Miscellaneous: Today, I was swimming in a public pool, and I felt a tug on my...

By Nick

Today, I was swimming in a public pool, and I felt a tug on my swimming trunks. It was my grandma snorkeling. FML

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12673

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Blender time!

Backwards world

By Anonymous - United States - Apache Junction

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

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22367

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By LoserOfTheYear - United States

Today, I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. After signing in the receptionist looked at me and said "Lip wax?". I told her no, my eyebrows. She sat me down and the waxer walked up, took one look at me and said "Lip wax?" FML

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34045

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33757

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5132

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58889

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By BustedEgo - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

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52664

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7293

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By burn in hell - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33773

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1932

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By ohyey - Norway

Dead bed

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33103

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7011

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By haus - United States

Nice try

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

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14253

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By woahitbechels - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35932

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12578

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By burned - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19065

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63932

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By SLA - United States

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

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108242

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By Anonymous

Economy class

Today, my wife and I moved into our new place. I'm recovering from back surgery and out of work. To help make up the rent, her boyfriend moved in too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1931

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375

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By WhatdyaDo - Canada

Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML

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32875

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69155

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 14:01

Walking Dead

Today, my doctor informed me I was a fascinating patient. Why? I have "more health issues than a patient my age should." I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1414

You deserved it

116

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By whoops - Taiwan

PUSH

Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24494

You deserved it

10936

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By Noname - United States

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

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88875

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By nightmarestonite - Canada

Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in my bedroom. My brother kindly pointed out that when flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes. Now I can't unsee it. FML

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43240

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4286

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

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48323

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7332

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By thanks, fuckface - United States - Parachute

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41020

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4128

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By Anonymous - United States - San Bruno

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

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35760

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By iJuli - United States - Billings

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML

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29292

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2660

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By astalkerindeed - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50378

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6432

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By MadSon - United States

Today, my dad had something to tell me. He'd cleaned out my bank account to pay off 38,000 dollars worth of gambling debt. My wedding is in 5 months. FML

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51906

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4086

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By TKDConnor92 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

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31589

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6696

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By Lorbibo - 14/1/2021 17:00

Yeet the guy

Today, I was trying to set up a date with my boyfriend of two years, but he said he didn’t want to, and then to interrupted me to talk to his friends on Discord. FML

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711

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134

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By Anonymous

Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML

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1910

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115

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By kolgate - United States

The gays

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45601

You deserved it

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By wet dreams - United States - Cartersville

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

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21885

You deserved it

4523

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By tango-c - United States - Parker

Today, I sent a cover letter in which I bragged about my exceptional attention to detail. After it was sent, I noticed the company name and address were from a different job application. FML

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8999

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By Anonymous - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I was bitched out at 2am by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

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45951

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By allison_fishing - United States

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30185

You deserved it

1821

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By ks.swan13

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

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43561

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By Dumped

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3767

You deserved it

339

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By HaroldLames - 1/3/2021 11:01

What have you got yourself into?

Today, the court is unable to allow me to divorce my wife because she is pregnant with our child. I have to wait until AFTER the baby is born, so that she is born inside of a marriage and not be an "illegitimate child". I was planning to move out of our house to go live with my high school sweetheart this weekend. FML

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304

You deserved it

2545

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By notsogoodtrainee - United States - Fargo

Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around the corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced him self to me as the head manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24544

You deserved it

4760

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By fckdsamaritan - Tunisia

Today, I helped a man with a neck brace get on the bus. I fell asleep, only to wake up later on to him gratuitously stroking my breasts with his elbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32278

You deserved it

4318

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 19:59

Look mom!

Today, I was having my 9 year-old son help me find the TV remote. We were searching my bedroom when all the sudden my son says, “Look, mom it’s right here!” I turn around to see him pointing to where the remote was with my vibrator like a teacher pointing at a blackboard with a pointer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

434

You deserved it

766

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 05:02

#1 Dad of the day

Today, according to my husband, our son is at the difficult age where he can finally speak fluent English, but is still too childishly dumb to say anything interesting, intelligent or frankly worth listening to at all. There are times I wish I was a divorced single mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1191

You deserved it

406

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By Anonymous - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34848

You deserved it

2758

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By broke bitch - United States - Hampton

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

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26395

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2314

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Top comments

By nattnatt73 | 31

#6641366 - Saturday 2 July 2016 2:13

I don't really understand the FML in this situation

By ScarletSarah | 19

#6663127 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:03

Did she pull them down? I don't see the problem here. More info would be great

COMMENTS

By nattnatt73 | 31

#6641366 - Saturday 2 July 2016 2:13

I don't really understand the FML in this situation

nattnatt73 | 31

#6642218 - Sunday 3 July 2016 10:44

No but seriously can you please explain?

Mangascribbler | 19

#6643236 - Monday 4 July 2016 23:29

It's cool, I don't get it either.

By alphafish17 | 16

#6663126 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:01

Huh?

By ScarletSarah | 19

#6663127 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:03

Did she pull them down? I don't see the problem here. More info would be great

By nesteremily | 31

#6663129 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:04

Hey at least she didn't pull them down.

By honeyleee | 15

#6663130 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:04

LOL. I came to the comments with hopes of an explanation but nobody understands. I feel better.

By jcash52426 | 5

#6663134 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:06

Grandmas can snorkel!?!?!?

By farmgirl98 | 14

#6663139 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:13

Just be glad you have a grandma. I'd give anything to have my grandma back to tease me

By chrisbeaudoin | 26

#6663141 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:16

Nobody really knows what you mean op, this is one of the most pointless fmls I've seen lately

By TurquoiseJesus | 15

#6663144 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:27

I can only assume she grabbed your dick, otherwise what?

By flamingarrow59 | 21

#6663145 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 3:32

Was it like sexual or something? That'd be fucked but besides that there's nothing I can see FML worthy.