Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. Fifteen minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML
Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML
Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML
Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML
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Top comments
Nolimit2217 32
Is your friend Charlie Sheen?!
myusername83 10
Well at least you get to spend quality time with him still...with hookers
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Comments (97)
leary96 15
Hookers and blow fall under bro code.
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
What would you know about blow
Enslaved 36
Wow! He got a hooker faster than I can get my pizza delivered?
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
The one thats Indian usually comes slower.
brandoneyez1 25
Is he paying for you too?
weveallbeenthere 30
kick his ass out.
turtlescott163 11
Why didn't you say "no hookers"?
marrymarz 13
wow.！ I can hardly believe it
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
Wow!
HeyTherexxx 21
You can order hookers like you order pizza? Well, with the exception that the 'pizza' is nasty.
TXFernwoods 26
I hope he used protection(:
Ben009 13
Join in or kick them out
ksks1234 33
He can afford hookers, but he cannot afford another place, or at the very least, a motel room?