Miscellaneous: Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like...

By Sam - 20/06/2010 13:18 - France

Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 963

You deserved it 3 738

Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

Vulture

Real life

By Useless Key - 02/09/2018 18:30

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 973

You deserved it 308

Blackout drunk

By MagnusDeus - 07/06/2015 15:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 760

You deserved it 1 744

By gloomy - 15/08/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 682

You deserved it 766

By Anonymous - 15/07/2015 16:29 - United States - Katy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 846

You deserved it 2 699

By 102496 - 05/02/2010 03:53 - France

Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 677

You deserved it 4 564

By wowdadreally - 23/12/2014 20:46 - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 6 448

By hellokitty133 - 30/09/2011 01:56 - United States

Today, the boys who sit at my math table decided it would be funny to throw broken pencils at my boobs to see if they were real. They did this the entire class period. I have to work with this group for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 927

You deserved it 3 706

By me - 18/05/2011 04:13

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 838

You deserved it 6 233

By Anonymous - 19/04/2011 03:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 010

You deserved it 40 269

By BadLuckCarson - 12/02/2013 05:55 - United States - Muscatine

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 731

You deserved it 3 708

By dead rats - 08/08/2016 13:58

Today, I had a terrible stomach ache and had some pretty bad gas at work. I tried to head down to the basement for a while to allow my coworkers to continue in peace. About an hour after I came back up, my boss called pest control due to the horrible smell that "must be dead rats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 440

You deserved it 1 282

By Anonymous - 22/04/2015 14:14 - United States - Athens

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 834

You deserved it 3 648

By oldlady - 08/11/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 069

You deserved it 2 449

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 20:57 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 817

You deserved it 6 118

By Crazy Cat Guy - 09/01/2015 06:44 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 377

You deserved it 4 406

By hatemylife - 19/07/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 882

You deserved it 6 904

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 18:07 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 607

You deserved it 3 861

By fmlcops - 22/05/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 182

You deserved it 5 438

By Anon - 06/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 878

You deserved it 5 582

By Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis - 07/08/2015 02:55 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 871

You deserved it 3 591

By anonymous - 13/06/2012 16:58 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 183

You deserved it 2 196

By Hair problems - 20/10/2018 12:00

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 239

You deserved it 1 216

By Nick - 20/07/2013 19:37 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 133

You deserved it 5 098

By Luke - 05/08/2010 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered how my ex-girlfriend exacted her revenge. Every item of clothing I own now has sequins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 538

You deserved it 11 757

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 20:32

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 412

You deserved it 1 701

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 532

You deserved it 4 702

By assumed - 01/03/2011 16:47

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 509

You deserved it 3 721

By Puppy problems - 27/10/2013 01:23 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 461

You deserved it 4 481

All in the family

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 02:02

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 78

By lefthandspanker - 27/08/2015 16:34 - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 819

You deserved it 1 613

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 167

You deserved it 218

By rejectedmidair - 13/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 148

You deserved it 7 030

By mackmoons - 10/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out someone doing the exact same job as me at work is making $900 more than me on their paycheck. The only reason is because when he messes up, he blames it on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 132

By Brad - 03/01/2013 06:47 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 919

You deserved it 25 574

By NotoriousSRJ - 28/01/2011 15:43 - Canada

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 880

You deserved it 4 283

In the bag!

By hiccups - 16/05/2021 14:02

Today, I had a job interview. I thought it was going pretty well, until I got the hiccups. The interviewer immediately said, "Yeah, I think we’re done here," and sent me away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 58

By fuckmeitsgettingworse - 24/02/2014 19:36 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 392

You deserved it 4 626

By rawr - 20/04/2011 14:15

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 303

You deserved it 3 568

Toxic

By makeupsex - 14/02/2012 11:25 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 144

You deserved it 5 219

By pasquale - 20/09/2014 06:54 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 963

You deserved it 5 610

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Top comments

SyraSid5 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:08

use his toothbrush instead, he's probably to drunk to even notice, and then tell him when he is sober!

emopinback 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:07

i wish i had a father but now i dont want one

yelwarc 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:04

sorry op fml

joeyisinsane 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:05

lick my blowjob

seanreddog 4

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:18

He's just tryna have fun.

daymann 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:19

peeing in kitchen plants... the regar old American dream

cloverpi314 4

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:24

ahahhahahagha!!

