Love: Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell...

By Aphrodite - 23/01/2010 21:13 - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 7 703

Love

Taking stock

Unfair

Top brass

It means he cares

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Roselle

Today, I found out that my boyfriend jerked off more times than he called me when I was out of town for 4 days. Me: 0; porn: 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 575

By Maxwell - 04/02/2010 10:47 - France

Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 727

You deserved it 16 727

By Kiera Ayala - 08/06/2019 12:00

Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 283

By Carrie_Chaos - 23/05/2016 20:16 - United States - Fresno

Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 000

You deserved it 1 471

By volleyballgirl - 28/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 32 584

By uglywoman - 14/12/2010 08:21 - Australia

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 899

You deserved it 17 453

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 266

You deserved it 620

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, I finally moved all my boxes into my new apartment. I was settling in when my alarm clock that was stashed in one of the boxes began ringing. Two hours and several boxes later, I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 677

You deserved it 5 782

Fight Club for Dummies

By Jeff - 23/05/2019 22:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 244

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 130

By Username - 26/09/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 728

You deserved it 2 366

By diesel444 - 23/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 732

You deserved it 23 118

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 592

You deserved it 23 290

By MyLife - 03/03/2019 12:00

Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 173

By OUCH - 19/05/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 376

You deserved it 3 222

Mother of the year

By Atypical - 02/03/2021 02:01

Today, after a lifetime of struggles, I was finally officially diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks to years of ridicule, punishments, humiliation and even beatings over something I literally could not control, I also have terrible depression and anxiety. My mom still thinks I’m making it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 182

By banned - 09/03/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 116

You deserved it 7 733

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 496

You deserved it 2 711

The Breeders

By no spank - 11/08/2020 20:01

Today, my family once again mocked and insulted me for being the only one to not spank my kids. Apparently, they’ll grow up entitled and in prison if I don’t. Odd, seeing as my kids are 10 times better behaved than their kids, who get spanked on a regular. Ah well, here’s to hitting kids I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 264

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 598

You deserved it 3 126

By AlyssaBC - 06/03/2010 07:28 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 2 622

By kharrington - 07/04/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 509

You deserved it 3 513

By Sergie - 04/06/2010 09:28 - Ireland

Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I decided to brush my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue I went too far which made me throw up. I was 20 min late for my work. Good start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 170

You deserved it 28 290

By mark - 06/06/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 726

You deserved it 2 576

By chippuh - 26/04/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 753

You deserved it 3 104

By theblackrose23 - 06/09/2013 12:10 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my grandfather died via Facebook, because apparently both my father and my aunt think posting a status about it immediately rather than calling family is the thing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 037

You deserved it 2 825

By schooyou101 - 17/11/2012 13:34 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 044

You deserved it 6 116

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 18:58 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 833

You deserved it 1 798

By Andrew7847 - 11/01/2012 17:02 - United States

Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 234

You deserved it 4 575

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 779

You deserved it 5 954

By uninvited - 04/02/2016 15:16 - United States - Boston

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197

You deserved it 1 735

By kaitiem224 - 22/10/2015 02:52 - United States - Pratt

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 914

You deserved it 2 837

By wtfdaughter - 03/02/2015 16:59 - Brazil - Recife

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 460

You deserved it 4 812

By Bacular - 06/02/2010 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 044

You deserved it 5 910

By ArtistBlock - 17/08/2016 07:54 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 118

You deserved it 1 358

By eatmyshipoopie - 18/12/2009 15:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 107

You deserved it 9 864

By Anonymous - 25/06/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 851

You deserved it 6 524

By lifesuck - 19/09/2010 14:11 - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 479

You deserved it 3 751

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid that discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 177

You deserved it 3 158

By Magaña.i.am - 16/04/2019 16:00

Today, I was halfway through eating a what I though was a delicious sandwich, when I turned it over and saw nasty green mold on the bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 514

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davidhasmorefun 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:04

so I am guessing he didn't go south of the border after that.

HoesInaBox 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:01

how did you not feel it coming? >.< FHL

Sirin_fml 46

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Sunday 24 January 2010 1:54

That is so hot. So what happened during the actual sex?

AVainAttempt 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:00

Lol so guess what, she got turned off from him smudging the vomit all over her

wheatie 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:18

ew.

BritishHobo 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:58

PottentialFML 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:14

He got the full eating out experience.

HeresReality 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:43

your boyfriend is so ugly he makes you throw up? dump him. though he probably dumped you already for regurgitating all over him

BlueJeans2626 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:55

I bet he got this big hard boner

metazoanhaddock 11

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Sunday 24 January 2010 8:37

win^

skullbashd 3

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Sunday 24 January 2010 9:00

well he gave her a sausage wrap to throw up.

MadeOfAwesome 1

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Sunday 24 January 2010 1:54

Did you sex after?

Taipan_fml 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 1:56

Yo quiero Taco Bell

QJD 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:09

Me Tambíen.

whataloadofbull 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 10:06

the accent goes on the "e" dumbass

HeyThereGorgeous 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 22:13

yo quiero tacos y nachos 

PotatOS55 19

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Sunday 24 March 2013 6:00

Yo soy Taco Bell (yes, I know I just said I am Taco Bell. I don't regret it)

Deathlyranch 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 1:56

He got wood from it, didn't he?

youdidwhatnow 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 1:58

Lmao, that's nasty. It's more like FHL.

TheDrifter 23

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Thursday 9 February 2012 4:12

When I saw round two, I wasn't thinking vomit. I had thought they were decidedly farther along than making out, but either way, that's nasty.

HoesInaBox 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:01

how did you not feel it coming? >.< FHL

Vaati_fml 20

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Saturday 1 June 2013 3:44

Puke is often sudden or subtle. It's not likely that you would notice before it was too late.

emmaemmaemma_fml 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:01

eww FHL

Noxic 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:01

Did he hit your uvula with his tongue?

davidhasmorefun 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:04

so I am guessing he didn't go south of the border after that.

drewbell 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:51

I loved that comment

ilovebradiew 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:05

FHL for sure, eww..

lostfaithinpppl 19

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Sunday 24 January 2010 2:06

YDI for eating Taco Bell.

waterynuggets 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 4:45

All that needs to be said.

toxic10uhc 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:00

taco bell is the shiz

dudeitsdanny 9

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:35

Agreed.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 75

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 143

It means he cares

Fight Club for Dummies

He's still got it

Mother of the year

The Breeders

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

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