By monkeycannon7 - 24/04/2012 16:36 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks 8 344
You deserved it 29 689

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Did the toothpick scribe any interesting symbols in your mouth? If you look in the mirror, The following phrase might be written in your blood: YDI.

Go take your shirt off with a toothpick in your mouth and find out :)


How is he an asshole? It was an honest mistake douchebag.

HeroOfHyrule 0

What happened that was so bad that you 'learned the hard way'?

Go take your shirt off with a toothpick in your mouth and find out :)

He probably stabbed his gum while is shirt was coming off

thejewishfuhrer 17
HeroOfHyrule 0

Stupid FML. This was my original comment, then I realized I hated it, changed it to something else, and now it changed back and I'm stuck with a stupid comment. Great.

hellbilly205 17

It never hurts to be cautious OP. I really hope i spelt that right -_-

What I'm wondering is what would the easy way to learn that be..?

Am I the only one who envisioned the toothpick going into OPs eye?

40- The easy way would be watching OP while this happened.

Are you like friggin stupid or something? For realz. Wat do you think happened dumbass?

96 is a perfect example of someone who can't spell, and tries to call someone stupid.

I'm not sure #2 why don't you take a stab at it and find out.

Did the toothpick scribe any interesting symbols in your mouth? If you look in the mirror, The following phrase might be written in your blood: YDI.

You know what's worse than a toothpick cutting your gums? Imagine putting a toothpick under your big toe so its sticking out and then kicking a wall. *shudders*

Or the symbols could mean dumbass once OP deciphers them.

#14 - Thank you for enlightening me with your wonderfully graphic image. Now I'm scared to walk around my house with fear of sharp objects sticking out of the wall.

#19 - You're so very welcome! Just try not to imagine the sharp wood slicing and ripping the skin underneath your toe ^.^

I tried to not imagine that. I failed.

I imagined it and popped twenty boners.

SkoomaKi, why do you keep putting gruesome scenes in the minds of the innosent (check spelling)? I will be haunted by those scenes for the rest of my life

49 - No one is innocent. If I have to live with it, so do you!

54 - Yummm... I remember I had a piece of ripped skin at the top of my finger. I pulled it quickly and it teared all the way down my finger.

Why in the he'll would you put a toothpick between your toes? That much toe jam? Smh -.-

SkoomaKi- innocent people in my mind are those who are virgins, never masturbated, or younger than 10. In my mind, there are innocent people Still, I will have nightmares for the rest of my life(I get scared easily)

Kicking the wall would hurt. Although I'm not sure what putting the toothpick under you big toe would do, unless you mean putting it under your toenail... Otherwise, it'd stay patiently on the ground while you stub your toes. :/

Nwthatzfunny 9
OhDearBetrayal 25

Oh god the grammar, it burnsssssss

OhDearBetrayal 25

31- The grammatical mistakes of today are never-ending, which is why the burning sensation that I described doesn't have a period to signify relief.

37 - Very true my friend. For some reason, I find your comment very beautiful.

OhDearBetrayal 25

39- That is probably the sweetest reply I have ever gotten on an FML comment. You should be proud because I'm sure even OP is smiling with his pierced mouth.

42 - The sweetest? I feel privileged then! I'm sure OP is.

37, sounds like you have a UTI, you probably get a daughter to check that!

nofearjenshere 12

^ A doctor might also help too.

Attack of the killer toothpick! Epic movie title

challan 19

Best profile I've ever stalked lol

I've seen that!!! It's. Bunch of people watching a tire with binoculars and the tire goes around blowing shit up with its telekinetic powers! SO COOL!! (though, I feel sorry for the glass bottle in the beginning) kaput...

onlythetruth_fml 0

Epic movie title if you're a 4th grader.

I'm curious as to know what actually happened...

KiddNYC1O 20

You know the feeling when you mistakenly bite your tongue? Something similar I suppose.

Oops I just thought it meant they ripped their shirt!

Mother of God.. That's terrible. I HATE IT when I bite my tongue by mistake.

OP, who gave you the bright idea to try that? I've never tried it before but I can already foresee the danger.

Nothing like an auto-pierced lip ring to show the world what a badass you are. Friend: "cool lip ring!" OP: "oh you mean this old thing? I did it myself" friend:"what did you do it with?" OP: "...a needle, while I was meditating in the Himalayas. (._. )"

I thought you couldn't read(check out 'the Chosen One FML. Click NoorFML's post and scroll down. You should see br0ccoli's comments. One of them says and I quote[as best as I can] one problem: I can't read) I found that funny and had to bring it up. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

61- lol! Great memory! It's true. I can't read, I have a specially trained monkey that types and reads for me. He knows what to type by the type of treat I give him. He's such a good monkey, although I question how he has enough money to buy a pimped out Mercedes monkey bicycle o.O Ps: I thumb'd you up :)

Thank you, br0ccoli :). Ah, that was funny. Tell the monkey that he makes perfect sense in why you can't read(this Acually isn't sarcasm, no matter what you think).

That's soooo cool!!! I wish I had a monkey like that! All I have is text-to-speech software, and speech-to-text... :'( Where'd you get it?

She probably went to Monkeys R Us... Or the amazon...

98-I got him from the animal shelter under the 'exotic' section. I knew he was the one when I saw him reading a dictionary in the corner of his cage. 103: monkeys R us was out of small monkeys that day

Be happy you didn't do it with a knife.

honeybeebre16 3

-no hard food for you for awhile =/ sorry buddy.!