Lingo

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 08:02

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 1 480

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 15:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 745

You deserved it 2 944

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 17:01

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 20:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 614

You deserved it 6 636

By Countdown has begun - 16/05/2019 12:58

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 216

By rkl2010 - 23/05/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 460

You deserved it 3 455

When you gotta go…

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, my youngest son, for the third time, decided that the toilet is not where he wants to go to the bathroom. This wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't also squatting in the yard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 205

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 799

You deserved it 6 581

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 172

By kids - 12/05/2014 05:17

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 816

You deserved it 5 628

Don't worry dad

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 18:00

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 237

You deserved it 494

TinScarecrow 15

Tuesday 14 July 2020 9:55

It's a common joke. No reason to get bent out of shape over it

ojoRojo 27

Tuesday 14 July 2020 16:37

How does this eff your life, exactly? Sounds like a minor concern that was quickly clarified.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 14 July 2020 8:09

He's ******** in the pool?!?!

TinScarecrow 15

Tuesday 14 July 2020 9:55

It's a common joke. No reason to get bent out of shape over it

Win 9

Tuesday 14 July 2020 12:41

What is common to you may not be common to others. No need to assume and get “bent out of shape” over it.

TinScarecrow 15

Wednesday 15 July 2020 1:09

They wrote an FML over it. I just pointed out it's a common phrase 🙄

ojoRojo 27

Tuesday 14 July 2020 16:37

How does this eff your life, exactly? Sounds like a minor concern that was quickly clarified.

FinkiusMaximus 7

Tuesday 14 July 2020 19:53

I used to think that expression referred to . . . depositing, er, potential children in the toilet. I was surprised people were so casual about it and how much of a necessity it often seemed.