Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said, "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said, "No, seriously." FML
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML
Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML
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Top comments
Buttsexpirate 9
Dude you're gonna lose your shit when the new tablecloths come in.
sariannacanna 6
Those toothpicks are pretty cool.... Lol
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Comments (86)
Blueglasscup 18
Wake me up when you get toothpick umbrellas. Nothing beats toothpick umbrellas.
Enslaved 38
I always think about the movie "Cocktails" when Tom Cruise would talking about how rich that guy was for inventing those things.(:
SystemofaBlink41 27
Hell yeah.
coldasfire 23
OMG. COLORED. TOOTHPICK. UMBRELLAS
cosmosis 12
Yep. Get homeless, broke as a joke "broo" and high as a kite... Good life choice champ
GodsLittleMistak 8
Get some coloured toothpicks
N3766 20
Only boring people get bored...
ScarletBloom 14
You were developing some kind of weird fetish.
makowiec 11
You're the one who has control over how boring or exciting your life is :P
FriendlyOtaku 10
I feel for you OP, last last weekend I went to Walmart, and I considered it the first fun thing I have done on a Saturday in two weeks :
Enslaved 38
If they were mint, that would have been even better! It's not a bad thing. At least you can still appreciate the little things in life. I feel that way whenever I see a beautiful sunrise! (:
Icecream93 4
This is rather a miracle.
Blackmail111 9
^ But before that let's get arrested and then get our butholes widened in prison