Miscellaneous: Today, I learned that my 76 year-old great aunt likes to swim... - FML

By MsConfusedd - 01/09/2012 04:30 - United States - Hazlet

Today, I learned that my 76 year-old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 686

You deserved it 2 019

Empathy lives

Sounds like a scam

Teenagers

By fmltom - 16/12/2015 02:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 684

You deserved it 1 652

By walker - 06/07/2013 04:17 - United States

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 593

You deserved it 4 889

By TheIVkindaruinsthemood - 05/08/2015 18:58 - United States - Milford

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 898

You deserved it 2 861

Can't be unseen

By my poor eyes - 15/02/2021 16:01 - United States - Danville

Today, I found out the hard way that my 74-year-old dad sometimes wakes up early and washes dishes. Sounds great, except sometimes he likes to do so with nothing on from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 73

You ANIMAL

By ElevatorThug - 25/08/2009 09:17 - Singapore

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 182

You deserved it 34 228

By Anonymous - 28/01/2015 01:24 - United States - Rochester

Today, I spent over an hour shovelling the walkway and driveway, snow blowing in my face and down my coat. When I was finally finished, a guy started going through the neighborhood plowing everyone's driveways for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 409

You deserved it 2 959

By Laptop - 25/05/2010 04:44 - France

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 665

You deserved it 3 713

By ohdamn - 22/09/2009 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist. I parked my car in what I thought was the dentist's car park. It was actually the car park for the business next door. I had to watch them clamp my car from the dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 682

You deserved it 6 784

By do your own ironing - 15/04/2013 04:32

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 762

You deserved it 5 541

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 307

You deserved it 3 576

Out of order

By HornyWife - 13/06/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, I'm on my honeymoon. My husband and I cannot consummate our marriage, because his penis has an open wound due to… vigorous masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 257

You deserved it 317

By wish.was.single - 25/01/2012 18:33 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 883

You deserved it 5 646

On the leash

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 01:59

Today, it hit me hard that the girl I love is not still not interested after a year. She's now ghosting me, and she hangs out with my friends daily. She constantly talks about dating in front of me and only text/calls me when I post shorts/stories hanging out with other girls, just to pull me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 620

Worn out

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 802

You deserved it 5 949

Forever Alone

By Lisa - 19/08/2018 23:30

Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 835

You deserved it 209

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 1 775

By love_today - 30/05/2010 02:36 - Canada

Today, I got called a f***ing b**ch by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 230

You deserved it 7 113

By sickandtiredofit - 24/01/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 195

You deserved it 3 090

By hatemyjob - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 478

You deserved it 6 663

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:04 - United States - Placentia

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 912

You deserved it 29 325

shrinks into corner

By Ally - 24/03/2018 05:00

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 653

You deserved it 629

By Toloveornottolove - 12/06/2016 16:08 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 093

You deserved it 1 088

By thunderthighs644 - 23/11/2011 03:21

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 281

You deserved it 11 842

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, but on the way back was rear-ended, in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 955

You deserved it 3 173

By annon - 11/02/2012 06:23 - Canada

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 392

You deserved it 3 357

By Someguy - 06/06/2011 18:55 - Belgium

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 846

You deserved it 56 866

Red flags popping up all over the place

By Jackie - 01/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that his best friend of 10 years is giving him the silent treatment because he told her he's in a relationship. He's become a depressed wreck. When I asked him if he's secretly in love with her or something, he flipped a table over and told me to, "mind my own fucking business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 119

I CAN HEAR YOU

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 14:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 102

By datingamoron - 14/02/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 281

You deserved it 3 963

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 759

You deserved it 2 761

Baby you can't drive my car

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 18:01 - Australia

Today, I received a notice of a suspended driver's license on account of my epilepsy. I have to submit my license by the suspension date, or I could be fined. The suspension date was 8 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 59

Cancel Student Debt

By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 16:00

Today, I paid $800.00 towards my student loans. That was the minimum payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 395

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 15:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 420

You deserved it 11 804

By shygirl - 20/05/2012 13:13 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with "Congrats Beth and Steve!" Her husband's name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 198

You deserved it 10 131

Such a helpful kitty!

