Miscellaneous: Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns...

By IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed - Mauritius

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

And today, on Dr Phil…

Vicious and unprovoked

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

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The best method!

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

ACAB

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

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By Damnsoup - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

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By nononame - United States

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

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By anouk05 - Switzerland

Too much Pornhub

Today, my boyfriend told me, "Don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

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By faeliality

Today, after finally getting my drivers license, I was able to drive myself to school for the first time! I got fined $50 for accidentally parking in the wrong lot. FML

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By Brandy_Dandy78 - United States

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

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By Mc2013 - United States

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

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39863

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By Mandy - United States

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

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By keelah - United States - Montgomery

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

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By awkwardmandy - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

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By maddie - 15/5/2020 05:00

Gross

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

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By Michelle - United States

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

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30587

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Trenton

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

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By tay - Australia

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

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By nana. - Canada

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

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By WTFruits - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my math teacher raged at a student for eating an apple in class. As he yelled at the student, he slapped the apple out of his hand and right into my face. Everyone laughed, including the teacher. FML

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55380

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By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

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By "lildale92"

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

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23360

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

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By Anonymous - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Alpine

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

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By Dunzo15 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

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201897

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By AKN - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

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24416

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By What the fuck, son? - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

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By Yudansha - Canada

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

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By UghNo - United States - Clarkston

Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML

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By BaMiTsAnYa - United States - Orlando

Today, as I was getting my nails done at a salon, the owner pulled my head back against the chair in front of all the customers and began to tweeze my eyebrows. When I exclaimed that I didn't pay for that service, she replied, "I don't care. This needs done." FML

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By wellokaythen - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

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By bestgirlfriend - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at a waterpark with my friends, waiting in line for about 45 minutes to go on the biggest ride there. When it was finally our turn, the lifeguard at the top pulled me over and measured me to see if I was tall enough. I wasn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2020 08:00

It never rains…

Today, I was at work when I got a call to say my grandad died. When I was walking out to my car, I realised someone had stolen all my hubcaps. FML

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By NeoDepressed - Czech Republic

Today my parents screamed at me for cutting my wrists. They asked me if i want a therapist. I said idk. Then my mom said "But wait its going to cost a lot of money".. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML

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47214

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By Erika

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend on campus. Upset, I decided to go to McDonald's to eat my painful memories away. While in the drive-thru line, I realized my ex was right in front of me. It looked like I'd followed him all the way from campus. He thinks I'm a stalker now. FML

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By daughter - Sweden - V?rg?rda

Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML

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Top comments

By upyourzlolz | 11

#3761070 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:03

Looks like your family just got done...

Doggy style.

By ingernh | 4

#3761055 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:01

Are you a bitch?

COMMENTS

By ingernh | 4

#3761055 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:01

Are you a bitch?

JustinComments | 3

#3761107 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:07

Well it's not insulting if it's those cute little puppies.

DanFML91 | 0

#3761115 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:08

So when they call your names, which bitches come/answer? Lol

DanFML91 | 0

#3761141 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:11

9 - i bet they are bulldogs... And so are the neighbours new dogs...

chlorinegreen | 27

#3761188 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:22

Well that's not creepy or anything. Nice name OP.

BlanketHogger | 0

#3761287 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:44

Yea, And OP I love your name.

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3761362 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:58

Is your mother named Fluffy? Is your name Fido? Was your sister blessed with the name Princess Beyonce?

uniongirl02 | 0

#3761785 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 18:55

You gotta love OP's name

LolFMLnot | 10

#3762302 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 21:39

Did the cutest dog got named after you?

gress269 | 4

#3763149 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 0:22

I hate you, OP.

takpaan | 6

#3777090 - Friday 23 December 2011 17:49

Don't tell me u still have that fone or use it lol

Aquawave7 | 7

#4930631 - Friday 14 September 2012 5:23

IHopeYourDogGetsDiahhreaAndPoopsOnYourBed hahhhah nice name OP.

By upyourzlolz | 11

#3761070 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:03

Looks like your family just got done...

Doggy style.

2wenty0ne21 | 0

#3761285 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:44

Sir, please, for the sake of humanity. Give up all ur aspirations and be a comedian.

J3R3MYY | 14

#3761344 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:55

Who let the dogs out?! Who, who who who??!!?!!?

Zomg_Okay | 26

#3761489 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:30

*Raises hand*

Danny0522 | 8

#3761544 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:48

*rock music in background while 2 puts on sunglasses*

upyourzlolz | 11

#3761564 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:54

I don't use sunglasses. They always seem to argue with my outfits.

Chaos187 | 6

#3763569 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 1:42

*puts on shades*
YEAAHHHHHH

TheDog6 | 24

#3764540 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 6:42

*Takes off shades*
NOOOOOO....

By SCREAM4meeee | 0

#3761076 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:03

Should be proud. It's an honor!

marzipanimal | 15

#3761215 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:28

Thats awkward..

forkscop | 0

#3761641 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 18:32

Nice name OP, lol

By wooley29 | 8

#3761084 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:04

It would be best to just ignore it. It shows more about them than you. It is their FML.

foob | 0

#3761309 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:48

ugly teeth

chickenwalrus | 14

#3763680 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 2:11

i really love OP's name.

By flockz | 19

#3761095 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:05

sounds like your neighbor is barking up the wrong tree.

By DaMan25 | 4

#3761097 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:05

That's an honor

By 22jrdn55 | 15

#3761099 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:06

get a cat(s) and name it after them!

me_gusta_eso | 1

#3761634 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 18:26

That is a terrible idea.

22jrdn55 | 15

#3762172 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 20:45

he'll get all the pussies!

why do i even try!

bubbles42597 | 0

#3837542 - Friday 6 January 2012 4:32

No OP should get a dog and name it idiot then tell the neighbor that they named it after him

By Feklfekl2222 | 32

#3761105 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:07

Your name is very detailed.

dethbunny | 0

#3763021 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 0:03

I FUCKIN' LOVE YOUR PROFILE PICTURE!

Dominato | 0

#3763911 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 3:27

The only reason i like this comment because of the badass profile pic

By narya1 | 0

#3761111 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:08

Classy.

By ActionManly | 11

#3761112 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:08

OP's name is pure gold