Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips...

By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - 5/1/2014 20:39 - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

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Miscellaneous

Work name

Compassion

Whatthefuckaburger

By Iron11 - 14/6/2016 20:52

Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML

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By mischalucksux - 19/9/2016 13:54 - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

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By - 26/4/2019 18:00

Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 00:01 - United States

Criminal Minds

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

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By Owww - 10/7/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist at 8:30 for a check up. I walked out at 2:00 with a root canal and several thousand dollars in debt. I guess I'm not having a wedding this year or quitting the job I hate. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 08:29 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

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By disney_dick - 8/1/2018 00:00 - United States - Mims

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

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By child of a crazed women - 7/4/2013 09:19 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2019 04:00

Today, I saw a teenager knock over a woman, so I rushed over to help her up. Turns out, she had a knife and thanked me by stealing my wallet and phone. FML

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By porn daddy - 21/6/2017 00:00

Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML

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By iwantaraise - 14/10/2015 01:55 - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

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By jessiluvxx - 25/9/2016 21:08 - United States - Kearny

Today, I was called to be told I'm fired for not showing up for my shift. I guess she didn't check her voice message to see that I gave birth last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2020 08:00

Keep your distance

Today, my roommate told me she had developed a rash on her armpits, which causes them to be itchy. The doctor told her the only way to heal it is to not wear deodorant for a month. FML

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By suckstobefat - 22/1/2012 06:10 - Canada

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

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By tiffylueg - 21/6/2016 13:38

Today, my allergies are killing me. I took a Benadryl to help, but the allergies are still here. I'm now chugging Mountain Dew at 9:30 in the morning to keep from falling asleep at my desk. Thanks for nothing Benadryl. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

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By AgentFreshers - 7/7/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

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By Dannylover - 17/2/2009 20:53 - Netherlands

Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not." FML

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By good big sister? - 2/7/2013 17:39 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2010 14:59 - Australia

Today, I got my posting orders for the Air Force. After spending four years training and studying to become an aerospace engineer, I am getting sent to the only base without aircraft. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2011 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

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By GoldenShower - 25/6/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

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By insomniacap - 30/12/2015 23:47 - United States - Stratford

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 22:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

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By doggylove - 13/11/2015 03:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

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By pissed - 10/5/2015 14:34 - United States - Dearborn

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2019 16:16 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, my coworker and I were discussing our office's lack of break room, and how we should suggest a picnic table for our upcoming landscaping. We concluded that someone would let their dog steal our lunches if we ate outside. Working at the vet's sucks. FML

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By dating a fucking psycho - 14/2/2013 20:06 - United States - Hickory

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

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By Username - 2/8/2011 06:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

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By MaHalKiTa - 23/7/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend poops with "This is war" playing on his phone, and makes war sounds corresponding with his poop dropping. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2014 15:27 - United States - Iola

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 15:50 - United States

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML

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By Kevin - 10/3/2010 08:39 - Canada

Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys and TV, and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah, they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML

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By deli Shoppe - 27/6/2012 04:39 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2016 03:46 - United States - Nampa

Today, I took my binder on a short road trip two hours away from my home, so that I could study for my upcoming finals. When I got home, I realized I that had left my binder all the way there, containing my notes, classwork, homework, finals notes, etc. FML

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By sadandmad - 20/1/2016 16:09 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

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By SchwesterGrimm - 19/6/2016 21:41

Today, a man sat next to me on a train carriage, despite various empty seats. During a weird conversation, I told him that I'm on my way back from London after seeing a friend from Germany there. He goes on to talk about Nazis and, with one arm in the air, asks me if he's doing the salute right. FML

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By kaleighf - 28/4/2016 01:46 - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

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By bacon lovers worst nightmare - 26/9/2012 06:57 - United States - San Diego

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

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Top comments

By LissaMccracken | 23

#5818161 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:04

I think its too late for that...

By GhostChickens | 17

#5818177 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:07

Why would your first instinct be to rip them off? Melt the wax, wash the wax away, whatever. Don't rip your eyebrows off, ouch! I feel sorry for you, dude, but you made a big mistake.

Comments

By LissaMccracken | 23

#5818161 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:04

I think its too late for that...

By YourBatteryIsLow | 8

#5818166 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:05

I have a feeling that won't help anymore... It says she has very little of her eyebrows left so that implies that she already ripped them off...

By Bano360 | 25

#5818168 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:05

I've had my eyebrows shaved off in my sleep. I was at a 3 week camp where you learn Irish and live with a family. We had big prank wars. Anyway the girls just drew eyebrows for me with whatever they do it with.

MexiMental | 10

#5818327 - Monday 6 January 2014 3:39

Make everyone else's eyebrows completely disappear in their sleep

TheWildRover1 | 12

#5818374 - Monday 6 January 2014 4:31

ahhh the god auld ghaelteacht!

harshallmeim69 | 9

#5818532 - Monday 6 January 2014 7:12

geogwich :D (just read it out loud you understand. I can't type in Irish. )

TheWildRover1 | 12

#5821137 - Wednesday 8 January 2014 19:24

nice try but its dia duit (dee-ah gwitch) and the reply to that is dia is mhuire duit (dee-ah iss murr-ah gwitch)

By golden_warrior | 23

#5818169 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:05

Camera time, just incase they do it again. However, you should be able narrow down who did it because it's your family and you show know each of their characteristic by now.

Helpfulman | 17

#5818551 - Monday 6 January 2014 7:38

What if it was a ghost?

Ukeee_X | 19

#5818842 - Monday 6 January 2014 15:47

Or the quiet one? I have heard it's often them

By GhostChickens | 17

#5818177 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:07

Why would your first instinct be to rip them off? Melt the wax, wash the wax away, whatever. Don't rip your eyebrows off, ouch! I feel sorry for you, dude, but you made a big mistake.

tomwantssnow | 14

#5818250 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:50

Yeah I'm surprised there are still people that don't realize that Google can solve all of your problems

ThatFancyPenn | 18

#5818512 - Monday 6 January 2014 6:46

Or if OP had already ripped it off, they could just draw them back on like most people do nowadays!

By volkener12 | 1

#5818183 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:08

Hop in the shower

WhoWhat_fml | 10

#5819183 - Monday 6 January 2014 23:15

I don't think showering will magically restore OP's eyebrows...

By Missyeru | 14

#5818187 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:10

That sucks, but they'll grow baxk

tomwantssnow | 14

#5818252 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:51

Until then, she will have to live with sharpie eyebrows

truth_teller23 | 11

#5818447 - Monday 6 January 2014 5:24

There's makeup for eyebrows ya know? Sharpie eyebrows are just plain dumb.

StompinOnCrayons | 15

#5818665 - Monday 6 January 2014 10:45

Sometimes the makeup looks like it's been done with sharpies... or crayons.

By SMHsohard | 22

#5818193 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:12

"Stupid excuse of a prank"?

I don't know, sounds pretty good to me, especially since you can't figure out who did it. Your family must be amazing poker players.

Chris93Jones | 20

#5818348 - Monday 6 January 2014 4:18

I'm doing this to people from now on.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#5818194 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:13

Must've been an ornery younger sibling.

By gracehi | 31

#5818205 - Monday 6 January 2014 1:15

Meyer be thorough in your revenge then. Wax everyone else's eyebrows off just to be sure.