Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. Fifteen minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML
Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML
Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML
Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML
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Top comments
Nolimit2217 32
Is your friend Charlie Sheen?!
myusername83 10
Well at least you get to spend quality time with him still...with hookers
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Comments (97)
pandalover69 26
Kick him out now! Trust me you don't need a loser like that staying with you. My boyfriend let a friend stay on his couch last year for what was suppose to be 2 weeks, it turned in to 4 months and his "friend" had to be rescued from a strip club more then once. He also brought questionable women around all the time.
noreia 14
kick his sorry ass out and learn your lesson... if a guy asks you something answer it very clearly - no matter how much of a joke the question seems to you...
Lustuu_fml 14
I guess he's more like a Chuck Bass than a Charlie Sheen then!
tsukinoie 11
I am a woman and bisexual, those two points being said this hooker was the most ugly she-thing I have ever seen. He decided he would stay with a dude friend who understands his urges....
Priyaroshni 40
A very good idea. Thank you for following up. Dare I ask, where did your friend propose to complete the transaction? On the couch or borrow your bedroom?
sammyjanette 17
Your best friend is gross.
tsukinoie 11
He wanted to use my bedroom.... Yeah he and the lovely friend he invited over left and went to his MOTHERS
ksks1234 33
That is an...interesting conversation to have with your mom. "Hey mom, can this hooker and I use your room for the hour?"
bobslawnservice 16
Tell him to just knock one out in the shower next time. Less awkward for everyone involved.
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
Hey OP were you in that movie "The Conjuring"?
molliciousj 19
Time to tell him he needs to find a new place to stay...
Shadowlainx 11
Your best friend has no respect for you. kick him out
awilliams44 9
I think ur friend has an addiction..
TheyCallMeDamien 17
He can't afford his own place but he has money for prostitutes?
mrtonyanderson 20
Sounds like a good friend.
07rclare 18
Sounds like an awesome friend.