Transportation: Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

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Rock, hard place

Out of it

The smell detective is on the case

By CurtisWogan - United States - Albany

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

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By dullstuff - Belgium

Today, my bike got stolen because I left my keys in the lock. On my way home, I saw my bike in front of a store, unlocked. I jumped on it, only to get punched in the face by the guy that had taken it, and got it stolen from me again. FML

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By calamity janet

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Dasmari?as

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2021 15:30 - United States

Gratitude

Today, I found out my boyfriend of four years, whom I have stuck by through every hardship, including his ongoing battle with military PTSD, is cheating on me. FML

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By fml - United States

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

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By please stay on the line

Today, I was sitting in the break room when my boss came in and yelled at me about a mistake. Because I've worked in customer service for years, I instinctively responded with, "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir. I hope you'll still consider us in the future." FML

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By ColderThanCold

Today, the company that was supposed to clear our apartment's parking lot never showed up. I almost got frostbite in my fingers trying to shovel someone's car out since my gloves got soaking wet. FML

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By 1940s wants their attitude back - 29/9/2020 20:01 - United States

Thanks ma

Today, I excitedly told my mom how I got accepted to the master’s program of my dreams. She decided now would be a good time to proudly repeat for the millionth time how she gave up a full ride to the Ivy League to marry my father, and I ought to be a "good woman" and do the same. FML

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By fffmmll - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

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By ImOverHere - United States - Whitehouse

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

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By Clutz - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

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By iLikeMyLegs - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

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By run4fun - United States

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

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By why - United States - Beachwood

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

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By zobara - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

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By Danny - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Monterey

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

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By fuckwank - United States - Red Oak

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

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By Sonakshi - 11/9/2020 13:03 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Detained

Today, I forgot to bring a letter to my secondary school, so I went to detention. I told them it got lost, but it's only when my parents phoned and told them the same thing that they believed it. So I got detention for nothing. FML

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By SeaBind - United States - Saginaw

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

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By re2K5 - Korea Republic of

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

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By cantstopfeelingit

Gross!

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

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By GetFuzzy

Coach Class

Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML

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By leenibeani4 - United States

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

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By Mr.Incognito-san - 3/4/2021 17:00

Projectile

Today, my sisters were fighting, again. Unfortunately, one of them has the tendency to pick up the closest object and throw it at the other one. Unfortunately, I was the closest object, again. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Fort Smith

Today, for Mother's Day, I surprised my Mother with the news I that I'll be visiting in June. The last time we got to visit was 4 years ago, we live 4000 miles apart and it's a very expensive trip. She said, "No, come next June, I want to lose some more weight before seeing you." FML

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By longest minute - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

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By bannana0zoom - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

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By alittlepersonal - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

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By Mack - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

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By jswag2004 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

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By jobless

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

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By krt - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

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By ouchbrow - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Apache Junction

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

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By apparentlytoougly - United States - Garden Grove

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2021 23:01 - Germany

Partaaaaaaaay !

Today, being unemployed and under lockdown, my idea of a party is driving to the dentist and turning the sound system up in my car. FML

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Top comments

By mariepastyglue | 30

#5543635 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:07

something always goes wrong when the elderly are involved!

By Soniye | 14

#5543639 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:08

Okay seriously STOP trusting the elderly!! Lmfao I see they have striked again..

COMMENTS

By mariepastyglue | 30

#5543635 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:07

something always goes wrong when the elderly are involved!

Reply

jerzjay | 17

#5543651 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:11

No good deed goes unpunished with those elderly

Reply

hemz_fml | 13

#5543882 - Thursday 20 June 2013 13:18

Probably just an accident.

Reply

BryanVilla | 2

#5544183 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:14

The elderly are getting out of control these days. Seriously if an elderly person asks you for help, you say no.

Reply

RainbowInput | 8

#5544568 - Friday 21 June 2013 0:52

*Insert crazy elderly conspiracy theory here*

By noelasis94 | 18

#5543636 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:07

How bizarre

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#5543687 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:36

"Is that a Chevy 69?"
How bizarre, how bizarre"

"Every time I look around, it's in my face" :P

By Soniye | 14

#5543639 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:08

Okay seriously STOP trusting the elderly!! Lmfao I see they have striked again..

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5543717 - Thursday 20 June 2013 10:09

*struck

Reply

Soniye | 14

#5543780 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:22

Lol wasn't long for the grammar cat to start correcting.

Reply

dyehardxen | 19

#5543970 - Thursday 20 June 2013 15:14

OP Might not have had a choice. Part of my job is to push carts back indoors and help people with their purchases. It is a valid concern as people tend to not pay attention while they're in parking lots

By lakersfan2424 | 8

#5543640 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:08

Ouch! I hope you're okay. It sounds like an accident. Plus, at least you did a good deed and can feel very good about yourself!

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5543641 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:09

The elderly strike again!

Reply

ComaWhiteLove | 18

#5543646 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:10

BANG!

Reply

ComaWhiteLove | 18

#5543673 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:26

Nothing like some 3am duck hunting

By ladylilly25 | 20

#5543642 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:09

Nothing says thank you like some bruised ribs!

By zen1979 | 16

#5543643 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:09

And they say the elderly can't drive...

By PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#5543644 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:09

Elderly people have strange ways. Maybe in her bingo tribe that is the way of thanks.

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5543719 - Thursday 20 June 2013 10:11

Bingo "tribe." I pictured a bunch of old people playing bingo while wearing Native American head dress. Made me chuckle

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#5543733 - Thursday 20 June 2013 10:23

This was my thoughts exactly.

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5543645 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:10

Got her shit in the car and booked it...

By jc10x | 8

#5543649 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:11

Tough love