Future Darwin Award
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML
Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML
Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML
Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, my son tried my great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML
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Top comments
josh7279 7
Wow your son is that desperate?
Mike09220 14
Natural selection.
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Comments (126)
mrsnugglefunny 10
In first comment....please like cuz I like pandas
JoeGrant 12
Although I support your panda preferences, no one does well when asking for first comment likes.
josh7279 7
Wow your son is that desperate?
weepedrovski 11
*you're
weepedrovski 11
Wow, you typed that right the first time. Excuse me while I go kill myself, before a horde of grammer Nazis rain death upon me.
xpokeloverx 6
No, Your. #2 had it right
SirMichael 13
No point responding to him #37, he already killed himself.
Stylux_fml 16
#46 His picture is his ghost.
Ambient25 24
Can we bury him with a dictionary?
Zaros_fml 24
Grammatik macht frei!
MikaykayUnicorn 36
To sort of get this back on topic, if op's son is trying to get drunk on aftershave, OP should take away anything closely related to after shave for a little while.
CallMeWindSock 24
Nein man schwör diga sowas sagt ma nich diga das nich okey man
ragini95 16
you guys on here are way too harsh on each other. nobody knows how to have fun anymore geez.
abnormalbird 11
I guess it is time for 36 to commit the ancient and gruesome Greppuku
davincidasecond 24
Now that's something that I never thought anyone would be so stupid to try. Good luck with that one, you'll need it.
Ambient25 24
It's right on there with drinking mouthwash to get drunk...
RedPillSucks 31
Actually, lots of people drink mouthwash to get drunk. It's cheaper than bear or wine, and has much more alcoholic content.
dingleberrysteve 6
Yeah many people dont drink mouthwash to get drunk. Mouthwash has wood alcohol which your body cant process, it just kills your organs
BobbieH 19
That fact doesn't stop alcoholics from sneaking their fix by drinking mouthwash. It's quite common in the world of addicts.
Cazz91 21
#72 - I don't know where you get your bear from to pay such atrocious prices but I can always refer you to my guy for decently priced, if not cheap bear meat to go with your expensive wine. :P
8born8 18
77 some alcoholics constantly suck on orange wedges. They inject the oranges with alcohol so they have a constant fix throughout the day.
buckdharma 37
One time I saw a bear in my Scope, but it disappeared after a few shots.
ksks1234 33
77 is right. I used to work at a liquor store. I live in Oklahoma, so we legally had to close until 7 on election days and certain holidays. I would have complaints from our alcoholics that they absolutely had to consume mouth wash, aftershave, even rubbing alcohol because we were closed. There are some alcoholics that will do anything to get a drink.
muzy 23
#80 You drink bear blood too!? I thought I was the only one!
seamonkeys 10
93, what holidays do liquor stores close early on? I'm in OK also. I know they close at 9 and.on Sundays, but I didn't know about closing at 7.
caden_bro 9
People have died from trying to get high off condoms. Don't be surprised.
JoeGrant 12
Next you'll find him trying to get high on laundry detergent.
timakinz 21
Lol, such an amusing image.
buckdharma 37
She'd have to Wisk him away to re-Fab.
CobraLazerFace 21
He'll probably try bleach first.
itskaybytheway 10
all I can think about is the stomach pains he must've had after
LOTRspartan 14
If he got stomach pains it is technically his fault.
StompinOnCrayons 15
And OP did warn him with his user xD
walnutisacat 6
Things kids will do to "fit in"... But really, I wish people like him go through health class.
ImTheAlpha 30
They don't cover those kinda things(how drugs work) in health class. My health class experience was basically "condoms are useless and so is birth control and if you have sex outside of marriage you'll never have a meaningful relationship and oh yeah, don't do drugs".
MzZombicidal 36
Actually, 66, my Health class did cover drugs. It ran along the line of "If you do anything drug-related ever, your life will be ruined and you'll go to prison forever. The end."
Mike09220 14
Natural selection.
macystar 14
Probably the best comment I've seen on FML.
lux0rd 18
Definitely a candidate for a Darwin Award.
nightbirdblue 27
But he's not dead yet
\ 28
I just wish we'd stop trying to save stupid people
phoughto 5
The weak will eliminate themselves?
tenderteddy82 4
100th thumbs up!
CobraLazerFace 21
Damn our mediocre healthcare!
xpokeloverx 6
When he cries he is in pain, don't comfort him. He was dumb enough to do that. and doesn't deserve sympathy
Dodge4x4Ram 46
drunk at 14 doesn't matter what it is,, he's far too young
Feklfekl2222 32
14 is about the age you should start drinking at home under parents supervision, no age us when you should trying to get drunk from aftershave
xpokeloverx 6
Um...I don't know any sane parent who lets a 14 year old drink
wakka9876 17
I dont know any sane parent who wouldn't in your home you can monitor them so they're not in pubs in danger
drewflav 17
22 - you must think that most European parents are insane then because light drinking from an early age is a long standing cultural norm in most if not all of Europe. I started earlier than 14, for the record, and I drink less than all of my friends who weren't allowed to touch alcohol before they turned 19. I rarely binge drink, unlike them, because it simply does not interest me. Alcohol is not a novelty item, it's just another beverage to choose from that happens to carry a high price tag. When underage I was generally restricted to beer and wine in typical European fashion and only allowed liquor when I got a little older, however there had to be a special occasion of some sort before I'd be allowed any to begin with! Bad parenting? Absolutely not! In fact, it's even explicitly permitted by law in my province, the province with the strictest liquor laws in all of Canada. Should a 14 year old be getting drunk? Preferably not, but if it were to inadvertently happen because they're lightweights they'll learn the hard way what a hangover feels like and they won't want to repeat their mistake. Just my two cents.
cloudsofneon 5
Maybe you just don't know they do because they don't broadcast it.
randome101 12
Where do you live Germany?
drewflav 17
95 - who is that question directed at? Look at each of our profiles and see for youself.
AntiPrude 26
59 is right, more parents should be giving their teens small amounts of wine beer, not only will the taste put them off, but it takes away the novelty from it, because you're not being restrictive and making it a forbidden fruit. Honesty, is what works with teens. You get conservative and/or religious parents treating their teens like their children, then the have the audacity to act suprised when their kids are out drinking and taking drugs to rebel and having unprotected sex.
seamonkeys 10
105, my 13 yr old son was getting curious about alcohol. I let him try a few drops of Jager and he hasn't made any jokes about sneaking booze since.
AntiPrude 26
115 I'd give him half a shot of it. Wouldnt do anything, tastes horrible, curiosity eliminated.
igneed 10
... what the hell gave him that idea?
xpokeloverx 6
Who knows. Maybe one of his idiotic friends told him that
HelloooooNurse 20
He's 14, so one of his idiot friends.
xpokeloverx 6
Or the internet. -_-
seamonkeys 10
I read about it while researching aftershave. (I was REALLY bored) In some countries it is very common with the homeless and poor because it is much cheaper than alcohol. I think it would taste horrible!