By Preggers - 14/03/2017 20:00

Today, my cat has taken it upon herself to provide for the heavily pregnant lady. So far I've been presented with a mouse and 3 birds. I know they're for me because she meows until I see them, then walks away again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 280

You deserved it 656

By blarg - 30/01/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 965

You deserved it 27 457

By Helena - 25/09/2018 03:00

Today, I was on my Wheel of Time fanfiction roleplay chatting seductively with my virtual lover while taking a break from doing some work, only to realize that I had accidentally sent the revenue report to my fellow fanfiction lover and used magic to undress my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 4 515

Good enough reason

By Anonymous - 17/05/2017 20:00

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 064

You deserved it 448

By Anoymous - 18/09/2013 18:31 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 152

You deserved it 11 999

By 5p4571k - 25/05/2014 17:35 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 908

You deserved it 7 552

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Saturday 1 September 2012 12:43

That's hot. Hook me up bro'

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:19

That's the definition of "confidence" right there! Well, it's either that or "not giving a flying fuck". I get the two confused sometimes.

Comments

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Saturday 1 September 2012 12:43

That's hot. Hook me up bro'

boredSOLDIER 33

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:05

was she "pruney"

patrickalamo 47

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:14

You two could meet up at the wrinkle room.

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:26

She's pretty raw....in a very literal term.

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:14

You make me sick.

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:41

My thought is on if OP had to assist her in swimming, you know so she doesn't drown.

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Saturday 1 September 2012 15:02

17 - wouldn't she be more well done than raw? Hehe

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Saturday 1 September 2012 16:38

That is wrong and why does she think it is ok?

DespairFaction 11

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Saturday 1 September 2012 18:48

That's hotness you cant unsee.

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Saturday 1 September 2012 21:47

Only here in Jersey would something like this happen.

Teyros 24

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Sunday 2 September 2012 1:01

76 years of life experience. That truly is beautiful

XxskyelovexX 13

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Sunday 2 September 2012 1:49

76- Oh god I didn't see the Jersey thing at first damn I hope I don't run into Op and his/her great aunt o.o

Pandacupcakelove 26

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Saturday 1 September 2012 12:44

Look on the bright side... Can't possibly get more awkward now.

loloalltheway 23

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:49

Probably would be more awkward if OP caught her and one of OP friends having sex...

Pandacupcakelove 26

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:10

Stop. You're putting awful images in my head!

supportcommand 17

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:12

Old aunt could have some of her skinny dipping friends over. That would be more awkward right?

loloalltheway 23

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Saturday 1 September 2012 15:40

Haha sorry 27, I just needed to state that it could get much, much more awkward

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Saturday 1 September 2012 19:31

The aunt also coulda been like 90 years old with boobs that touch the floor and she might have wanted op to rub some lotion on em so they don't up lookin like fried eggs. Dude, it can always get more awkward lol

Pandacupcakelove 26

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Saturday 1 September 2012 19:31

Make it stop!

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Sunday 2 September 2012 4:15

What if the uncle also liked to swim naked? And so did all the other relatives.... Can't unsee any of that..

onlychildFTW 33

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Saturday 1 September 2012 12:45

That's pretty gross. Really nothing else can describe it.

hopsinlove17 26

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Saturday 1 September 2012 15:24

Let her have her fun. You should know by now that angry old people make for a lot of hell on your part.

lovemesomeanth 2

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Saturday 1 September 2012 12:53

Old people have no shame.

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:31

They really don't, haha. My grandmother always keeps the door to the bathroom wide open when she takes a bath...

dressedskeleton 10

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:31

Well.. I suppose by that age, you really don't need to give a shit about much- YOLO? ;)

SystemofaBlink41 27

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:41

35- I was going to thumb you up but then I saw YOLO....

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Saturday 1 September 2012 17:54

What's with people that say YOLO... Did you guys you think you lived twice or some shit before Drake started saying it???

btstig 11

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Saturday 1 September 2012 12:57

NOW IT'S A PARTY!!

trippythehippy 6

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:00

At 76 she's earned the right to not give a damn. And the right to seem just a lil off. But still. Offer her an iron when she gets out? Here come the down votes :)

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:22

I gave a thumbs up.. Why you ask? I'm insane.

trippythehippy 6

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Saturday 1 September 2012 17:51

Insanity is fun

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:02

That's called old man/woman aerobics!

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:09

Her house, her pool, her birthday suit!

rachelndrws180 4

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:17

YHU HAVE A POOL O.O D:

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:59

12 That's all you got out of this FML?

walmartpaysme 15

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Saturday 1 September 2012 15:23

Hey idk about where you live, but it's averaging 100 degrees here. A pool sounds really awesome right now.

Teyros 24

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Sunday 2 September 2012 0:58

"it's 100 degrees out here and if it gets any warmer I'm gonna kick your ass."

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:18

#scarredForLife

ManInTheMachine 19

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:39

#fuckoffwiththehashtags

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:42

#ThisIsn'tTwitter

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:43

***asterisks are better

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 859

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 1 071