Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said, "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said, "No, seriously." FML
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML
Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML
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Top comments
Buttsexpirate 9
Dude you're gonna lose your shit when the new tablecloths come in.
sariannacanna 6
Those toothpicks are pretty cool.... Lol
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Comments (86)
rubberduckie94 13
take a bunch home and build a rainbow castle for your my little pony collection. we are a one car family, living in rural kentucky, my husband works seconds so trust me i know, you have to be creative or you will go nuts.
Graawr 7
But but I get excited over colored toothpicks too. :
sheethapins 13
Let's eat mushrooms so all the toothpicks will be different colors! Then let's do crack so we can run fast with our colored toothpicks, trip, and jab ourselves in our eyes so we can wear eye patches and be pirates! Arg!
sheethapins 13
When I get bored, I stop being bored and be awesome instead. ;)
sheethapins 13
Fork the spoons, I want sporks.
sheethapins 13
Colored toothpicks? What will they think of next? Oh the genius! The creativity! And to think of all the arts and crafts waiting to be done! The little colorful wood chips waiting to be lodged in between your teeth for the world to see! New doors are opening, op.
jwade11 12
I think you love stewie as much as I do! We should take over the world together!! Ah ha!!
Mathyouu 0
That's actually pretty cool.
kismentia 10
Aww, don't be so hard on yourself, OP. People like colors. Who'd try gray Skittles? Nobody would want to "taste the sidewalk." Blecch.
jwade11 12
Hahaha I love your comment! Great comparison!
paulie1998 0
Stick them up your ass.
perdix 31
Shame on you for using a politically incorrect term! I think they prefer to be called African-American Toothpicks. Yes, I know the name NAACT still exists, but that's an historical name that evolved when it was still cool to call them "colored toothpicks."
BeefyQueef 5
Haaaaa