Miscellaneous: Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm... - FML

By wow - United States

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63959

You deserved it

5141

Tweet

Share

Messed up

Projection

Is that a pass then?

By bigdikbubls - 1/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Naps are important

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

314

You deserved it

588

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, the lease on my house ended and I finished moving in with my girlfriend. After everything was moved in, she broke up with me. Hello homelessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43574

You deserved it

4136

Tweet

Share

By WTFiswrongwithme

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1114

You deserved it

849

Tweet

Share

By bathroomseww - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81976

You deserved it

12373

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33087

You deserved it

3419

Tweet

Share

By lonelyboy101 - United States

Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63781

You deserved it

8585

Tweet

Share

By blegh - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47978

You deserved it

8837

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my 2 weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5468

You deserved it

259

Tweet

Share

By Anon

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6991

You deserved it

442

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45293

You deserved it

4342

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/6/2021 17:59

Drunk

Today, I awoke in my bathtub, water all over the floor, all the way into my living room. I drank too much so I don't remember getting into the bath, I have no clue how long I was in there, and I got a message from the manager of my apartment complex telling me the water had leaked into the apartment below. FML

I agree, your life sucks

185

You deserved it

1293

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Brazil - Campinas

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55674

You deserved it

4648

Tweet

Share

By interphaseprophasemetaphase - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37448

You deserved it

11875

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 21:01 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Dick appointment

Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1402

You deserved it

242

Tweet

Share

By ripped off and blown out

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4633

You deserved it

473

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35082

You deserved it

12362

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking up sexy clothes for me to wear while role-playing. I saw something I liked and asked him if we should get it. When he saw the model wearing it in the picture, he asked "Does it come with the girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3280

You deserved it

714

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Rockaway Park

Wedding of the year

Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

370

You deserved it

988

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49101

You deserved it

5870

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Maple

Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19291

You deserved it

1340

Tweet

Share

By NextAmericanIdol? - United States - Bowie

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50649

You deserved it

5568

Tweet

Share

By UghDude - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42150

You deserved it

3261

Tweet

Share

By not mine!

It wasn't me

Today, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to break up with my boyfriend and kick him out after his second relapse. A few hours later, I had police banging down my door. To get back at me, my now ex had called the cops and anonymously reported all the drugs he’d hidden around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2198

You deserved it

187

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16070

You deserved it

42016

Tweet

Share

By Imnotfromhere - 13/2/2021 05:01

Great mom you got there

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1687

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By herANDi - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I'm already a clumsy person but became extra clumsy because I was nervous. After knocking over my drink for the fourth time, my boyfriend's mom angrily shouted "Did you actually come drunk for the first time meeting us?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

71224

You deserved it

9450

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34029

You deserved it

4668

Tweet

Share

By Casper - United States

Today, a flight attendant asked me if I was airsick because I looked really pale. I told her that was my normal complexion but thanked her for her concern. She insisted "No, that can't be normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42082

You deserved it

2868

Tweet

Share

By highfive - United States - Dedham

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43288

You deserved it

7092

Tweet

Share

By meep

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4754

You deserved it

412

Tweet

Share

By jake - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24689

You deserved it

40589

Tweet

Share

By Vkaz - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37062

You deserved it

3122

Tweet

Share

By Annie - United States

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15911

You deserved it

36716

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13315

You deserved it

41356

Tweet

Share

By yelyah - United States - Tolono

Today, I flew to Florida with my grandma. She tried to go through airport security with a pocket knife in her backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25572

You deserved it

2166

Tweet

Share

By tinaburrito - France

Today, I found out my bank account was in the negative because my work gave me a check that didn't clear. I went to my bank to get a statement of charges so my job could reimburse me. They told me requesting a statement costs 8 dollars, which I don't have because my account is in the negative. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30142

You deserved it

2632

Tweet

Share

By dentistrygirl - United States

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41152

You deserved it

11638

Tweet

Share

By Arcanin3Boss - United States - Portland

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27293

You deserved it

5994

Tweet

Share

By Wisconsin love - United States

Let me Slytherin

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45872

You deserved it

10933

Tweet

Share

By ChopSuey - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14811

You deserved it

1588

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Fml37 | 0

#388618 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:41

wait till your brother falls asleep and put superglue on his hand, and make him touch his face.

By cactus_fml | 0

#388677 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:51

Wow. You should sneak into his room while he's asleep and pluck his one chest hair.

