Health: Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/09/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 323

You deserved it 823

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 474

You deserved it 840

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 426

You deserved it 119 187

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 18:19 - United States - El Paso

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 525

You deserved it 4 772

No yolk

By eggonmiface - 01/07/2018 15:00

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 437

You deserved it 505

By Anonymous - 20/02/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 865

You deserved it 5 019

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 370

You deserved it 9 332

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 460

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 158

Food ****

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 340

Cooked

By Un1ucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 292

You deserved it 7 528

Next

Top comments

oh_lordy_me 18

Friday 22 September 2017 23:16

Are you a Sim?

ARISKomuniszt 24

Friday 22 September 2017 23:30

The kitchen just couldn't deal with your healthiness, it just spontaneously combusted...

Comments

oh_lordy_me 18

Friday 22 September 2017 23:16

Are you a Sim?

arioch_fml 20

Friday 22 September 2017 23:20

If he was a Sim, he probably would have died in the fire.

M. Rizki Hariz 2

Saturday 23 September 2017 7:18

cowwabunga

ariaoflife 8

Friday 29 September 2017 19:16

That was my first thought, too!

ARISKomuniszt 24

Friday 22 September 2017 23:30

The kitchen just couldn't deal with your healthiness, it just spontaneously combusted...

Tripartita 44

Saturday 23 September 2017 0:21

1) Are the knives you own perpetually dull? 2) Do you find it difficult to use remotes while under a blanket? 3) Is everything monochrome? If you said yes to any of the above, you might be living in an informercial.

Glowworm56 26

Saturday 23 September 2017 0:34

Wow, this updated version of the "This is your brain on drugs." PSA is even more intense than the original!

Septembero 15

Saturday 23 September 2017 2:38

Eggcelent.

MmmPinkTacos 11

Saturday 23 September 2017 8:21

a good example of how eating healthy can get very expensive

Lobby_Bee 17

Saturday 23 September 2017 13:16

Eating healthy is not just about the food, you need the whole shebang. Redecorate your kitchen to look healthy. Healthy food, healthy kitchen.

newmummyof1 13

Saturday 23 September 2017 19:37

Clearly I've been cooking eggs wrong...

nightfall8705 33

Monday 25 September 2017 15:15

Eh. You don't need a kitchen anyway. Being Breatharian is totally all the rage now. ?

Talented73 54

Thursday 28 September 2017 9:22

Egg-spenive breakfast!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 4 683

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 1 533

The Top

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 149

You deserved it 3 223

Today, for the third time, I had to tell my stepfather to stop using my razor. It seems when I told him last time that I use it on my armpits, that only encouraged the behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 115

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant and couldn't pronounce any of the menu items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 555

Today, I made some brownies to take over to my dad's place for his party. He started yelling at me when I told him I'd added a special ingredient for taste, demanding to know what I had slipped them. Cinnamon. It was cinnamon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 489

You deserved it 3 314

Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 275

You deserved it 3 267

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper at me for the first time ever after 2 years of dating, and actually raised his voice. It turned me on, and I don’t just mean on, I mean OOONNNNNN. I was so wet it ran down my thighs and made an obvious damp spot in my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 1 090