Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML
Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
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Top comments
Lepisma 38
There is only one solution. Burn the house down. Who needs candles on a cake when you can have a raging inferno of fiery spider death?
tounces7 28
Surprise! I see everyone got to the party on time! Did they at least Gift-wrap some still-living flies for you?
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Comments (42)
tounces7 28
Surprise! I see everyone got to the party on time! Did they at least Gift-wrap some still-living flies for you?
Lepisma 38
There is only one solution. Burn the house down. Who needs candles on a cake when you can have a raging inferno of fiery spider death?
BoxFullOfLazy 25
Poor spiders. All they did was be born and you're wanting to send them to their death. ;-;
ShotaSammy 17
#10 I have a saying about spiders. I will respect your existence and would rather you live, but if you invade my home, I have a right to defend myself.
OlRed 28
No no no. They're trying to tell op something. Op are you sure you don't have a basilisk hiding in your basement?
whysojealous 18
#10 If they don't pay rent, they gotta go mate
mattiscg 22
agreed
Armeniangirl_fml 15
love the reference there!
19foxy81 8
That's a yucky present!
Sj1147 12
That's a sticky situation get it..spider webs ..haha anyone no ...okay.
legoman213579 13
Hey its my birthday too!!!!
BoxFullOfLazy 25
Sounds like someone had a late night Spider-Man visit.
bsshooter 14
No Doubt, thought you loved their song.
captain_hero89 22
awe you share the same birthday with your spiders
Bookworm1315 13
Aren't 'glad it wasn't me' and 'I agree your life sucks' basically the same thing?
ouijacorn 9
We call that "nature's confetti". Happy birthday!