COMMENTS

By Eaglestrike117 | 29

#388610 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:40

wow tht sucks

Reply

TROLL_fml | 0

#388770 - Sunday 12 July 2009 2:18

SECOND! I'M THE BEST! :D

Reply

Zombierella | 2

#388953 - Sunday 12 July 2009 3:32

uh, 32, not second you dumbass

Reply

TROLL_fml | 0

#389000 - Sunday 12 July 2009 3:49

YES I'M SECOND
AND I'M THE BEST! :D

Reply

GleeIsTransient | 0

#389221 - Sunday 12 July 2009 5:42

ur an idiot

Reply

AnaMaree | 0

#389223 - Sunday 12 July 2009 5:43

Actually, he's a troll.

Reply

no1askdu | 5

#389471 - Sunday 12 July 2009 7:45

yes im 90th...right on

Reply

UrRightFML | 0

#389773 - Sunday 12 July 2009 11:50

No his TROLLLLLLINGGGGG!

Reply

livelifetotheful_fml | 0

#1011506 - Saturday 29 May 2010 17:48

oh wow

Reply

Tayman24 | 0

#2551146 - Monday 23 May 2011 5:27

holy shit the exact thing happened to this girl I know......she came to school one day with one eyebrow.....she let it grow back though

Reply

no65438 | 0

#2703827 - Friday 17 June 2011 21:06

just shave it off and pencil them in :)

Reply

TheCarChanel | 0

#3552598 - Monday 7 November 2011 3:09

Is it left or right?

By xKuraixMitsukaix | 0

#388612 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:40

Man, that sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. FYL.

Reply

joeyisinsane | 0

#1053639 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:55

did anyone else shave their pubes after they read this?

By mcdawnalds | 0

#388613 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:40

I don't get it.

Reply

AndelleRae | 9

#388629 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:42

Her brother shaved off one of her eyebrows.

OP: If you're goth, you can always do the whole pencil thin eyeliner eyebrows. (Not being stereotypical or anything, so any naysayers and internet white knights can shove it. :D)

Reply

kewlcat | 0

#388721 - Sunday 12 July 2009 2:05

or get bangs that cover the missing eyebrow. it works!

Reply

KO2 | 0

#389063 - Sunday 12 July 2009 4:25

Yeah I didn't get it either til it was just explained. Shave 'em both off and pencil em in! Apparently Rogain and all that stuff really helps eyebrows grow in quickly and nicely.

Reply

Crimsy | 0

#394470 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 4:02

I agree with the people who said go with none and draw them on. My best friend purposely keeps her eyebrows shaved off and draws them on every day. She's really pretty, too! :)

Reply

hairt | 4

#1404607 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 17:24

HAHAHAHA 6 ur face cracked me up sorry

Reply

Rapt0rJesus | 0

#3722480 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 0:56

You aren't very bright, are you?

By Fml37 | 0

#388618 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:41

wait till your brother falls asleep and put superglue on his hand, and make him touch his face.

Reply

stereopump | 0

#392892 - Monday 13 July 2009 17:34

owowoowowoowwww!
way too painful

Reply

HamsteronA | 0

#849725 - Friday 12 February 2010 23:36

do his penis

Reply

pwnman | 33

#4672887 - Tuesday 10 July 2012 18:32

Which would make him look like he did a facepam

By mcdawnalds | 0

#388621 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:41

OOOOHHH. rolf.

By sajeta | 0

#388630 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:42

huh?

By lizziemcguireee | 0

#388635 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:44

You could shave the other one off and attempt to pencil them in as #6 said. Lol. FYL.

By klutzywriter | 0

#388636 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:44

hmm i'd probably choose none
sorry bout that, do something to HIM when he's sleeping

Reply

Insert_Wit_Here | 0

#388678 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:51

What did H.I.M. do to deserve her punishment?

Reply

AndelleRae | 9

#388846 - Sunday 12 July 2009 2:41

... You're joking, right?

Reply

Insert_Wit_Here | 0

#389054 - Sunday 12 July 2009 4:19

Me? Yes.

Reply

plethora | 3

#389123 - Sunday 12 July 2009 4:53

Hehe, win.

By laReve | 0

#388661 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:48

yeah, shave off the other one and do the pencil thing...at least your brother cant shave it off then!

By mehwhateverr | 0

#388669 - Sunday 12 July 2009 1:49

HAHAHAHA.
this is hilarious and written very well.

i'd shave the other one off and try to pencil them in. man, your brother sucks. i suggest locking your door at night, or putting something in front of the door so your brother cannot get in. also, i hope your parents gave him a well-deserved grounding!