Miscellaneous: Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend...

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 05:01 - Canada - Lansdowne

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 129

You deserved it 4 763

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By gassygirlfriend - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 371

You deserved it 5 275

By methane overload - 19/01/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 218

You deserved it 3 833

By DMStarsky - 21/10/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 586

You deserved it 4 710

By Jimseagoon - 03/09/2018 20:30

Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 851

You deserved it 443

By Aphrodite - 23/01/2010 21:13 - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 143

You deserved it 7 743

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 437

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 050

You deserved it 3 908

By ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 561

You deserved it 1 618

Hiking is so much fun!

By Sacho - 24/10/2019 20:00

Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 171

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 529

ThatTennisKid14 13

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:04

That takes "shitty sex life" to a whole new level

BreM16 23

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:07

Oh my.. I bet she felt really bad! Well I guess now you guys could take a shower together instead

Comments

Nexa_fml 21

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:04

And here comes all the shit puns/jokes..

extrasnipes 22

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:54

The fact that people say that one line more often then people actually say puns is a real bother.

ColonelCusswords 24

Thursday 4 June 2015 3:06

what a shitty comment

ColonelCusswords 24

Thursday 4 June 2015 3:07

sorry, i have a shit attitude

ColonelCusswords 24

Thursday 4 June 2015 3:09

i literally aint got any other shit to do right now

ughed 14

Thursday 4 June 2015 4:50

that was a shitty attempt at puns, #52

ColonelCusswords 24

Thursday 4 June 2015 7:09

well shit... you hurt me bud...

Jonkbaby 22

Thursday 4 June 2015 13:38

more like ""taco hell"" am I right though.

ThatTennisKid14 13

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:04

That takes "shitty sex life" to a whole new level

MortenM 17

Thursday 4 June 2015 13:10

Just the wrong crowd. Some people like brown showers

Grenith 21

Friday 5 June 2015 5:09

Really? You're getting away with a 'shitty' pun? Why would the fml community let you do that. That merits fml capital pun-ishment, the ban hammer.

KayDee29 31

Saturday 6 June 2015 12:44

Yeah, #100 not sure why this got a top comment... First time I've ever seen a shit pun not get down voted on any internet site.

beaglegal 42

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:05

Well what did you expect?

cheeeksss 29

Thursday 4 June 2015 3:32

Idk about you, but I have never shitted my bowels onto another human being after eating Taco Bell.

slingerslasher 24

Thursday 4 June 2015 3:55

#53 better rethink your life goals then

cristy91 33

Thursday 4 June 2015 6:09

I'm guessing OP was assuminh his gf would go to the bathroom if she felt her stomach wretch. If you care about the person you're with you would not risk that

bluefairy_fml 24

Thursday 4 June 2015 9:10

Sometimes you just can't make it to the bathroom in time. I'm sure OP's girlfriend did not actually mean to "shart" on him and the bed. Of course she would have prefered to do it in the toilet if she could.

longhorn_cowgirl 4

Friday 5 June 2015 6:38

Sometimes you really can't tell if it's a fart or a shart...but if you're naked and especially naked and against someone, I don't really know why you'd risk it!

justintart 2

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:05

I was gonna make an anal joke, butt **** it..get it?

Senseless_487 29

Thursday 4 June 2015 1:37

Yes, we get it. I'll show you the door.

freddygasman 18

Thursday 4 June 2015 2:57

maybe the...............back door.

ColonelCusswords 24

Thursday 4 June 2015 3:02

thanks for that

countryrose92 23

Thursday 4 June 2015 5:10

46, you cracked me up. Lol. Idk why that shit was so funny, but it was. Thanms

BreM16 23

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:07

Oh my.. I bet she felt really bad! Well I guess now you guys could take a shower together instead

freddygasman 18

Thursday 4 June 2015 3:01

she felt relieved, but bad.

Brandi_Faith 33

Thursday 4 June 2015 6:20

I can't even imagine how embarrassed she was! And definitely don't take a shower with her, that shower may not end well either. Best thing you can do is stay away from any nakedness on her part, away from the bathroom (so it's available when she needs it), and never mention the situation again. I'm sure she's incredibly humiliated. Poor girl.