Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns...

By IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed - 20/12/2011 11:49 - Mauritius

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Doomed

Boom, headshot

By shredded - 12/2/2011 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

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By Elizabeth Ann - 19/11/2018 12:00

Today, I no longer need an alarm clock. My cat has learned to jump on my boobs at precisely 7:30 every morning. If I don't get up immediately, she just keeps jumping on my boobs. I'm an E cup. FML

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By goestoschoolonsnowdays - 12/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

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By fuck your music - 16/7/2019 07:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I finally got tired of my neighbors constantly blaring their obnoxious rap music all hours of the day and night. Trying to be funny, I put Baby Shark on a loop and turned my speakers all the way up. They called the cops on me. FML

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By Colby - 15/11/2013 16:59 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

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By ineedalife - 2/2/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

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By pedestrian - 26/1/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2017 08:00 - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

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By mountains - 19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

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By killme - 29/2/2016 07:00 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML

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By Greg - 11/2/2013 04:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML

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By Me - 27/9/2015 09:53 - Australia

Today, I tried taking a shortcut through a nature trail, hoping to save myself some time getting back to my car. I ended up getting lost for nearly 3 hours and getting to work nearly 2 hours late. FML

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By Maggie - 17/3/2020 17:00

Nice mental image

Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML

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By MonsterProblems - 7/1/2015 07:07 - Croatia

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2015 04:02 - United States - Portland

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

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By Username - 29/11/2010 14:22

Today, a woman laughed after hearing my voice for the first time. This happens whenever I meet someone new, without fail. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

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By Noname - 8/2/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

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By anonymous - 7/6/2012 11:00 - United States

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

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By BadLuckBetty - 9/8/2016 11:33 - United States - Millville

Today, after weeks of flirting with the hot guy at the gym, he finally asked me to meet up with him outside. I was diagnosed with strep throat just hours before our date. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 19:52 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

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By albert - 13/5/2009 12:36 - United Kingdom

Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML

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By not the scalpel - 15/9/2012 07:36 - United States - Paso Robles

Weird

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

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By LeaveMeAlone - 6/4/2017 04:00

Creepy creep alert. Run!

Today, my manager "bumped" into me 3 or 4 separate times. I told him months ago I didn't want to date him. He even asked me once if I was ever afraid of being kidnapped. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

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By FoxyManicLiar - 27/9/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

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By Chad - 6/9/2020 13:59 - United States - Norfolk

Medicare for all

Today, I had to have emergency work done on my teeth after I seized in the shower and smashed my face into the tub. Apparently, the dental insurance I'd been paying for but had never used ended its coverage 4 days ago, because my job was no longer working with them. FML

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By Mark Allan - 25/3/2012 16:06 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I realized that the only things I gained from my Masters programs are more debt and the knowledge that you can use a semicolon in a list. FML

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By ELK - 18/7/2018 15:00

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

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By pervert - 9/1/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

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By ipayyourbillsgorramit - 24/8/2012 23:29 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML

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By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2015 14:21 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

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By justplaindumb - 4/8/2016 00:48 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

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By Dumped - 18/2/2010 08:58 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

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By Jeff make - 1/4/2012 14:03 - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

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By Murphs_Law - 16/11/2016 06:37 - United States

Today, my crazy downstairs neighbor was yet again fighting with her boyfriend by slamming every door. When this didn't work, she went downstairs to fight with his grill. She wheeled it to the end of the driveway and pushed it over. FML

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Top comments

By upyourzlolz | 11

#3761070 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:03

Looks like your family just got done...

Doggy style.

By ingernh | 4

#3761055 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:01

Are you a bitch?

COMMENTS

By ingernh | 4

#3761055 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:01

Are you a bitch?

JustinComments | 3

#3761107 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:07

Well it's not insulting if it's those cute little puppies.

DanFML91 | 0

#3761115 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:08

So when they call your names, which bitches come/answer? Lol

DanFML91 | 0

#3761141 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:11

9 - i bet they are bulldogs... And so are the neighbours new dogs...

chlorinegreen | 27

#3761188 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:22

Well that's not creepy or anything. Nice name OP.

BlanketHogger | 0

#3761287 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:44

Yea, And OP I love your name.

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3761362 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:58

Is your mother named Fluffy? Is your name Fido? Was your sister blessed with the name Princess Beyonce?

uniongirl02 | 0

#3761785 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 18:55

You gotta love OP's name

LolFMLnot | 10

#3762302 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 21:39

Did the cutest dog got named after you?

gress269 | 4

#3763149 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 0:22

I hate you, OP.

takpaan | 6

#3777090 - Friday 23 December 2011 17:49

Don't tell me u still have that fone or use it lol

Aquawave7 | 7

#4930631 - Friday 14 September 2012 5:23

IHopeYourDogGetsDiahhreaAndPoopsOnYourBed hahhhah nice name OP.

By upyourzlolz | 11

#3761070 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:03

Looks like your family just got done...

Doggy style.

2wenty0ne21 | 0

#3761285 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:44

Sir, please, for the sake of humanity. Give up all ur aspirations and be a comedian.

J3R3MYY | 14

#3761344 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:55

Who let the dogs out?! Who, who who who??!!?!!?

Zomg_Okay | 26

#3761489 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:30

*Raises hand*

Danny0522 | 8

#3761544 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:48

*rock music in background while 2 puts on sunglasses*

upyourzlolz | 11

#3761564 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:54

I don't use sunglasses. They always seem to argue with my outfits.

Chaos187 | 6

#3763569 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 1:42

*puts on shades*
YEAAHHHHHH

TheDog6 | 24

#3764540 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 6:42

*Takes off shades*
NOOOOOO....

By SCREAM4meeee | 0

#3761076 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:03

Should be proud. It's an honor!

marzipanimal | 15

#3761215 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:28

Thats awkward..

forkscop | 0

#3761641 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 18:32

Nice name OP, lol

By wooley29 | 8

#3761084 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:04

It would be best to just ignore it. It shows more about them than you. It is their FML.

foob | 0

#3761309 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:48

ugly teeth

chickenwalrus | 14

#3763680 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 2:11

i really love OP's name.

By flockz | 19

#3761095 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:05

sounds like your neighbor is barking up the wrong tree.

By DaMan25 | 4

#3761097 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:05

That's an honor

By 22jrdn55 | 15

#3761099 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:06

get a cat(s) and name it after them!

me_gusta_eso | 1

#3761634 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 18:26

That is a terrible idea.

22jrdn55 | 15

#3762172 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 20:45

he'll get all the pussies!

why do i even try!

bubbles42597 | 0

#3837542 - Friday 6 January 2012 4:32

No OP should get a dog and name it idiot then tell the neighbor that they named it after him

By Feklfekl2222 | 32

#3761105 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:07

Your name is very detailed.

dethbunny | 0

#3763021 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 0:03

I FUCKIN' LOVE YOUR PROFILE PICTURE!

Dominato | 0

#3763911 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 3:27

The only reason i like this comment because of the badass profile pic

By narya1 | 0

#3761111 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:08

Classy.

By ActionManly | 11

#3761112 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:08

OP's name is pure gold