Love: Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out,... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 445

You deserved it 201

Commando

Today, on Judge Judy…

People are jerks

By Dontsitsitandyoudie - 02/05/2017 14:00 - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 057

You deserved it 381

By im_a_mocker - 28/01/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 244

You deserved it 5 865

Empathy

By KidCudi227 - 23/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of roses with a message attached. The message said, "Ever since your dog died you've stopped putting out, so I think we should break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 392

You deserved it 34 973

By meandme - 04/03/2014 22:55 - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 615

You deserved it 4 423

By bellsucker - 04/08/2012 22:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 092

You deserved it 1 957

Make it work

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 23:01 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I got my hair cut short, as it hasn’t been cut in well over a year and I was getting sick of dealing with it. I told the hairdresser I would probably look like a boy but she said it would look cute, and that she’d make sure it looks feminine. I loved how it came out, until the kid at CVS asked, “Can I help you sir?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 272

By wo-ow - 06/06/2014 23:09 - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 171

You deserved it 4 309

By Rebecca - 16/04/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 598

You deserved it 2 142

By imustbegay - 09/05/2010 14:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 241

You deserved it 10 355

By Tyler Smith - 03/11/2011 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 346

You deserved it 5 705

By Iamsosorry - 22/06/2015 11:35 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 378

You deserved it 4 111

By Anonymous - 03/09/2013 05:06 - United States - Caldwell

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 140

You deserved it 3 552

Information

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 17:01 - United States - Nevada City

Today, my husband, who told me last week he was unhappy, wasn't in love with me anymore and is "talking" to someone else, asked me if I could give him the information for the people we've previously rented from, so he can move out. I gave him what I still had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 06/04/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a restaurant to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 221

You deserved it 134

By lababy - 15/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 663

You deserved it 21 015

By still poor - 05/12/2014 06:17 - United States - Carlisle

Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 525

You deserved it 2 829

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 678

You deserved it 8 297

That's not very pog

By Anonymous Dad - 02/02/2021 17:02

Today, my son and his friends were gaming in his room when I thought I'd use a word I recently discovered online. I said, "Hey, this is all very poggers." My son sighed and said, "How do you do, fellow kids?" I got Steve Buscemi-ed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 924

By Gem - 11/02/2011 10:59 - Australia

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 500

You deserved it 27 265

By niccy - 09/09/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 475

You deserved it 10 437

By Unemployed - 28/08/2016 17:16 - Australia - Hinchinbrook

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I am incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 681

You deserved it 1 269

By babysitter - 26/03/2009 03:45 - United States

Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 345

You deserved it 5 124

By inked - 05/02/2012 05:54 - United States

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 348

You deserved it 31 160

It's about time

By peetime - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 71

Wham!

By Omar Khalaf - 28/09/2017 01:30

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 014

You deserved it 382

By Daddy - 19/08/2016 14:55 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 550

You deserved it 1 208

By unfriendlyskies - 02/04/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 223

You deserved it 2 092

Wigging out

By Stacey Halvorson - 19/07/2021 04:01

Today, I was riding my bike on a sunny but windy afternoon. Coming up to an intersection, the wind switched directions and my wig blew off and landed in the middle of the road. At this point, I was almost at the other side but I had to turn around and grab my hair before the light turned green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 269

By ohsnap - 28/10/2009 10:14 - Australia

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 672

You deserved it 35 228

Corporate hell

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 04:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out I didn't get the promotion I applied for. Then I was told I was the only one who applied for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 132

By daughter - 18/09/2012 04:25 - Sweden - Vårgårda

Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 686

You deserved it 2 289

By saintmichi - 01/02/2010 00:21 - Poland

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 093

You deserved it 27 232

By woxliuke - 05/05/2016 18:44 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride on bicycles. After a while, I couldn't see him ahead of me any more. I went back and forth for half an hour but could't find him, and started to think something happened. I went home to call him but saw his bike. Turns out my boyfriend is just an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 084

You deserved it 1 545

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Meriden

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 946

You deserved it 2 901

Itchy butt

By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58

Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 98

By lonelyheart4ever - 13/08/2016 01:58 - United States - Norman Park

Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 253

You deserved it 1 440

By fml - 27/03/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 3 345

Earache

By Anonymous - 10/06/2015 13:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 072

You deserved it 1 938

Go fund this

By Anonymous - 29/03/2015 13:33 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 784

You deserved it 2 369

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Friday 17 August 2018 14:32

If she was smart she would be breaking up with her boyfriend on her own behalf.

arandomperson97 18

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Friday 17 August 2018 14:31

Sounds like those two scumbags deserve each other. You lucked out OP.

Comments

arandomperson97 18

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Friday 17 August 2018 14:31

Sounds like those two scumbags deserve each other. You lucked out OP.

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Friday 17 August 2018 20:07

How is she a scum bag?

Lalala579121 27

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Friday 17 August 2018 20:22

Because if she didn't seem to care about the guy cheating, it's more than likely that she knew about it.

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Friday 17 August 2018 23:33

It never suggested she didn’t care. I think personally ending their affair when you immediately find out about it is a pretty normal first step.

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Friday 17 August 2018 23:35

Side note: Knowing or not caring about her boyfriend sleeping with someone else still doesn’t make her a scumbag.

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 18 August 2018 0:10

The other girl broke up OP and the dude, not herself and the dude. That does imply that she did know and didn't care.

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 18 August 2018 0:12

And yeah, it kinda does. Knowingly participating in someone else cheating is just as bad as cheating yourself.

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Saturday 18 August 2018 4:02

You’re reading into the situation and claiming this woman is a scumbag based off of nothing other than the fact that she separated her boyfriend from his side piece. Makes sense.

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Saturday 18 August 2018 4:08

If she's the one who knew - then she's the side piece.

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Saturday 18 August 2018 6:11

It appears this discussion got derailed by bringing in the hypothetical situation of whether or not she knew. Let’s just strike that from the record and work with what we DO know and... (reference my very last comment).

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 18 August 2018 12:13

Yes, let's go with what we know from the FML. That being that there's even less evidence to suggest that she didn't know, as there was no mention of any sort of surprised reaction. Though, if we just take everything at face value and don't imply a single thing, then we are both incorrect and this conversation is ultimately pointless.

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Friday 17 August 2018 14:32

If she was smart she would be breaking up with her boyfriend on her own behalf.

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 17 August 2018 15:09

You should have broken up with her on his behalf. Next time you see him, knee him in the crotch and dump him.

Charlie Given 24

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Friday 17 August 2018 15:27

Wow sorry for ya but they're probably in a open relationship and you were just the side chick 😒😟

wanted_2_want 40

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Friday 17 August 2018 17:04

It seems clear enough who has the balls in that relationship. Just sayin’

Davros 12

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Friday 17 August 2018 22:45

You should have laughed and said OK. She's a dumbass if she doesn't think he'll do the same to her.

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Saturday 18 August 2018 3:16

The bright side of this is at least you’re not the insecure idiot who’s satisfied with being a side piece.

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Saturday 18 August 2018 4:07

Well, you're the one who's better off.

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Saturday 18 August 2018 6:41

You’re better off honestly

bkwusa 15

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Tuesday 21 August 2018 14:48

He could easily have been at a friends house and his friends sister who had a crush on him answered his phone without him knowing and just got rid of her competition. Same situation could also occur at almost any place like work etz. Someone claiming to be his girlfriend doesn't actually make her his girlfriend. I hope OP asked for some sort of proof before taking a strangers word for it.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 70