Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML
Deep ink
Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML
Jumping the gun
Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML
Grossed out
Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML
Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML
Nice mental image
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Nice
Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML
Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML
Top comments
nasek718 2
Iguess this is a FMA not FML
soccerguy77 0
negotiation buttseks??:O
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Comments (213)
arieelxx 0
I feel for you op, anything for a new tattoo!
superOdY 0
hey I think That's a win win situation ;)....
MagicMeds 0
Because she's not the man she's the woman duh
samantha987 0
why couldn't you just get it by yourself?
Rawr_Doodle 0
you don't like anal?!?
superOdY 0
hey my comment got deleted haha... o well I wouldn't say this is a fml Id say it's a win win situation...;) lol
SeduceRecycle 0
Mehhh. I really just think you should have gone out and, done that.
starile 19
His pleasure was only momentary, you get a new tattoo for life!
BagleHead 6
My butthole is the biggest bargaining chip I have
Skroal_stomper 5
op you have issues if you feel the need to have your husband put it up your poop shoot to get your way. That's what your pussy is for.
nates0210 0
what what? in the butt. I said what what? in the butt.
noscope_ftw 0
lmfaooo ^^ haha
iamchuck 0
Perhaps it's a money issue. Many couples discuss major purchases with both having to agree before the purchase is made.
coolsteve 0
Isn't sodomy illegal in Texas?
rraptor 0
haha ydi for degrading yourself like that. if i were you i wouldve gotten it done with or without is consent.
macgirl21 0
then you'll also be the one with a failed marriage. marriage is about compromise
bigblue95 0
there once were to cowboys who alone on a trail. then they both discovered that they cld have sex with another male now there havin butt sex, cowboy butt sex. sadamehe(3x) sadamehe
NoName86 0
Clearly most commenters here aren't married! Couples discuss expenses! I'm sure this post is just the OP being facetious. Sex ain't all that satisfying if all involved aren't into it. it's not "degrading" or "abuse" if you are making each other happy. I'm sure if she didn't like anal she coulda said no and still got the tat.
rraptor 0
who says they're going to be together forever though? her ttattoo will probably last longer than their marriage..
relyo 0
Remember: anal is temporary, ink is forever.
5t3ff1k4h 44
@49- I can't believe you just asked that... as if why they don't like anal is any of your business! @OP- It's your body. If you want a (reasonable) tattoo, go for it! Your husband shouldn't be so controlling over getting a tattoo, unless it's something that will mess with your natural beauty (IE: a facial tattoo... Mike Tyson style).
rraptor 0
58 knows what's up.
xaxtonx319 0
beautiful pug! :) I have 2
Mumbellosity711 0
"excuse me mr Tatto artist, I would like a ratio that says "INSERT HERE" right along my rectum...
bigredmonkeybutt 28
ahahah that's a win for your husband huh? wait til you ask for a piercing....
mak3_1t_ra1n 0
anal pursuasion is very powerful.
Jafozza 0
YDI for not using your vajayjay instead.
Dragons_corner 6
they are husband and wife people not bf and gf or friends they are married. mybpoint how do you now her husband don't like tattoos? I don't and if my gf ask or wife ask I would say no only becuase I find them unattractive. if she really wants one then yes a negotiate. size and location.
iSitt 0
did you first take a survey of prices for tattoos then compare to prices for anal ?
rraptor 0
well 100, I'd say you're a controlling jerk then.
Asstazztic 8
Girls u know surprise butt sex is the best ;) lol
Miss_Represented 0
You had to use your ass because you're obviously lacking a back bone. I'm married and I don't have to "negotiate" for something like that, because it's my body. just because you're attached doesn't mean you're not still your own person. YDI. Don't get torn ;D
averinoelle 0
****.
wrm84 0
u do
alaskan420 0
10, Selena Gomez?
bigredmonkeybutt 28
#100 -- What #105 said. It's her body. Would you ask for permission? It's your body why should you have to? Pity your gf/wife.
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
Eh, it depends on the marriage. Mr. Doe and I consider our bodies to be shared as a sort of communal property. There are obviously limits to that, but tattoos and sexual acts are things to compromise about— always with respect and full consent, however.
