Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with...

By messyfamily - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31616

You deserved it

2829

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Love

Season finale

Not now, mom!

Modernity

By princessj - United States

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31758

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6122

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By PleaseDontBeSerious - Canada

Today, my daughter brought home her new boyfriend. He has a neck tattoo, and his life's dream is to be a professional "beer pong" player. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30912

You deserved it

3478

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By an unlucky man - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22848

Phew, glad it wasn't me

3074

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By wowohwow - United States

Today, I got all dressed up to go on a date with a guy. Upon getting to my house to pick me up, he told me he'd forgot to put on mascara, and asked if he could borrow some. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41070

You deserved it

6118

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By LesToiliettes - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26743

You deserved it

2131

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By too good - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44864

You deserved it

14441

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2135

You deserved it

317

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By bobo - Canada

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13029

You deserved it

52798

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By notpreggo

Today, I was taking my 3-month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon". I've never had a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4894

You deserved it

675

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By embarrassed

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25687

You deserved it

3411

Favorite

By regretsteachinghighschool - United States - Rochester

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48399

You deserved it

5802

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By Anonymous - United States - Tulsa

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42662

You deserved it

4427

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By Anonymous

Light day

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1501

You deserved it

343

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By Off to Canada - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, my class was given the assignment to have an informal discussion, debating who would be the best fit for president of the US. The school's security guards were called in after the Trump supporters started fights with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20430

You deserved it

2206

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By nicegirl08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me for my birthday. Over dinner he handed me a blank card that had the words "I love you" hastily written on it. When the waiter came to take our order he informed him that we'd be paying separately. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28587

You deserved it

2576

Favorite

By Emily

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram, when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24287

You deserved it

16872

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35364

You deserved it

3339

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52547

You deserved it

6081

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By sting

Winds of change

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4951

You deserved it

699

Favorite

By 1000dollarspoor - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33759

You deserved it

10039

Favorite

By Fonz - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6501

You deserved it

56305

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28111

You deserved it

2544

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20134

You deserved it

6885

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23860

You deserved it

2521

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By blob - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34840

You deserved it

2735

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By Anonymous - United States - Wexford

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38896

You deserved it

8677

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By look how totally not racist I am! - United States - Salida

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45964

You deserved it

3982

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By Anonymous

Today, I watched a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then just put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1764

You deserved it

110

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By sourcandy013 - United States

Today, my 11 year old sister deleted me off Facebook because I'm not "cool enough" to be seen on her profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31568

You deserved it

5565

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By darlingditz - United States

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71348

You deserved it

12490

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21127

You deserved it

38090

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By Cail - United States

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40819

You deserved it

66938

Favorite

By ChevRooon - United States

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15106

You deserved it

38910

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By ZombieGirl - United States - Tampa

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22601

You deserved it

1789

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By CassafrasSss - United States - Naperville

Today, after months of hard work, planning, and preparation, I held the reception for my first art show at a gallery. Nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8703

You deserved it

688

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15759

You deserved it

37401

Favorite

By HistoryFreak - France

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38410

You deserved it

9722

Favorite

By imatotalloser

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3170

You deserved it

322

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I spent nearly half an hour looking for my favourite pair of shoes. I ended up getting so pissed off that I accused my boyfriend of stealing them. He then pointed out that I was wearing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13793

You deserved it

34068

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14450

You deserved it

124588

Favorite

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Top comments

By Xquisite1 | 28

#1427156 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:18

wow, what a screwed up family that you belong to

By bluecat_fml | 0

#1427192 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:22

wow some relationship labyrinth

COMMENTS

By Jessi2487 | 0

#1427143 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:17

wow haha

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1427184 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:21

So what? It's like trading spouses/swimgers!

turtlemansam | 6

#1427195 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:22

"omagosh... NO WAY!"
Can someone please tell me where that is from?

ifyouseekamy666 | 0

#1427210 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:23

ahaha my friend always tells me about his coach who always hits on his (not divorced) mom so he's just a total ass to his coach it's great :P

Jessi2487 | 0

#1427215 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:24

yeaa it good for the enviroment too... recycled husbands will keep the air nice and clean.

ShorTiE4LyFe | 0

#1427379 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:54

"On this episode of Wife Swap..."

passionpitpanda | 5

#1427437 - Sunday 19 September 2010 17:16

aw fuck :(

sonic_boom | 0

#1427467 - Sunday 19 September 2010 17:25

7 u are so Fucking Ugly

DuckOnAStick | 0

#1427501 - Sunday 19 September 2010 17:38

Your one to talk... don't even have a pic and your calling people ugly. Smart one!

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1427572 - Sunday 19 September 2010 17:58

Since when do you need a pic to call someone ugly?

zerobahamut03 | 2

#1427719 - Sunday 19 September 2010 18:58

@#31 yea! people can be ugly in the inside...on a side note i dont see what the problem is op. looks like a win win situation to me.

priscilla_28 | 5

#1428896 - Monday 20 September 2010 3:58

Your nickname said it all...

glambert1998 | 0

#1428954 - Monday 20 September 2010 5:37

who cares whos hot whos ugly dude with the knight photo!

_TONGAN_ | 5

#1429035 - Monday 20 September 2010 6:45

haha Rednecks like to keep it on the family circle rotation haha lol

Sockmonnser | 0

#1429152 - Monday 20 September 2010 7:32

In what situation would you be forced to listen to her conversation? Even so, I don't see why you couldn't try to block her out.

turtlemansam | 6

#1432918 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 3:03

I changed my pic. Happy?

By textingfreak | 0

#1427154 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:18

That sucks fyl!

By Xquisite1 | 28

#1427156 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:18

wow, what a screwed up family that you belong to

By bluecat_fml | 0

#1427192 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:22

wow some relationship labyrinth

By ily1210 | 10

#1427203 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:23

LMFAO.

Bball_boy15 | 3

#1427635 - Sunday 19 September 2010 18:29

do u have something up ur ass

screelov | 0

#1427662 - Sunday 19 September 2010 18:38

8. are you trying to look funny in your pic? cause... ew.

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1428789 - Monday 20 September 2010 2:26

you made my day sad : /

Mclovin_95 | 0

#1431556 - Monday 20 September 2010 19:56

haha dats mest up..lmao but it was funny

By MadameJello | 0

#1427207 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:23

sounds like a Tyler perry movie xD

adddadancer | 0

#1427646 - Sunday 19 September 2010 18:32

haha it really does. everything is so twisted

sprawlguard | 0

#1428973 - Monday 20 September 2010 5:59

Lmfao ftw

By YouSuckAtLove | 0

#1427212 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:24

mwomp mwomp, sucks for you. i would love to see a reality series of this.

By A_Khalifa | 0

#1427232 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:28

Not an fml. Your mom should write an fml for having an immature whiny bitch child.

YouSuckAtLove | 0

#1427244 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:33

touche.

patiencek | 0

#1428250 - Sunday 19 September 2010 21:35

I live near that sign! I almost peed my pants when I drove past!

By lovesteph3523 | 0

#1427282 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:39

haha that's messed up

By bravesfan112233 | 0

#1427296 - Sunday 19 September 2010 16:40

it's half the money but double the fun!