Are you a Sim?

If he was a Sim, he probably would have died in the fire.

cowwabunga

That was my first thought, too!

The kitchen just couldn't deal with your healthiness, it just spontaneously combusted...

1) Are the knives you own perpetually dull? 2) Do you find it difficult to use remotes while under a blanket? 3) Is everything monochrome? If you said yes to any of the above, you might be living in an informercial.

Wow, this updated version of the "This is your brain on drugs." PSA is even more intense than the original!

Eggcelent.

a good example of how eating healthy can get very expensive

Eating healthy is not just about the food, you need the whole shebang. Redecorate your kitchen to look healthy. Healthy food, healthy kitchen.

Clearly I've been cooking eggs wrong...

Eh. You don't need a kitchen anyway. Being Breatharian is totally all the rage now. ?

Egg-spenive breakfast!