Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML
Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML
Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, my father gave me the best birthday gift, a piece of real estate. I got a grave, which is leased. FML
Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year-olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML
Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML
Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML
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Top comments
Yunie_fml 0
Someone's in a hurry to get those great-grandchildren.
Emika_fml 0
That's an awesome gift! Where can I buy one?
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Comments (84)
kissothis 6
which state has the biggest percentage? my life is already f***ed anyways. =P
Lovebug9 0
Your Grandpa sounds hilarious! One time I was eating pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving and my grandpa told me that I am never going to get a man eating like that. I thought Thanksgiving was a happy holiday.
notfromearth7 0
That could actually be a pretty useful gift.
adrienne_fml 0
haha your grandpa is funny!
kicksblaza429 1
that man is the shit
snowhite_queen 0
i want one!!!! wait, wait, i NEED one!!!!
Lazyninja420 0
lmao you have an awesome grandfather
KiyatsuFox 0
I would have found this to be an prank gift, then asked where my real one was. :D;
marri_n 0
interesting. where can i find that kind of map!? lol.
ohitter117 0
ur grandpa is hilarious!