Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

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Age ain't nothing but a number

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By trick or not treat - France

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

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By aranya - Netherlands - Hengevelde

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

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By ::Tracy:: - Australia

Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evanston

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

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By Lovergirl - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

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By blaaargh - United States - Seymour

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

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By redheadmess - 20/7/2020 02:01

Pay up

Today, my grandfather sent me a bill from when I had to live with him in foster care. I apparently owe him 62k for shampoo, food, etc. FML

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By unfucked - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

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By noeducation - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

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By cap - 9/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Last trip

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

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By iStoleTheBrownie

Paparazzi

Today, my friend asked me to send her a picture of my crush. I've never talked to him so I had to take the picture without him knowing. My flash was on. FML

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By chaoticnh - Austria

Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

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By Genuine D - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

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By Zannanana

Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

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By sprocket - Hong Kong

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML

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By letstradefamilies - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

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By immaturity all around - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

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By bride - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

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By screwed - 11/3/2020 23:00

Bad choice of material, dude

Today, I told my on and off girlfriend as a joke that I stalked her two years ago. She didn't believe me. When I say she didn't believe me, I mean she didn't believe it was a joke. FM

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By Anonymous - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pulaski

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

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By omgomgomg - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a rush and had to get changed in a train restroom. While changing, I leaned against the button that opened the door. Not only do train toilet doors open and close very slowly, leaving you half naked for a few seconds, but everyone in the carriage opposite can see clearly. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2020 02:00

Notification sound

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

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By wo-ow - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

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By nerdgirlmickey - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

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By burn in hell - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

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By confused_lemon

Should be interesting at the office tomorrow…

Today, I got thrown out by a guy I really like, with the words "Can you leave me the fuck alone, please?" I took my stuff and left as quickly as I could, just to fall down the stairs on his doorway and twist my ankle really bad. He's someone from work as well. FML

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By youlyingjerk - United States

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

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By guessimdead - United States

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

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By hjufidskndf - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people "why he is going out with such an ugly girl." FML

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By mala_19 - 19/9/2020 14:02 - Sweden

The joy of newborn babies

Today, after I, my fiance, and the doctors tried all day to get my son to eat for more than just three minutes straight, he decided to eat for thirty minutes straight in the middle of the night when I just wanted to sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

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By flipflap

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

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By Marc - Hong Kong - Tsuen Wan

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

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Top comments

By mariepastyglue | 30

#5543635 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:07

something always goes wrong when the elderly are involved!

By Soniye | 14

#5543639 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:08

Okay seriously STOP trusting the elderly!! Lmfao I see they have striked again..

COMMENTS

By mariepastyglue | 30

#5543635 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:07

something always goes wrong when the elderly are involved!

Reply

jerzjay | 17

#5543651 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:11

No good deed goes unpunished with those elderly

Reply

hemz_fml | 13

#5543882 - Thursday 20 June 2013 13:18

Probably just an accident.

Reply

BryanVilla | 2

#5544183 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:14

The elderly are getting out of control these days. Seriously if an elderly person asks you for help, you say no.

Reply

RainbowInput | 8

#5544568 - Friday 21 June 2013 0:52

*Insert crazy elderly conspiracy theory here*

By noelasis94 | 18

#5543636 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:07

How bizarre

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#5543687 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:36

"Is that a Chevy 69?"
How bizarre, how bizarre"

"Every time I look around, it's in my face" :P

By Soniye | 14

#5543639 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:08

Okay seriously STOP trusting the elderly!! Lmfao I see they have striked again..

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5543717 - Thursday 20 June 2013 10:09

*struck

Reply

Soniye | 14

#5543780 - Thursday 20 June 2013 11:22

Lol wasn't long for the grammar cat to start correcting.

Reply

dyehardxen | 19

#5543970 - Thursday 20 June 2013 15:14

OP Might not have had a choice. Part of my job is to push carts back indoors and help people with their purchases. It is a valid concern as people tend to not pay attention while they're in parking lots

By lakersfan2424 | 8

#5543640 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:08

Ouch! I hope you're okay. It sounds like an accident. Plus, at least you did a good deed and can feel very good about yourself!

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5543641 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:09

The elderly strike again!

Reply

ComaWhiteLove | 18

#5543646 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:10

BANG!

Reply

ComaWhiteLove | 18

#5543673 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:26

Nothing like some 3am duck hunting

By ladylilly25 | 20

#5543642 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:09

Nothing says thank you like some bruised ribs!

By zen1979 | 16

#5543643 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:09

And they say the elderly can't drive...

By PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#5543644 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:09

Elderly people have strange ways. Maybe in her bingo tribe that is the way of thanks.

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5543719 - Thursday 20 June 2013 10:11

Bingo "tribe." I pictured a bunch of old people playing bingo while wearing Native American head dress. Made me chuckle

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#5543733 - Thursday 20 June 2013 10:23

This was my thoughts exactly.

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5543645 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:10

Got her shit in the car and booked it...

By jc10x | 8

#5543649 - Thursday 20 June 2013 9:11

Tough love