Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said, "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said, "No, seriously." FML
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML
Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Buttsexpirate 9
Dude you're gonna lose your shit when the new tablecloths come in.
sariannacanna 6
Those toothpicks are pretty cool.... Lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
jaredofmo 22
Hey, it's cool to appreciate the little things. Still, if you feel your life is boring, I'd recommend attempting a social life.
IndigoAcrylic 9
Small things are nice ^^ But it's the "big things" that excite us if yaa catch my drift (; MMMHMMMM yeaaaaa ^_^
jaredofmo 22
I catch it!
xrudeboyrock 29
we got mini-swords for toothpicks once, and it was legit the highlight of ALL the servers' days.
DammitDammit 2
I wish I could be so bored. Remember the old Jewish curse - "May you live in interesting times."
geon_olam 17
chinese curse dumbass 寧為太平犬，不做亂世人
IndigoAcrylic 9
Bitch please...I'm jewish and ya...The jews kinda stole that from the chinese xD
brick_man33 14
how fancy op, the restaurant I ate lunch at yesterday didn't have toothpicks.
2dog 15
Wow, you must have a really boring life
iKendall 3
N
PoisonGirlInc 0
Man colored toothpicks are the shizzle
uy_fml 4
That honestly does sound exciting.
superman2234 2
That's sucks
LovesickLeopard 0
I know how you feel, OP.