Health: Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/09/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 306

You deserved it 814

Health

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 464

You deserved it 826

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 417

You deserved it 119 145

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 18:19 - United States - El Paso

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 507

You deserved it 4 764

No yolk

By eggonmiface - 01/07/2018 15:00

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 499

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 9 320

By Un1ucky - 08/06/2014 03:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 787

You deserved it 7 434

Give me a break

By anon - 18/02/2023 06:00

Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 175

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 20/02/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 852

You deserved it 5 011

By Fattymuch - 14/09/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 961

You deserved it 51 963

Next

Top comments

oh_lordy_me 18

Friday 22 September 2017 23:16

Are you a Sim?

ARISKomuniszt 24

Friday 22 September 2017 23:30

The kitchen just couldn't deal with your healthiness, it just spontaneously combusted...

Comments

oh_lordy_me 18

Friday 22 September 2017 23:16

Are you a Sim?

arioch_fml 20

Friday 22 September 2017 23:20

If he was a Sim, he probably would have died in the fire.

M. Rizki Hariz 2

Saturday 23 September 2017 7:18

cowwabunga

ariaoflife 8

Friday 29 September 2017 19:16

That was my first thought, too!

ARISKomuniszt 24

Friday 22 September 2017 23:30

The kitchen just couldn't deal with your healthiness, it just spontaneously combusted...

Tripartita 44

Saturday 23 September 2017 0:21

1) Are the knives you own perpetually dull? 2) Do you find it difficult to use remotes while under a blanket? 3) Is everything monochrome? If you said yes to any of the above, you might be living in an informercial.

Glowworm56 26

Saturday 23 September 2017 0:34

Wow, this updated version of the "This is your brain on drugs." PSA is even more intense than the original!

Septembero 15

Saturday 23 September 2017 2:38

Eggcelent.

MmmPinkTacos 11

Saturday 23 September 2017 8:21

a good example of how eating healthy can get very expensive

Lobby_Bee 17

Saturday 23 September 2017 13:16

Eating healthy is not just about the food, you need the whole shebang. Redecorate your kitchen to look healthy. Healthy food, healthy kitchen.

newmummyof1 13

Saturday 23 September 2017 19:37

Clearly I've been cooking eggs wrong...

nightfall8705 33

Monday 25 September 2017 15:15

Eh. You don't need a kitchen anyway. Being Breatharian is totally all the rage now. ?

Talented73 54

Thursday 28 September 2017 9:22

Egg-spenive breakfast!

Keywords

Miscellaneous Work Annoying Ableism Health Relatable Awkward Love Vacation Healthy Lifestyle Cute Tinder Money Embarrassing Dogs Poopoo peepee Cats Stressed out Mental health ADHD Gross Kids Parenting Anger issues Funerals Family Drugs Roommate Lonely AITA

The Top

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 376

You deserved it 2 943

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 364

You deserved it 5 335

The Top

Today, I cycled to work. Since it was so hot out, I decided to go shirtless, then I would put it on before I entered the building. Ninety minutes later, I arrived at work. My shirt, however, was still at home on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 948

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 465

You deserved it 5 751

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 935

You deserved it 8 866

Today, I heard for the nth time (I lost count after 100) how my roommate and her boyfriend plan to have kids (yes, plural) because we’re "BFF family", and "family babysits for free." She’s actively trying to get pregnant, but wants to continue smoking and drinking like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 95

Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 275

You deserved it 5 379

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 757

You deserved it 6 679