Intimacy: Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2... - FML

By audied - United States

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26156

You deserved it

4568

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Caught red-handed

Explain that one

By inosehowthatgotthere - United States

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9330

You deserved it

52459

Tweet

Share

By omen - 2/9/2020 10:01 - Indonesia - Majalengka

The future

Today, I have to take care of my abusive grandpa. He's smearing poop all over the wall and peeing on the bed again. It's still morning and I'm bracing myself for doing this five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1547

You deserved it

98

Tweet

Share

By dump truck hater - United States - Austin

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me "DUDE guess what I got last night". A giant dump truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27670

You deserved it

2203

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46455

You deserved it

3414

Tweet

Share

By ===== - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28599

You deserved it

49862

Tweet

Share

By PickYourselfUp - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40773

You deserved it

8597

Tweet

Share

By gnofin - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20441

You deserved it

2990

Tweet

Share

By EyesOffMe - Canada

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23940

You deserved it

58824

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 16:59

Overcome

Today, I just finished a client meeting. I couldn’t stop stuttering and couldn’t answer their questions. Towards the end, they just ignored me. I’ve been in the job for a year. I’m pretty much in tears now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

796

You deserved it

189

Tweet

Share

By Mike - 11/11/2020 03:58 - United Kingdom

Living my best life

Today, I just turned 40 and have gone teetotal, had no birthday party due to having burned all my bridges with friends and the community in my 20s, and now me and my cat are both scratching non-stop because my apartment seems to have an infestation of dust mites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

447

You deserved it

793

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 16:58

Proportional response

Today, our house caught fire. While trying to help my mom get to safety, the word "fuck" accidentally escaped my mouth. Once we were safe, she said I was grounded for swearing. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1266

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By yashika - United States - Denver

Today, I discovered that it doesn’t matter where I move, I will always wake up at 5 a.m. to the sound of construction directly above my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1495

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By HolyyMolyy

Quickie

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13586

You deserved it

1990

Tweet

Share

By fired101 - France

Today, it was my first day of work at a very high end company. While delivering coffee to my boss, I set it down on the edge of a magazine, where it spilled over, into his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26356

You deserved it

7379

Tweet

Share

By Anonameow - United States - Nanticoke

Today, I'm recovering from surgery. Every time I laugh, it hurts so badly I start to cry, which hurts even worse and makes it difficult to breathe. The painkillers I'm on make everything seem funny. I laughed so hard at a dumb pun that I nearly passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21273

You deserved it

1494

Tweet

Share

By Bonding_boys - United States - Elk River

Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35775

You deserved it

6258

Tweet

Share

By TBTC - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28285

You deserved it

5397

Tweet

Share

By laptopsRus - United States

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23873

You deserved it

45105

Tweet

Share

By Sally - United States

Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3715

You deserved it

1268

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23205

You deserved it

7855

Tweet

Share

By holy - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16023

You deserved it

33346

Tweet

Share

By sickdisney - United States - Riverside

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7092

You deserved it

35829

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28244

You deserved it

3605

Tweet

Share

By wellfuckyoutoo - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26617

You deserved it

1741

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4391

You deserved it

383

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wheelchair was delivered. My brother and I were messing around with it when he rolled over my already injured foot. At least surgery is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11902

You deserved it

3002

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34854

You deserved it

3232

Tweet

Share

By Almost_Homeless - Canada - London

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46900

You deserved it

3384

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Livingston

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43111

You deserved it

3850

Tweet

Share

By Fwick - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88907

You deserved it

4983

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28262

You deserved it

3100

Tweet

Share

By Chaosfigure

Today, after my driving instructor told me I should pass without any worries at all, I completely failed. I was hit by another car. While parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3851

You deserved it

223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23081

You deserved it

8466

Tweet

Share

By ForeverAlone - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31826

You deserved it

3059

Tweet

Share

By Snoodist

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1968

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45494

You deserved it

22898

Tweet

Share

By Jordan - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I am into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2811

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41697

You deserved it

6508

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48627

You deserved it

5893

Tweet

Share

By I suck :( - United States - Louisville

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22991

You deserved it

62750

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Decipher | 0

#755493 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:02

buurrnnnn

By JD_Knuckles | 0

#755535 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:12

Just be glad you're getting some. There are people with nicer bodies and still haven't gotten any. It's not like her's is any better...

COMMENTS

By Decipher | 0

#755493 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:02

buurrnnnn

Reply

substitutes | 0

#1424749 - Sunday 19 September 2010 4:28

Poor Op

Reply

FMLouis | 6

#5417704 - Sunday 24 March 2013 0:20

There's a pretty simple solution to that. Doggy style

By azurablade | 0

#755497 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:02

first

Reply

pinktiger | 0

#755499 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:03

HA. no ur not. sucka

By Pipistrello_fml | 0

#755518 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:07

Pwnd.

By JD_Knuckles | 0

#755535 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:12

Just be glad you're getting some. There are people with nicer bodies and still haven't gotten any. It's not like her's is any better...

By iankennedy17 | 0

#755544 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:13

azurablade can suck his cock. fuckin noob

By missmarena | 0

#755550 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:15

awe. what a … bitch !
sorry but uh, she sure sounds like one

By DeTard | 0

#755555 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:21

Haha, roll with it dude. In total agreement with #5 here. And since she doesn't mind and you clearly want to, tell her you want to watch her undress (or undress her yourself) and turn off the lights before you get undressed yourself. ;)

By dante0220 | 0

#755563 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:25

u want some ice for that burn... 9th

By luve123 | 0

#755585 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:33

that's soo cold for her to say. but ydi for having sex with a girl who doesn't respect you like you need to be.

By BRiANNE123 | 0

#755606 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:38

aww, it'll b all right.