry a lawyer. FML

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By sadsenior - 13/3/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2014 16:32 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

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By anonymous - 30/7/2015 22:04 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

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By tj - 26/8/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

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By STUPID BIRTHDAY - 5/3/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I set up a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

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By wrecked - 23/1/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I totaled my car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road for a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue for "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test my mental stability. FML

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By FrOsTy25 - 13/4/2011 22:57

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2018 12:00 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML

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By holiday from hell - 25/12/2013 01:12 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

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By movingbuddy - 8/1/2013 13:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

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By SiegFail - 23/11/2017 05:00

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

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By smarterthanmymum - 26/5/2011 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

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By Can’t Cope - 19/11/2017 19:00

Today my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML

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By wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe - 7/8/2013 20:55 - Sweden

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

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By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

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By Flavorite - 10/2/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

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By Belgian girl - 22/3/2017 19:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

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By soldnone - 18/11/2012 10:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

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Top comments

By Zman2017 | 18

#6338243 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:37

I have to feel like maybe you were the one being annoying.....

By photogirlinlove | 16

#6338242 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:36

Irony is a cruel bitch.

COMMENTS

By photogirlinlove | 16

#6338242 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:36

Irony is a cruel bitch.

Reply

KatieKoala | 19

#6338245 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:37

Agreed my friend, agreed

Reply

MyNameIsLaughter | 18

#6338321 - Thursday 2 July 2015 17:59

#4 Pressing thumbs up says that you agree. There's no need to comment...

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#6338332 - Thursday 2 July 2015 18:05

Pressing thumbs down says you disagree there's no need to co-

..hey wait a minute.

Reply

littleking94 | 14

#6338420 - Thursday 2 July 2015 19:41

#33 if you're gonna be a smart ass, don't be a dumb one.

Reply

xDeadlyBlade99x | 9

#6338829 - Friday 3 July 2015 4:39

Lol #38 this could go forever, and is anyone else here wondering what this guy did... did he harass her or just be annoying xD

Reply

MyNameIsLaughter | 18

#6339059 - Friday 3 July 2015 10:32

Dang... I didn't realize how big a butthole I made myself look like. I apologize #4. I'm not really like that, and I'll think more before commenting for now on.

By Zman2017 | 18

#6338243 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:37

I have to feel like maybe you were the one being annoying.....

Reply

Soloman212 | 28

#6338253 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:38

Unreliable narrators are the best.

Reply

ThatOneChick856 | 36

#6338297 - Thursday 2 July 2015 17:25

Whether or not the OP was the annoying one, it sure was a helluva way to burn bridges!

Reply

Miss_Mandi | 29

#6338428 - Thursday 2 July 2015 19:46

This. This is exactly what I thought.
And you quit your job over the guy. I hope jobs grow on trees over there.

By MandyMeow_fml | 18

#6338244 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:37

Karma just bit you in the ass.

By DaEpicTaco | 13

#6338246 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:37

Fyi op at least you don't have to deal with him anymore.

Reply

DaEpicTaco | 13

#6338319 - Thursday 2 July 2015 17:57

I meant FYL lol fml

Reply

mswhatever | 18

#6338326 - Thursday 2 July 2015 18:03

You're a special kind of stupid aren't you? OP now has to deal with him at her new job.

Reply

chinaski7628 | 32

#6338327 - Thursday 2 July 2015 18:03

He's a customer at her new job. She DOES have to deal with him. That's the whole point.

By CommentKing207 | 23

#6338247 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:37

How could you have not known he was a customer? Do you not have name tags or uniforms?

Reply

CommentKing207 | 23

#6338265 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:44

Oh man I read it wrong. I thought that he was a regular at your old work and you quit because of him. I should seriously stop commenting :/

Reply

danimal_crackerz | 26

#6338536 - Thursday 2 July 2015 22:02

Where you smoking weed (everyday) when you read it? XD

By HUGBUG | 23

#6338248 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:37

Lol you got what was coming to you, That's karma

By Myo_fml | 20

#6338249 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:37

Well, I guess the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

By Wolfipoo | 31

#6338250 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:38

That sucks OP, hope you don't get fired from him trying to get "revenge", but good luck at your new job.

Reply

thawny_fml | 21

#6338388 - Thursday 2 July 2015 19:13

Just do what all girls do when they don't get their way. Tell everyone he was sexually harassing you.

Reply

lizgb80 | 19

#6339135 - Friday 3 July 2015 13:08

With logic and sensitivity like that #42 I can't help but assume that you will have your very own sexual lawsuit one day. Enjoy it, I'm sure it will be well earned.

By Econforthwin | 15

#6338251 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:38

Is there any chance the problem is you OP? I'm not saying it is, I'm just wondering. If he truly sucks, you'll just have to enjoy the time he isn't at your new job.

Reply

IridianShadow | 20

#6338516 - Thursday 2 July 2015 21:28

As much as I agree that OP was being immature, working with someone and them being a customer are completely different things.

By knocturne | 7

#6338252 - Thursday 2 July 2015 16:38

There's a lot to be said about being the bigger person