Love: Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell...

By Aphrodite - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

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Love

Instadrama

Pay up

Vampires are everywhere

By Gennifer - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

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By WayTooMuchFacebook - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

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By halfmypaycheckgone - United States - Monroe

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so bored that I spent two hours researching the history of spoons. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

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By embarassed - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

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By Scarred4lyfe - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

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By BigToe - United States

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

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By payne - United States

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

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By Anonymous - Nepal

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

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By wildwonder808 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

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By xUnluckyx - Canada

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

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Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

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By Anna - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

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By shit.jpg - United States - Waban

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

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28638

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By apparantlyStupid - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

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By jobless

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

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By Ren - United States

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 23:00

Wow thanks, I'm cured

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

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By impatient amy - Ireland

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

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By Fartini

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

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By shelookslikemiley - Australia

Today, I can't go on watching season 8 of The Big Bang Theory, not because of the steady decline of the show's quality, but because I can't stand Penny's new haircut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Herndon

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

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By misshb - United Kingdom

Today, my long term ex, who broke up with me over a year ago and shattered my heart, seduced me (which wasn't hard as he knew I still had feelings for him) and as he pulled out after the couple of minutes of what he called sex, he used the line "There we go, that's your freebie." FML

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By hopelesscollegestudent - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I visited with my cousin on her deathbed. When I asked what she was doing, they replied that she was sleeping. Next thing out my mouth without thinking was, "She can sleep when she's dead." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML

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By paperbagofdoom - United States

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

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By sadbuttrue. - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my sister's wedding, I went to the very back of the crowd of women waiting to catch the bouquet. Not only did I end up catching it, I was accosted by a crazy chick who ripped it out of my hands, screaming at me in Italian. I later found out she was already engaged. FML

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By Anonymous - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

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By Canali18 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

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By Still Waiting - United States - Wenatchee

Today, I had an appointment. After 2 hours of waiting in the sun, my mom finally picked me up and lectured me on how irresponsible my dad was for not communicating with her. Not 5 minutes after I got home, my dad showed up and gave me the same exact lecture about my mom. FML

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By leafscupwin - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the person that interviewed me for a job was the same person I called a "fat bitch" at a baseball game after she knocked over my drink while she was dancing. She recognized me too. FML

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By omgitserika - United States

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

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By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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By Fitz - United States

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

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Top comments

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#794477 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:04

so I am guessing he didn't go south of the border after that.

By HoesInaBox | 0

#794466 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:01

how did you not feel it coming? >.< FHL

COMMENTS

By Sirin_fml | 46

#794432 - Sunday 24 January 2010 1:54

That is so hot. So what happened during the actual sex?

AVainAttempt | 0

#794464 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:00

Lol so guess what, she got turned off from him smudging the vomit all over her

wheatie | 0

#794520 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:18

ew.

BritishHobo | 0

#794592 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:58

PottentialFML | 0

#794794 - Sunday 24 January 2010 5:14

He got the full eating out experience.

HeresReality | 0

#794843 - Sunday 24 January 2010 5:43

your boyfriend is so ugly he makes you throw up? dump him. though he probably dumped you already for regurgitating all over him

BlueJeans2626 | 0

#794876 - Sunday 24 January 2010 5:55

I bet he got this big hard boner

metazoanhaddock | 11

#795178 - Sunday 24 January 2010 8:37

win^

skullbashd | 3

#795202 - Sunday 24 January 2010 9:00

well he gave her a sausage wrap to throw up.

By MadeOfAwesome | 1

#794440 - Sunday 24 January 2010 1:54

Did you sex after?

By Taipan_fml | 0

#794446 - Sunday 24 January 2010 1:56

Yo quiero Taco Bell

QJD | 0

#794496 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:09

Me Tambíen.

whataloadofbull | 0

#795293 - Sunday 24 January 2010 10:06

the accent goes on the "e" dumbass

HeyThereGorgeous | 0

#835686 - Monday 8 February 2010 22:13

yo quiero tacos y nachos 

PotatOS55 | 19

#5418109 - Sunday 24 March 2013 6:00

Yo soy Taco Bell (yes, I know I just said I am Taco Bell. I don't regret it)

By Deathlyranch | 0

#794452 - Sunday 24 January 2010 1:56

He got wood from it, didn't he?

youdidwhatnow | 0

#794456 - Sunday 24 January 2010 1:58

Lmao, that's nasty. It's more like FHL.

TheDrifter | 23

#4011826 - Thursday 9 February 2012 4:12

When I saw round two, I wasn't thinking vomit. I had thought they were decidedly farther along than making out, but either way, that's nasty.

By HoesInaBox | 0

#794466 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:01

how did you not feel it coming? >.< FHL

Vaati_fml | 20

#5515830 - Saturday 1 June 2013 3:44

Puke is often sudden or subtle. It's not likely that you would notice before it was too late.

By emmaemmaemma_fml | 0

#794468 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:01

eww FHL

By Noxic | 0

#794470 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:01

Did he hit your uvula with his tongue?

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#794477 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:04

so I am guessing he didn't go south of the border after that.

drewbell | 0

#794863 - Sunday 24 January 2010 5:51

I loved that comment

By ilovebradiew | 0

#794478 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:05

FHL for sure, eww..

By lostfaithinpppl | 19

#794483 - Sunday 24 January 2010 2:06

YDI for eating Taco Bell.

waterynuggets | 0

#794757 - Sunday 24 January 2010 4:45

All that needs to be said.

toxic10uhc | 0

#794776 - Sunday 24 January 2010 5:00

taco bell is the shiz

dudeitsdanny | 9

#794836 - Sunday 24 January 2010 5:35

Agreed.