EricErection69 0
110 it is;D
MarkSeattle 0
ydi for treating your body like it's your husband's property. enjoy the anal, lol.
jameses19 0
44 win for the family guy reference
imcomplicated 0
hahahah(: that's so very true!
kyarush 10
LOL!
ComMed1 0
105 you are probably 16 and don't know shit about a marriage. finances are one of the number one reasons for divorce bc spouses aren't responsible about them. if my wife wants another tattoo it is fine as long as we can afford it. but we take turns when it comes to tattoos, she just got one four months ago and it's my turn for the next one. a marriage is like a football team, in order to succeed you need plans/plays. if you don't plan properly then you get ****** and no one comes out a winner.
supernice 0
I would agree with Ms. Doe. when you get married it is not all about you, you now share your life with someone else.
pooponyuou 0
well u're the idiot for marrying a perv
smokeysmiles 0
wow 117 your a bitch you must be a **** if you don't know that trick with your husband or significant other...
DatOne 0
Up the ass rocks!
birdmansangel 0
am i the only one picturing her bent over making her butt talk?
Laurenlesley 0
lol no. I did too. haha! glad were on the same page!
violetsweety 26
27 beat me to my comment
taz94 0
12 ur hat is on wrong it's crooked
finndizzle 0
lol in the butt ftw!
polopony 0
Like Jim Carey in Pet Detective, right? That would be worth a tattoo
onyx735 0
maybe the husbands paying for it and he just wants a little sexual relief from his trusted loving wife as a trade that's all... in the butt at least he isn't cheating on you OP
pwincessa23 1
Ewwww it hurts like hell in ur Butt. y would u do something so painful & disgusting. when it's so natural & pleasureable in ur vagin.
ZleveL 0
^ i heard a vibrator in the pussy makes anal feel better
VoidDreams 0
#119 that's what I was thinking! xD lol
looserdevars 1
in Canada aswell.
yesYDI 0
Bahaha!!! Take it up the ass!!
hobogirl 0
spoken like a true ****
Phaa 0
20 LOL...
Evee359 0
???
sexybitch92 0
159 &*166: I thought the same thing Haha.
fuzzywazzy012 0
Fail
delicious_nom_no 0
indeed
TNB_xACiDiC 0
iLOL my homie always sings that song hahahahha
TaylorTotsYumm 10
I suggest a tattoo reading NEVER AGAIN right above your anus. (:
tendailarkin 0
dude me too hahaha @ least someone spoke up
Jetsu 0
27 lmao!
fuckyourcouch89 0
117 nice;)
spiderbesideher 0
hey, bury this comment, and you know where, ****
maskedbunny 0
you can't get a tattoo without your husband's permission? really?
superOdY 0
174 this for the tip I will fix it soon :)
Taybabe2525 0
why can't u just go get it dine by urself? can't be that hard
zazrael 0
women can have orgasms through anal as well...shows what you know huh?
Sunfloria 0
I agree with #9... Why do you need to convince your husband of something you're going to do to your own body?
jessicathatsme 0
i agree
jellyfish_735 0
haha wow u really wanted that tattoo huh :p
cockymofo 10
u should be giving up ur butt anyway.
5t3ff1k4h 44
59- How about some equality? Time to give up your butt, too. Come along now, (haha) it won't hurt too much.
sourgirl101 28
What do you need to do for a piercing?
Crunch_Captain 1
if OP would do that it must be some Badass tattoo Lols xD
ThatGenericGuy 6
Tramp stamp?
cevanoff 0
what a wonderful wife u are! way to take 1 for the team!
jnjones04 0
pretty funny. hope the tat is worth it
soccerguy77 0
negotiation buttseks??:O
SeduceRecycle 0
OP.. don't let him control you!! that's not good. I think it's a type of abuse as he controls you.
imright24 0
It's something couples do and it's called negotiation. If it was control she wouldn't be getting her tattoo.
RaspyMatches 0
someone grew up under a rock.
SeduceRecycle 0
Hahahaha. I read it wrong & no I didn't grow up under a rock. my sister has a very, very controlling boyfriend. That's all.
rawrtastyc 0
No, she has a valid point. If you have to ask to do something to your body, ( or negotiate ) which he doesn't own that's a little controlling.
fmlisforlols 0
Not in this regard. Hell, any regard it isn't. Body modification or tattoos is rarely cheap, if done properly and is big enough to be a bother. If a couple shares money, there needs to be a discussion. Probably the same couple who turns down the jetskis the husband wants in favor of remodeling a room, or something. Happily married couples do that kind of stuff.
