Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML
Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML
Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
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Top comments
Transfusion 8
Should've told your boss why you were leaving and he would've understood.
Omfgitsmia 15
Why not tell your boss you had to take care of something with your child?
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Comments (73)
karlcolt45 19
at least your reason wasn't as embarrassing
Enslaved 36
Cool Runnings Part Deux, in the making!
Tempest151 11
Did he win the race at least?
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
My son and I.
HouseElf 13
Grammar nazi fail! This one's a bit tricky though so I'll let you slide.
Kukua 5
Smiley was correct. You would say "I am on suspension", so therefore you would also say "My son and I are on suspension".
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
#35, Why did I get down voted if I was right? Do people not appreciate grammar nazi's around here?
TiddleyMoney 7
Well... now you can laugh about your suspensions and bond!
hazardmuffin 21
Should have either explained the situation to your boss instead of sneak out, or left the kid to wait until you got off work/the school day ended.
BreannaLeeRenee 18
like everyone else already mentioned, why wouldn't you just tell your boss? I'm sure he would understand your sons a retard. like father like son. or mother. whatever you are.
tmmundy 17
20...Brilliant comment! Where in the FML did it mention OP's son was mentally challenged, or whatever they are, aliens maybe?
outoftown 26
One too slick, the other not so slick. :( You'll have a lot to talk about with your son in your time off.
KareBear7364 5
yay for bonding :)
perdix 29
Wait until your son and his friend learn what Asstroglide is really for!