Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML
Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML
Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, my father gave me the best birthday gift, a piece of real estate. I got a grave, which is leased. FML
Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year-olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML
Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML
Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML
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Top comments
Yunie_fml 0
Someone's in a hurry to get those great-grandchildren.
Emika_fml 0
That's an awesome gift! Where can I buy one?
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Comments (84)
McZeal 0
he's just trying to help you get some action
mac_fml 0
wow, he still must be pretty sharp for his old age. thats an awesome gift!
This_Guy 0
I need one of these, but with percentages of available women instead.
fatass_ninja 0
who doesn't?
Bryany 0
Ha ha ha ha, maybe not funny for you but I think your Grandfather has a brilliant sense of humour! :D
matt19 0
totally agree with #9 couldnt think of a funnier think to give my brother
gnoo_fml 0
male or female, your grandpa is still real funny!
yeahreally 6
lol how subtle...
cchamp27 0
Your grandpas amazing
dk2008 3
so what state has the highest percentage?
NorfolkDude 2
Are you certain the map was intended as it states? I know some old people just pick up things and give them. It's part of growing old in that they don't really perceive things as you do, so perhaps he got you this gift based on something you told him a while back. Heck, I know once I told my grandma I feel like eating peanuts, and my birthday, several months later, I got tons of regular peanuts that you buy at the gas station. So yeah, I don't think this is a FML. Just tell your grandpa thanks, and take it as nothing. I mean think about it for a second... why would he give you a map of the entire US of single guys? At most, if he wanted you to meet someone, he would give you something locally. Perhaps you once told him you're looking for a guy and he just came up with this as a way to say there are plenty of singles out there.