InfiltratedMind 0
84 is the best that I've seen at explaining what marriage is. I'm not married Im still in high school so I just asked my mom real quick and she said that if she or my dad wanted another tattoo they would compromise based on what it was and size. so I guess marriage is about compromise
polopony 0
123- good to know your mom didn't say "Well, dad would **** me in the ass, then I'd get the tattoo"
Jizwold 0
most people on this website really piss me off cause they are all either hippy emo kids or just ******* stupid but the two above me that arnt retarded about how relationships work give me that little glimer of hope for humanity (sorry I couldn't remember ur names/number stupid app)
rfngxhhshi 0
180 lmfao
Dragons_corner 6
all right a bunch of people that understand or will ask and that other person that agrees with me on #1 post. I feel happier in this section of comments.
xxniteskie 1
lmao @ 180
Rizzie0512 18
he's not controlling her. he has a right to have an opinion. and if she wants to offer him anal so he'll ease up on the tat, that's her choice lol. if u look at it my way, shes controlling him.... all bow to the magnificence that is booty! I understand where shes coming from. I would do the same. I might... I have a couple piercings I want. lol
patrickpe69na 0
ha why sister u just get it, now u took it in the pooper
TIMTHOMAS30 0
Hahahahahaa^^
ummiforget 0
What?
MissAmz 7
Uhh.. What??
dannyboy66 7
face it u liked it op
QWERTYCommander 5
You couldn't have just got it? YDI.
lyssa_la 0
you need to get permission? wow
rawrtastyc 0
agreed
Dragons_corner 6
their married not single.
jweezy89 4
219, I agree. My wife wouldn't stand for me getting another tattoo without us talking about it. Why should OP get to go out and blow their money on something for herself? Relationships like that account for a fairly large portion of divorces.
lyssa_la 0
still it's her body so it's mostly her choice.
teresedanielle 2
talking about it is one thing, having to negotiate in that way is completely ridiculous.
gallaeo 21
Well, the way I interpreted it was if she was negotiating for the tattoo I'm assuming that meant the husband was paying for it. While I do agree with you that it is her body to do with as she wishes a marriage is all about making decisions together & being one entity (not that either person can't make decisions for them selfs of course). It's one thing for a person in the marriage to make calls on buying necessities or furniture or anything shared in the relationship, it's another thing when your talking about an expensive luxury item, such as personal body art that is solely for her but using the couples funds. Now, with getting a good tattoo, meaning a decent size & going to a respected artist/shop, you could be talking anywhere from $1,000 on up. So, (just assuming he's paying for art she wants on her body) I could see why some "negotiating" might be involved.
gallaeo 21
Even if it wasn't just him paying for it, that's what marriage is all about, making those decisions together.
gallaeo 21
Pancakes & waffles
DenBriZel 31
I agree on the whole talking it out thing, but sometimes it can get downright ridiculous. My fiancé knows how badly I want to get a tattoo (there's actually a few I want, it all just depends on which I want first). Anyways, he brings in most of the income because I'm mostly home with our daughter. And every time I bring up a tattoo he basically tried to skirt around it and won't actually get me one. He always said he would when we had the extra money to spare, but then every time we do he says he doesn't want me to get one because he's worried I'll regret it, even though every one I want (which is only 4 that I want to eventually get) is something that I have put a lot of thought into and means A LOT to me. And every time I show him a design he says he doesnt like it, or it looks stupid and he won't let me get it. (one of the ones I want is a kind of mixture of musical notes and a saxophone to show my love of playing the sax) but he says it's just stupid. ALSO when I talk about where I want it, he says I'm only "allowed" to have it on my upper arm. I don't want my first tattoo there. I want it either on my back, up towards kinda under my neck, or on my forearm. He's just really controlling about every aspect of it. He's 23 and he got his first tattoo on his 18th birthday. I'm 20 now, and he always told me he'd get me a tattoo when I turned 18 (we've been together a LONG time) but he never did, and now he's just making excuses and is trying to force me to do things I don't want to do. (sorry it's so long, it kinda turned into a rant)
rajput 17
it might be her body but it is THEIR money. granted butt sex shouldn't be the negotiation tool.