Miscellaneous: Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday.... - FML

By poppet2010 - 17/01/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 629

You deserved it 2 829

Own it

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

So compassionate

By Anonymous - 10/01/2014 16:12 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 231

You deserved it 5 665

By hiddenplainly - 24/02/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 202

You deserved it 1 212

By singleladynow - 20/01/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, I bought something special at Victoria's Secret, then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 2 hours to get to my boyfriend's house. When I got there, he broke up with me. We're 37 years old and he actually gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 293

You deserved it 3 388

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Spicy

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 763

You deserved it 58 623

By Bella - 26/10/2018 03:00

Today, I finally managed to kiss the guy of my dreams. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, and he softly said, "You know I'm dating another girl right now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 121

You deserved it 514

By TheBuster - 05/09/2017 01:30

Today, I surprised my wife with a spa day during our mini vacation with the kids. I booked her a facial and mani/pedi at the resort, figuring I would take the kids while she relaxed. Her reaction? "I hate the spa. Why would you waste that money? I'm not going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 371

You deserved it 706

By hatemyjob - 05/11/2009 09:44 - Australia

Today, I found out that the new receptionist earns more than I do. I'm an undergraduate accountant and I've been working there for 2 years. Oh and I started out as the receptionist before I got a "promotion". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 686

You deserved it 2 473

By Brotherssuckkk - 18/01/2010 20:04 - France

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 101

You deserved it 4 790

By roachblend - 12/09/2010 08:00 - Taiwan

Today, I got out our electric fan because it was very hot. A cockroach crawled up behind the frame on the fan and fell into the gap of the frame. It got itself killed by the rotating fan, and had its blended flesh sent flying all over my white polo shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 611

You deserved it 4 135

By misc - 08/06/2011 17:52 - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 729

You deserved it 7 215

By WhyGodWhy - 18/10/2016 06:33 - United States - Addison

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 586

You deserved it 795

By Username - 16/04/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 858

You deserved it 4 677

By vstan - 25/08/2010 00:48 - United States

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 396

You deserved it 5 103

By Anonymous - 17/08/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 300

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 972

You deserved it 31 219

By TCRII - 13/06/2018 15:52

Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 423

You deserved it 371

By almost jobless - 11/07/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 603

You deserved it 32 736

By socianx - 18/08/2013 21:23 - Albania

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 090

You deserved it 5 653

By rene - 22/08/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 807

You deserved it 3 342

By LostInSunday - 15/08/2016 08:11

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 219

You deserved it 2 773

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 17:18 - Germany

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 812

You deserved it 42 192

By Fluffy - 11/01/2012 12:51 - United States

Today, I had to run a timed mile. I'm terrible at running. During the run, I thought I was doing a good job. That is, until the teacher told me to stop because I was three laps behind everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 6 220

By frosho - 09/03/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said,"You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 372

You deserved it 5 590

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 01:20 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 110

You deserved it 3 833

By kernewek - 26/05/2011 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 407

You deserved it 20 891

By box butt - 07/03/2017 00:00

Today, after much dieting and exercise, I can proudly say that my love handles are now bigger than my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 324

You deserved it 615

By Anonymous - 21/08/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 227

You deserved it 3 127

By notout - 17/10/2017 15:00

Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 361

You deserved it 433

By hungry hungry harvey - 08/05/2016 16:56 - United States

Today, my wife is so determined to keep me on my diet that, as I'm off work for the next week, she has gotten rid of all the food in the house. She has also taken the phones and iPads so I can't order a takeaway, and taken all my trousers so I can't walk to the shops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 568

You deserved it 2 506

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 024

You deserved it 7 049

Alexa, play "In The City" by The Jam

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 08:03

Today, after I was told my new apartment in the city I’m moving to for work had off-street parking, the only car that could possibly fit is a Mini if it had first been sawn in half. I parked my perfectly normal Citroen as close to the wall as I could, but my back wheels were still on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 130

By megean c.l. - 20/01/2013 21:36 - United States

Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 7 995

By DUMMIE - 04/03/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 605

You deserved it 30 221

By Anonymous - 14/04/2011 05:49 - United States

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 196

You deserved it 7 847

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 15:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 701

You deserved it 4 656

Prissy

By barfyshirt - 06/12/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 881

You deserved it 7 176

By Username - 15/07/2010 19:53 - France

Today, I went to the dentist. My dentist kept talking to me while his hands were in my mouth. I attempted to tell him that it was difficult and dangerous to respond. My talking made him slip and slice my mouth open with one of his instruments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 127

