By Anonymous - Canada - Gander

Carry her home

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44279

4309

Cars

Never flip flop and drive

Chemical warfare

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Wrong sort of poking

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54044

You deserved it

9710

Favorite

By nerdsgetmehot - United States

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55691

You deserved it

5840

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By XxmegaronixX - United States - Fond Du Lac

Today, my workplace often leaves out "expired" food from the café that our department coincides with, as it is wasteful to throw away perfectly fine cuisine. I soon discovered that the inside of a seemingly normal looking cupcake was actually filled with mold when I took a large mouthful of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13173

You deserved it

2925

Favorite

By not even getting any of her shrimp - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50554

You deserved it

6490

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By dumped - United States - Atlanta

Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24386

You deserved it

2442

Favorite

By IHateMyJob - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27602

You deserved it

3371

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom. It was ProActiv acne solution. He tried to make me feel better by explaining it's because she wants to be able to include me in family pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40109

You deserved it

3365

Favorite

By wtf dad - 22/7/2020 23:00

Property law

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2217

You deserved it

559

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By Millian2 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24952

You deserved it

3691

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By oops - United States

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38721

You deserved it

44262

Favorite

By S. Tucker - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33731

You deserved it

3591

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By Anonymous

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2180

You deserved it

269

Favorite

By Fuckedupmom

Ghost Shoes

Today, my 3-year-old daughter has been crying non-stop for an hour because she wants to take off her black shoes. She's not wearing any. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2700

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By JennyAndrews - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

I agree, your life sucks

15111

You deserved it

31014

Favorite

By nevergoingonabusagain - Canada

Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77020

You deserved it

5680

Favorite

By Tennisplayer - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12140

You deserved it

44083

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36601

You deserved it

6174

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By SwAGkiLlS - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27857

You deserved it

5036

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By Karmaisabitch - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8244

You deserved it

53107

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By killmenow - United States - New Orleans

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38754

You deserved it

14350

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By ShinedownCM

Today, I went to apply for classes at a college my parents signed me up to do dual credit with. Too bad they used my sister's social security number so I don't get credit for my old classes and my new application got thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2924

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By Matthew - United States - Juneau

Not so Karate Kid

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1263

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By Shameonme - Morocco

Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21554

You deserved it

61013

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97764

You deserved it

4387

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By Natalie - Canada

Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25340

You deserved it

5215

Favorite

By :/ - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26007

You deserved it

3266

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By sampaloompy - United States

Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31311

You deserved it

8154

Favorite

By Dafuq happen there - South Africa

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50548

You deserved it

6597

Favorite

By Toothless_Lasagna

Today, my boyfriend and roommate got into a fist fight over a magic trick. They ended up putting a huge hole in the wall that's going to be expensive to fix. We're renting my boss's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3346

You deserved it

418

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Technologically challenged

Today, during my Zoom PTM my teacher screen-shared his Chrome tab, in which he had opened porn instead of the presentation he had to open, and now mom wants to change my school, where I've been studying in for past 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

890

You deserved it

103

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 23:06 - United States - Hesperia

First Dates

Today, a guy took me on a date to McDonald’s. I smiled, but told him politely that I don’t eat fast food. He called me a stuck-up snob and a high maintenance gold digger who didn’t deserve him. I’m neither. I have IBS and greasy food sets me off. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1231

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36236

You deserved it

4630

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By Anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12301

You deserved it

38372

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By Anonymous - Northern Mariana Islands - Saipan

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." Two hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24703

You deserved it

5298

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23854

You deserved it

2893

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By nano123 - 17/4/2020 08:00

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

505

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By hannieannie

Psychopath's joke

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2857

You deserved it

226

Favorite

By CoffeeStained - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27300

You deserved it

10052

Favorite

By BrianP - Netherlands

Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49414

You deserved it

4023

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 09:02 - United States - Cody

Those assholes are everywhere!

Today, I found out my wife's sister is an antivaxxer, and my wife is headed that way too. Our first baby is due next February. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1503

You deserved it

152

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Top comments

By _taylorrpaigee_ | 5

#5947532 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:35

At least you tried to help!:)

By OzzMonster | 10

#5947541 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:37

Adopt her, she seems adorably senile

COMMENTS

By _taylorrpaigee_ | 5

#5947532 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:35

At least you tried to help!:)

sweetest_jenn | 18

#5947630 - Saturday 17 May 2014 3:21

No good deed goes unnoticed, kudos to OP for being kind to the elderly. This should not be an FML at all.

friedpwnadge | 25

#5947683 - Saturday 17 May 2014 4:27

I was not surprised that OP is Canadian.

brand125 | 17

#5947727 - Saturday 17 May 2014 5:07

she just wanted a nice young man to stuff her up ;)

nurchok | 15

#5949446 - Sunday 18 May 2014 22:35

Your act makes you a good person and that's what counts. Keep it up

By moomanjohnny | 10

#5947534 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:35

Hopefully you didn't have to take her groceries home for her OP.

brand125 | 17

#5947732 - Saturday 17 May 2014 5:08

then op gets abducted

By worldclassrager | 39

#5947538 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:36

Hey props for the help the time just wasn't right you'll get it next time

By SaintJupiter | 16

#5947540 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:37

Ahhhhhh ya gotta love the elderly. They try :p

zandalee | 19

#5948068 - Saturday 17 May 2014 12:19

Getting old is not for sissies.

By OzzMonster | 10

#5947541 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:37

Adopt her, she seems adorably senile

By flashback.miss | 28

#5947543 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:37

well, nice of you to help! Hopefully you shared a laugh over it~

By cjlerch | 29

#5947544 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:37

Hey, at least you have the satisfaction of knowing you helped. Most people I know wouldn't have.

By polishguy05 | 15

#5947545 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:37

It's the thought that counts, it never hurts to be kind

badminton | 14

#5948944 - Sunday 18 May 2014 8:26

I agree

By Agtthepw | 21

#5947548 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:38

I hope you gave her a lift after such a disappointment!

By eternal_malaise | 10

#5947554 - Saturday 17 May 2014 1:42

Hopefully she remembers you in her will.