Miscellaneous: Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

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Serious times

Mother of the year

Show me where it hurts

By SuperBunny - United States

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

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By elite

Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 02:01

The mainframe had been haxored

Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

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By InconsiderateMuch - Canada - High River

Today, my boyfriend bought another expensive bong to go with the one he bought last month, along with his new phone, airsoft gun, and various other things he's blown our money on this year. He's bought nothing to prepare for our son, though, who's due next month. FML

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By j4 - United Kingdom

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML

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By mylifesuckssss - United States

Today, I received a 7 page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

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By Embarrassed daughter.. - United States

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

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By Username - Netherlands

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

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By poorgirl - United States

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

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By Z - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, at work, I had to explain to a customer that she can't connect her tablet to her home WiFi while she's at work. I went to MIT for this. FML

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By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Break time

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

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By aspiemeanswell - Germany - Rudolstadt

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML

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By gangstalicious - United States

Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

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By NairyAGoodIdea - United States

Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML

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By dancer_2014 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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By Ahlph

Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

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By sadsenior - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2021 00:01

Overreaching

Today, I was told I can’t wear a nose ring at my new job because several customers "don’t like it." It’s a very small nose ring and the job is a shack that serves food through a window. FML

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By lil123 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend wrote a song for me. As he was singing it to me I realized it was actually a breakup song. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

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By planes - United States

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

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By whitefox123 - United States

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 05:01

Late bloomer

Today, I'm nearly 30 years-old, and not only am I still a virgin, I've never even had my first kiss. FML

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By Sickasadog - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's room with the new paint we bought. It's an oil-based paint which hides all blemishes on the wall, but apparently makes me sick. I'm now throwing up everywhere, but at least the room looks good. FML

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By annoymous - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it was the first time I was meeting my guy's parents. Turns out he forgot it was his mum's birthday and I ended up having to meet his whole family. FML

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By tyrettes

Today, I started a new yard maintenance job. Before the day had even ended, I got fired, because I apparently didn’t have enough experience, and I moved too slowly. It was supposed to be my training day. FML

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By 2nd best - 6/11/2020 11:01 - United States

Who the fuck asked you?

Today, my fiancée's ex sent me screenshots of their conversation. In it, he told her how badly he’d wanted to marry her, what a great life he'd have given her and what a huge mistake she'd made by letting him get away. My ring, our house even our pets should’ve been hers. Gee, thanks for settling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

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By FUCK - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

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By lawman - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

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By E-fail - 7/10/2020 08:53 - Canada - Bathurst

On yer bike

Today, I received my new e-bike. I could barely afford it but I desperately needed a method of transportation. On my second ride, I splashed through a fresh sidewalk. There was sidewalk in the chain, in the brakes, everywhere. There goes my brand new bike. FML

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By ... - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

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Top comments

By Aelaena | 6

#241905 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:35

Wow assholes. I hate people like that, I hope you got a license yet that probably wouldn't do much.

By zmiddz | 0

#241943 - Friday 29 May 2009 13:08

Gangbangers drink milkshakes?

COMMENTS

By Aelaena | 6

#241905 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:35

Wow assholes. I hate people like that, I hope you got a license yet that probably wouldn't do much.

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#903116 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:56

wanna-be's.., no... only real gangstas drink milkshakes!

Reply

Failbuddy | 0

#1014716 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 8:11

LOL

By redbluegreen | 40

#241906 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By anglcdvl89 | 0

#241911 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:45

Yay for new colored leather seats? O.o

Really though, that sucks so bad. I hope you got their license plate number. Report some ish on their car. Road rage, hit and run...whatever, man. Karma's a bitch.

Reply

thirteenishell | 0

#1111112 - Monday 19 July 2010 22:39

awhh :(

By Mystgate | 0

#241913 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

ppl2ppl | 4

#3646456 - Sunday 27 November 2011 4:46

Dude, really? No props to "rbg" :P

By Hazimius | 0

#241914 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:48

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By studentwoes | 2

#241915 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:48

That really really sucks! :( People are such assholes!

By DreMaMa | 0

#241917 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:49

Should of threw a gang-sign for an added punch, then proceed to say "whats up my homies"

By leandra12 | 0

#241919 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:51

They were probably just jealous. Convertibles are the best. I'm sorry though.

By Pepperolls | 0

#241921 - Friday 29 May 2009 12:51

FML indeed, I don't get why those people prefer their shitty music over classic ROCK!

Reply

JackStone96 | 4

#829260 - Saturday 6 February 2010 4:40

@#9 Classic Rock can't compare to nu-metal, hard rock, and screamo!!!!! lol classic rock isn't that bad but I do prefer nu-metal, hard rock, and screamo! haha

Reply

noobgang7 | 5

#929468 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 19:06

as blood runs black?

Reply

goresplattered | 0

#989741 - Sunday 9 May 2010 16:50

Gross. Give me some Whitechapel.

Reply

RunnerDudeTyler | 0

#2290465 - Monday 4 April 2011 4:15

I fucking love screamo and metal!

Reply

rttr | 18

#4037200 - Wednesday 15 February 2012 7:16

I agree with 9.

Reply

cocainewhore | 30

#5819158 - Monday 6 January 2014 22:44

#224 since screams itself is not a genre, I don't see how you can love it. Are you referring to death metal, post hardcore, hardcore..?

Reply

Lunasis | 14

#5978561 - Tuesday 17 June 2014 18:18

0-o fuck that, play some Ozzy and some disturbed

Reply

themostfab | 13

#6534609 - Thursday 11 February 2016 23:34

go GC xh

Reply

themostfab | 13

#6534610 - Thursday 11 February 2016 23:35

Ozzy is great

By shorty_64 | 0

#241935 - Friday 29 May 2009 13:04

Yeah, totally agree #9, what pricks, but I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around.