Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML
Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML
Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, my father gave me the best birthday gift, a piece of real estate. I got a grave, which is leased. FML
Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year-olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML
Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML
Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML
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Top comments
Yunie_fml 0
Someone's in a hurry to get those great-grandchildren.
Emika_fml 0
That's an awesome gift! Where can I buy one?
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Comments (84)
Hawthorn 0
That's actually kinda funny . . .
CherryBomb17 0
do you have a copy you can scan and send?
MissFortune_fml 0
I'd avoid the areas with the highest percentage. Might be a reason so many of them are single.
Laughing_is_cool 4
hahahaha thats funny
Hippiechic7 0
Lol @ 9 :) But that's a pretty great gift...I get like socks or a giftcard to blockbuster from my grandparents
Icalasari 0
That is epic
EffYoLife 14
OOOOH! Can you make me a copy of that map or tell me where I can get one? LMAO! (im laughing but Im serious! FML)
Gruenmuth 3
LMAO! that's just awesome
Amandaisdreaming 7
"thanks for the help grandpa"
Jari 0
Subtle as a brick. I'd chuck the book at his head or something after that.