Love: Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 1

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 122

04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 476

You deserved it 1 574

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Walk on the wild side

Tough choice

11/12/2018 14:00

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 323

You deserved it 238

This is 100% accurate

By Theon - 21/05/2021 20:01

Today, I had a problem with my email verification in FML. I contacted support, and they were super helpful and fixed it. But I used my spam email, which automatically sends an immature message to anyone that contacts it. So instead of a, "Thank you", the nice staff member got a, "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Go away cheese face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 1 123

Stormy weather

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00

Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 215

22/09/2010 14:36

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 796

You deserved it 3 888

02/11/2016 20:30

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 688

You deserved it 1 533

09/02/2017 08:00

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 204

You deserved it 381

13/06/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 473

You deserved it 453

28/03/2009 00:24

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 297

You deserved it 149 155

Remember me?

By sydthekid2000 - 23/03/2020 20:08

Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 248

12/04/2018 15:00

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 391

You deserved it 424

Say cheese!

By tramrider - 07/03/2010 16:29

Today, I got on an empty tram and decided to sit at the back. A few minutes in, I heard a noise. Thinking it was the tram, I decided to ignore it. When I heard what sounded like a giggle, I looked around to see that it wasn't the tram, but it was some creepy middle-aged man taking photos of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 284

You deserved it 2 481

27/02/2009 04:02

Spicy

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 198

You deserved it 13 338

29/07/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 963

You deserved it 578

17/10/2016 17:58

Today, I told the doctor that one of my ribs sticks out farther than the other. When I lifted my shirt to show him, he immediately laughed and said, "Whoa, that's not subtle is it!" As if I wasn't already insecure about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 140

You deserved it 826

15/08/2012 01:14

Today, I met my girlfriend's extended family for the first time. Her family kept telling her how much I looked and acted like her older brother and I'm guessing by the end of the day she agreed because now she pulls away and gags when I try to kiss her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 877

You deserved it 2 733

03/01/2016 22:42

Today, I sneezed hard while eating some quite spicy potato chips at my friend's house. Some of the chips passed to the nasal cavity, and I ended up having to pick my nose for some pointy, spicy chips shrapnel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 206

You deserved it 1 811

31/12/2012 18:13

Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 163

You deserved it 3 126

Gross dude, dude

By GhostPenguin - 08/10/2021 11:01

Today, I had to tell my 30 year-old boyfriend to take a shower, or else he won't for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 147

Rules are meant to be broken

By hospitalflunky - 28/03/2009 06:35

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the allotted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me, "Rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 939

You deserved it 7 348

08/04/2019 17:00

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 733

The truth will out

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 02:01

Today, after lying to my kid so she doesn’t learn how little her dad cares about her, my current husband, who didn’t know I was doing this, told her everything, such as how the last two times her dad flaked on picking her up was because he was in Vegas gambling, or in jail for hiring hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 476

29/07/2014 18:20

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 228

You deserved it 15 921

12/12/2008 02:30

Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 413

You deserved it 3 104

16/11/2016 00:51

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 802

You deserved it 862

05/11/2015 21:34

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 897

You deserved it 1 957

Trashcan addiction

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally got my 18 month-old to throw away her trash and dirty diapers. Now she throws everything away, and I can't get her to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 397

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 22:20

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 488

You deserved it 4 588

07/05/2013 20:21

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 034

You deserved it 3 092

12/12/2014 14:39

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 153

You deserved it 42 023

Das wat u get hoomin

By Ray - 13/08/2017 17:15

Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap...where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 2 369

23/04/2015 13:43

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 035

You deserved it 9 031

02/04/2009 05:09

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 978

You deserved it 7 212

27/06/2015 18:29

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 243

You deserved it 2 786

Says something about you, probably

By Amanda Howard - 27/04/2020 02:00

Today, my brother, who recently got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery, got a job at Target. I applied to the same Target six times, and was denied every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 155

19/04/2016 02:43

Spicy

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 424

You deserved it 2 661

Special Snowflake Kitty

By MissKitty - 10/03/2017 04:00

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 966

You deserved it 679

03/12/2010 05:18

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 359

You deserved it 3 149

14/11/2010 01:39

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 283

You deserved it 3 245

27/03/2012 15:54

Today, I realised being the only female engineering student sucks. I have exactly one friend, because everyone else is too busy staring at my boobs to have a conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 685

You deserved it 4 818

19/05/2012 02:46

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 396

You deserved it 6 809

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:58

Ooh, she's cheeky. I like her.

MikuandKaito 24

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:29

That's hilarious.

Comments

moodyreallyrocks 27

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:06

Tough break OP!!

MikuandKaito 24

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:29

That's hilarious.

CrazyTrainWreck 19

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:29

get used to it, my wife and I do that to each other all the time.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:37

A nearly-perfect gif for the ol' "trouser trumpet." Minor deduction for showing a cornet. If you liked it, you should put a ring on it. And a butt-plug up it.

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:41

Do the same thing to her, a few hours after downing as many of the strongest laxatives you can get your hands on as you're physically able.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:43

There is no medical reason anyone ever needs their finger to be pulled. Keep that in mind and you crazy kids might just make it!

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 4:58

Ooh, she's cheeky. I like her.

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 5:13

She sounds awesome

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 5:59

Should have put your finger in her asshole

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 7:55

Finger? Come on, man, you can do better than that!

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 June 2017 0:13

Fist?

Send a private message

Sunday 4 June 2017 8:01

Will you still marry her? ???