Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML
Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML
Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
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Top comments
Transfusion 8
Should've told your boss why you were leaving and he would've understood.
Omfgitsmia 15
Why not tell your boss you had to take care of something with your child?
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Comments (73)
Whistlee 8
Rebel genes I suppose
Kade20 4
Maybe there's a lesson for both of you here lol I will not leave work early, I will not leave work early, I will not leave work early 1000 times written on paper by hand on my desk tomorrow! And for the son I will not slide down the corridor covered in astroglide, I will not slide down the corridor covered in astroglide, I will not slide down the corridor covered in astroglide 200 times typed on my desk in the morning. At least yours was funny!
DanielleinDC 33
Then he'll slide down the corridor covered in K-Y instead. Kids are sneaky and will look for loopholes.
JestrRulz 12
that's a LOT of lube. besides, who just leaves work anyhow??
Satoaoi 13
whip his idiot ass
upallnight11 19
Just be glad you didn't got fired.
JanisEvans 10
So you're sneaking our of work, but wonder why your 14 year old acts like a child?
notjanedoe 27
I don't know how to vote. You don't deserve the astroglider-son, but you do sort of deserve the suspension. You should have asked your boss if you could leave for an couple of hour and make the hours up later because your son has gotten into trouble at school. If he had said no you could have called the school and told them to keep your son in detention until the end of the school day. Or maybe a friend or relative could have gotten him for you. But sneaking out of work pretty much guaranteed that you would get into trouble and deservedly so.
buckdharma 37
Whoah God only knows, God makes his plan The informations unavailable to the mortal man You left your job, you snuck away cause while he's gliding down the hallways, your son's education js slip sliding away
Sionnach 10
*is And you were doing so well...
Clintdapict 4
It's a slippery slope ...
Sionnach 10
Did it not occur to you to ask your boss if you could go, as you had a family emergency to deal with?