JuroBear 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:24

Really? That sounds more like my birthday!

Nena713 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:38

Fyl. All my dad wants to do today is chill.

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:55

Wow, I wonder what mother's day is like in your family.

xBangOut 4

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Sunday 20 June 2010 20:07

He have his style!

lololol32 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 20:10

Hey, pee is good for plants. It carrys nitrogen and other minerals, helping the plant be more robust, AND your father is reducing water pollution by putting his piss to good use. You have a lot to learn from your father and you would be wise to follow in his footsteps. ... just kidding OP, this FML is pretty sad :(

oppsalot 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 20:26

#38 yeah man! Ammonia is super good for plants!! ;)

raymel 5

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Sunday 20 June 2010 20:38

France.... and fyl that's gross

Stefany713 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 20:43

in my family fathers day mean both my dad and my mom coming home at 3am drunk telling me and my brother not to worry if they die that night. then my dad passes out on the floor while my mom falls in her own puke, saying it smells bad. I'm so serious this happened last year lol

BuddyChristSays 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 21:09

best father ever

PYLrulz 17

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Sunday 20 June 2010 21:56

38 - good point X-D

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Sunday 20 June 2010 22:02

Well, at least my family is normal, day at the park for the past few hours and now were making corn on the cob. Indeed an fml for OP, your dad has issues

Ms_Jessie22 8

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Sunday 20 June 2010 22:13

I'm flying all day, I don't even get to see my daddy til tomorrow :(

lololol32 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 23:08

Ms_Jessie, are you like a celebrity in FML? You know everyone and everyone seems to know you

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Sunday 20 June 2010 23:11

If you go on FML often enough people know who you are, like me and her and a few others

ke59100 1

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Sunday 20 June 2010 23:22

This fml was worded lamely. You're lame.

bigdaddy45 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 23:24

lol classic

Roflmaaark 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 23:27

...whens Fathers Dsy? My mum and dad havent said anything about it.

NatDancer2010 0

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Monday 21 June 2010 1:18

ahhh the glories of papas

llcooljoey 0

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Monday 21 June 2010 4:20

yup (I hate antiflood) (I hate it more now) (now this is just getting evil)

comatoast 0

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Monday 21 June 2010 6:05

it's fathers day! he puts up with your crap the other 364 days out of the year, so let him do whatever the fuck he wants!

Ms_Jessie22 8

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Monday 21 June 2010 6:07

Haha celebrity? No. Although glamour whore (as I've been called) does seem almost synonomous with that. I just come on here often enough to recognize most people and be recognized in turn. Loren's more of a 'celeb' than me. He's sure been around longer.

xzain 0

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Monday 21 June 2010 6:49

ydi for not sayin no

DesiGir324 0

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Monday 21 June 2010 7:16

OP, I wanna hear what he does on his birthday next.

kram02 2

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Monday 21 June 2010 7:16

aww sorry op that sucks.. hate it when my dad is drunk..

Freeze_fml 16

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Monday 21 June 2010 12:38

I am a celebrity. Show us your bra.

Ms_Jessie22 8

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Monday 21 June 2010 19:54

Freeze- You wish :P

Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH 7

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Sunday 16 September 2012 9:47

Shoulda used his toothbrush to scrub his toe jam. He wouldn't know the difference.

bluelahve 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:05

well... it IS his day... but that sucks

samanthadude 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:17

I agree, it is his day, I'm sure you can deal for one day. My dad just wants us to leave him alone and let him watch his sports on father's day. =P

WallyTheWombat 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 20:01

getting drunk? peeing in plants? foot massages? I want to party with op's father!

emopinback 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:07

i wish i had a father but now i dont want one

SyraSid5 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:08

use his toothbrush instead, he's probably to drunk to even notice, and then tell him when he is sober!

ygdrassil 17

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Sunday 20 June 2010 20:19

Or just throw out the toothbrush when you're through.

so_unlucky89765 4

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:11

wow tht sux fyl

NBS93 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:13

That really sucks.

Raleigh_bruh 7

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Sunday 20 June 2010 19:14

Scrub in between hos toes with your toothbrush..? I really don't see why he made you do that, but if you had to do that why not use his toothbrush instead?