Kids: Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went... - FML

26/02/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 734

You deserved it 27 902

Empathy lives

Baker's dozen

It's complicated

07/12/2017 01:30

Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 4 904

28/09/2015 03:27 - United States - Orange Park

Today, I thought my wife and I would reconcile after being separated for eight months. We ended up sleeping together after a dinner date, but she told told me afterwards that she still wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 925

You deserved it 2 710

29/12/2011 08:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 711

You deserved it 3 088

24/07/2013 06:44 - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 609

You deserved it 4 824

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 050

You deserved it 287

17/08/2013 22:56 - Ireland - Killarney

Spicy

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 006

You deserved it 7 381

04/09/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 523

You deserved it 8 896

Today, on Maury…

By twitch - 07/10/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant after 14 years of being told I'll likely never have kids. My fiancé has a 7 year-old child with a woman who used it to stop him from leaving her. Yesterday, she filed a false report/restraining order to keep him from his kid, because he refused to leave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 158

06/10/2010 21:59 - France

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 989

You deserved it 28 648

14/12/2015 03:23 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 044

You deserved it 2 124

31/07/2015 20:48 - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 016

You deserved it 2 190

05/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 154

You deserved it 206

03/01/2015 03:11 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 117

You deserved it 4 661

27/10/2013 23:46 - United States - Paramus

Spicy

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 068

You deserved it 9 518

09/08/2016 18:01

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 608

You deserved it 1 127

07/05/2011 07:08 - United States

Today, I realized that I frequently argue with myself and respond back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 092

You deserved it 13 686

21/04/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 463

You deserved it 31 907

28/09/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 515

You deserved it 9 996

Hello ?

By NoHappyEndings - 30/09/2017 17:15 - United States - Dundalk

Today, it's been four weeks since I got a job offer after months of grueling interviews. I turned down other offers to accept the job, but I'm still unemployed because no one at the company will take my calls about my official start date. I've been ghosted by a corporate office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 673

You deserved it 350

28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 658

You deserved it 1 775

21/09/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 715

You deserved it 11 283

27/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 301

You deserved it 6 551

07/08/2012 09:19 - United States - Northridge

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 241

You deserved it 2 698

07/03/2010 14:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 040

You deserved it 41 210

14/10/2013 01:14 - United States - Tucson

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 181

You deserved it 3 705

25/12/2016 05:10 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having a Christmas Eve party and my sewer got backed up. Everyone had to go home and now I have to wait until Monday to get it fixed. It's a 15-minute drive to the local McDonald's to take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 738

You deserved it 941

21/10/2011 12:10 - Canada

Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 792

You deserved it 2 516

Great birthday

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 23:00 - United States - Cicero

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets for his birthday to see our favorite band, and he told me he doesn't feel he loves me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 66

14/03/2018 01:30

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 773

You deserved it 2 016

23/11/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 055

You deserved it 2 896

27/06/2015 17:40 - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 117

You deserved it 2 860

29/08/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I wanted to go clubbing with my friends. I started drinking at home to save on the price of drinks, instead I fell asleep on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 541

You deserved it 36 042

10/12/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 741

You deserved it 5 571

Innocent

By ouch! - 22/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was playfully chasing my daughter along the waterline at the beach when the biggest, buffest, lifeguard I’d ever seen full-on NFL-style tackled me. Apparently I "looked like a creep" chasing a young girl. My ribs hurt like the devil and my daughter won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 145

05/07/2011 00:25 - United States

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 602

You deserved it 6 359

29/08/2010 00:05 - United States

Today, at work, I was reprimanded for not engaging with customers enough. In an effort to be more friendly, I complimented the next customer on her interesting accent. Turns out it was from a stroke she had last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 145

You deserved it 6 189

Ding dong

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:04 - United States - El Macero

Spicy

Today, I got an ingrown hair. It wouldn’t be so bad, if it were anywhere other than my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 120

Poor Mickey

By oh, good - 15/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 223

04/04/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 100

You deserved it 10 448

16/10/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, the power went out at work. As everyone left the building to go home, the owner came in to inform me that, since the phones were on a battery back up, I would be staying to man them. The phones rang 2 times in the 4 hours I sat in the dark by myself. Both times were telemarketers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 172

You deserved it 2 284

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:15

You could have just NOT BROUGHT LUBE TO A BABYSITTING GIG. Leave it at home, or in the car, or anywhere else. How urgent a need could have presented itself in the circumstances?

Lick_yer_face 0

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:07

Yeah... I would have definitely taken it off her, and then made sure I never left my purse laying around again... I bet it was fun calming the kids down though... you go to grab them and they slip right out of your hands. XD

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Monday 12 March 2012 18:14

Maybe look at the gender symbole and you will know OP is female.

Send a private message

Monday 11 June 2012 23:39

It's not trong if it was an accident you noob.

Send a private message

Saturday 2 March 2013 6:00

guys always carry a purse right? right?

Lick_yer_face 0

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:07

Yeah... I would have definitely taken it off her, and then made sure I never left my purse laying around again... I bet it was fun calming the kids down though... you go to grab them and they slip right out of your hands. XD

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:08

#2 - What would you have done? Try to explain what lube is?

Send a private message

Friday 14 August 2009 23:47

No, I would have said it was lotion, or it was none of her business, and then taken it away from her either way. You deserve it for taking your lube with you to a babysitting job and then being negligent enough to just leave it with her when you went to the bathroom. YDI, but FYL too.

Send a private message

Monday 15 February 2010 0:12

hehe your comment is no. 69 I'm so immature but that made me laugh with what you posted

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:15

You could have just NOT BROUGHT LUBE TO A BABYSITTING GIG. Leave it at home, or in the car, or anywhere else. How urgent a need could have presented itself in the circumstances?

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 September 2015 21:47

if a kid got their hand stuck and none of the usual tricks were working

SixthSinEnvy 39

Send a private message

Friday 10 June 2016 15:55

Maybe she forgot it was in there? The better question is why are children going through your purse? Did you let her or is she a nosey little shit?

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:17

Bring your purse with you in the bathroom when you babysit. Everyone knows how children are curious and wanna touch & try everything. Deserved.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:27

why do you carry lube in your purse, just in case? this one is your fault

iivs 0

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:27

That was so funny

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:29

At what point did you think to take it away from them? "What's this?" "Oh that's a knife....I'm just going to walk away and leave it in your hands because clearly...NOTHING bad could happen."

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:33

Oh crap, that sucks. You should have put your purse where they couldn't get to it after that.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2009 20:38

Why the f*** would you bring lube for babysitting? Are you a working on the street after that or what?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 338

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 69