You deserved it 10 016

Omicron : Origin story

By IHaveThePower - 30/11/2021 11:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went in for a job interview. Apparently, this company feels masks are optional, vaccines are optional, and I don't ever need to visit my grandmother with dementia again. Luckily, I was able to escape before I needed to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 430

By ilovemybrother - 28/10/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 971

You deserved it 4 730

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 616

You deserved it 7 452

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xx_irish_rose_xx 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:00

wow thats really mean, i really hope the uncle that died wasnt HIS own son

Moemoemoe_fml 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:17

WTF do the current events have to do with anything in people's families??? That's one of the dumbest things I've heard all week!! And who are you to judge and say the grandpa needs his arse kicked, much less by his grandson/granddaughter?? For all we know maybe the uncle was a total jerk who'd been a weight in the family all his life, hence the grandpa's feelings. He's too harsh maybe, but you expecting some young kid kicking some old guy is ridiculous. Think before you write idiocies.

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Sunday 17 January 2010 19:58

OO now thats just wrong.. kick his behind into the next week! how horrible XX especially with these current events :'( he has no heart im sorry for your loss *hug*

Moemoemoe_fml 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:17

WTF do the current events have to do with anything in people's families??? That's one of the dumbest things I've heard all week!! And who are you to judge and say the grandpa needs his arse kicked, much less by his grandson/granddaughter?? For all we know maybe the uncle was a total jerk who'd been a weight in the family all his life, hence the grandpa's feelings. He's too harsh maybe, but you expecting some young kid kicking some old guy is ridiculous. Think before you write idiocies.

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:49

this is coming from a guy named moe? XD message me and ill explain it ....

livinthefridge13 1

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Monday 13 June 2011 5:32

balls to you moe, i actually get what daydream star is saying

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Sunday 24 July 2011 12:58

More like FML for your uncle. :O

obnum 19

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Friday 30 March 2012 3:42

Old people are so funny hehe

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Sunday 17 January 2010 19:59

#1, Nice comment, asshole.. But that sucks, FYL.

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:31

uh, what are you going on about, jayjay?

bryce_causovski 12

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Monday 3 August 2015 14:49

J

adi2 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 19:59

lmao! old timer. cheers to ur grand pa, sorry for your loss.

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 6:26

woah wait WTF if he's dead how'd he say that it was a good bday wish? sorry if I'm wrong in reading this incorrectly but that's the impression I got.

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 6:28

oh nvm I got it

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:00

second 

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:05

haha so do I, he sounds epic

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Sunday 17 January 2010 23:05

What do you mean epic, he liked that his SON died. I don't care how old he is, he is a horrible man.

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Sunday 17 January 2010 23:29

it doesn't say that it was his son, it could be his daughters husband.

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:57

Yeah, that's MUCH better.

CyclonePsycho 1

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Monday 18 January 2010 3:21

Actually it is. It's one thing for a father to not love his own son. It's another to not love some other guy's son. Not saying his comment is warrented, not saying it isn't. But a son is on a different level than a son-in-law.

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:00

wow! that's terrible.

xx_irish_rose_xx 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:00

wow thats really mean, i really hope the uncle that died wasnt HIS own son

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Monday 26 September 2011 3:59

Even if it wasn't, it's just as wrong

saranottelling 7

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:01

There is an uncle my grandpa would probably be happy to see go. But, I know that if we told him my uncle died he would be a little sad that my uncle wasn't annoying and a disappointment anymore.

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:03

hug train for the OP *hug*

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:05

wow that was mean

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:05

how is this YOUR fml?

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Sunday 17 January 2010 23:20

^ This. If anyone's life is effed its your uncle's and he's already dead.

Euphorically 14

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Monday 18 January 2010 1:56

Exactly. Unless he was morbidly upset his present wasn't the best. ;l

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Monday 18 January 2010 3:25

relax, OP is just relaying a story. it's not like the uncle can do it now

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Monday 18 January 2010 7:37

Wouldn't it be cooler if they posted this from the uncles point of view ?? :P

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Monday 18 January 2010 14:08

Exactly.

lilmisslovely13 15

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Wednesday 20 April 2011 1:21

that's exactly what i thought!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 129

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 44