Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. Fifteen minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML
Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML
Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML
Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML
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Top comments
Nolimit2217 32
Is your friend Charlie Sheen?!
myusername83 10
Well at least you get to spend quality time with him still...with hookers
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Comments (97)
lulzcoaster 3
video it
rosco98 16
Well i think you both need a new couch now
worldclassrager 39
You sex isn't given but still I'll make an assumption... Well good thing he's not your boyfriend...and now probably never will be...I sure hope he finds a place soon...
Priyaroshni 40
I assumed OP was a female as well. QueenBee is an unusual name choice for a man.
invadermaythe1st 35
What a loner
Omniprism 14
Wow he's got some balls to invite a hooker to your place while he's on the couch. Good luck with that. Maybe suggest he rent a motel room for his excursions.
worthlessACfan 11
always take questions seriously, guess you've learnt that by now
SuperStormCindy 8
The fact that he has to pay for sex is Pathetic. FYL, OP.
joselgarciac 9
op never said it was unacceptable...
n3ophyt3 10
First cover yout couch with a cloth ... else u might need to trash it later
Priyaroshni 40
You could have quickly said "I thought you meant Hookah, you know, the water pipe?", given the hooker a tip for traveling expenses and closed the door.