Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML
Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML
Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, my father gave me the best birthday gift, a piece of real estate. I got a grave, which is leased. FML
Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year-olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML
Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML
Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML
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Top comments
Yunie_fml 0
Someone's in a hurry to get those great-grandchildren.
Emika_fml 0
That's an awesome gift! Where can I buy one?
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Comments (84)
Ole_Stinker 0
I agree with #9- good for Grandpa. If you are a woman, I don't know that this is a FML, he is just trying to help. It would be a FML if he was the only one in the room that didn't know you are a lesbian, and someone let it slip out.
christinaaa_fml 0
nice gramps you got there ;) ...not
fuxa 0
I want one of those!
mrcarmine 0
unless you're into women, what's wrong with that? he's being strategic hahaha
uminuscooll 0
agree with #14. I wish my grandpa hooked me up with that kind of map. I say this is the antithesis of an FML
Shuttertap 0
Wow, C'mon Noname. Get it together. Actually post things that have happened to you. Jeez.
Xinxinix 0
Smart tactics. Maybe you should check out the places, I mean if your grandpa knows that you don't get guys enough and he buys a map, that's called "caring". Although, he might just be hinting he wants more grandchildren or something.
need_cheese 0
haha xD Once my mom gave me a vodoo doll and she told me I could use it as a revenge with my ex-boyfriends. Then she looked at me and said "oh... I forgot... You don't have a boyfriend"
youdidwhatnow 0
That's cruel.
warmvanillasugar 0
thats cute! :)
dizzlewizzle 0
i love hilarious senior citizens. i better have that zest when i'm 75 ps. PEOPLE. NONAME IS THE SAME THING AS ANONYMOUS. the poor idiots keep accusing "noname" of making of FML's. to make it easier, it's "NO. NAME." kids these days. / to #19....that was definitely one you've tried submitting but they didn't think was true/funny enough.
Littlemuffinbox 6
LOL. I know what you're talking about. Old people are the best :) They're always so crazy and funny.