Love: Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with...

By messyfamily - 19/09/2010 07:31 - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 648

You deserved it 2 833

Love

Taking stock

Hiding from the drama

You mug

By JZ - 30/10/2009 13:34 - New Zealand

Today, I submitted my 5000 word assignment. When I got home, my mother asked if I'd checked it through one more time like she always warned me to do. I hadn't. And I therefore hadn't noticed the paragraph on p11 that she'd written, telling me to pay attention to the small details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 851

You deserved it 13 137

A like is a like, dude

By Anonymous - 04/06/2017 12:00

Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 543

By WhatTheBleep - 09/04/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my now-ex slept with his not-so-ex the day before our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 357

You deserved it 3 522

By WhyMe - 09/04/2017 22:00

Today, at work, a customer was staring at me for a long time. Hoping to break the awkwardness, I asked him what brought him to the store today. He complimented me on my friendly demeanor and then followed up with: "Since you're so friendly, how about coming in the bathroom with me and giving me a hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 109

You deserved it 349

By EyeSeeYou - 02/05/2012 18:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 885

You deserved it 6 905

Toxic

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 22:00

Today, I realized my husband of 30 years consistently makes fun of me in front of friends, and he gets mad when I express opinions contrary to his. I don't think he respects me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 136

By Barry Wom - 28/11/2018 12:00

Today, my boss is out of the office and sent me an e-mail asking me to multiply two numbers together and send her the result. Apparently she doesn't know that her smartphone has a calculator app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 168

By rogerusmc23 - 24/05/2011 02:41 - Japan

Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 193

You deserved it 4 588

By FMAhole - 12/02/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 657

You deserved it 4 124

By stink - 04/09/2010 00:11

Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 340

You deserved it 2 743

By Anonymous - 03/01/2010 10:36 - South Africa

Today, my mother forwarded me an email my stepdad had sent her because he was annoyed that I left a light on last night. Talk about communication problems. I wonder how I'm going to tell them I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 012

You deserved it 6 712

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 976

You deserved it 37 040

By deuceaddict - 03/11/2017 21:00

Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 674

You deserved it 278

By socks - 21/09/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 750

You deserved it 3 336

By shh - 09/10/2015 07:06 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 478

You deserved it 2 753

By stranded - 19/05/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 788

You deserved it 15 930

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 05:24 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 763

You deserved it 8 375

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 08:00

Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 074

You deserved it 554

Thanks, dad

By idk.man® - 01/01/2021 22:54

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 96

Never go public

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 20:00

Today, I learned to keep your posts private on social media. Your boss might find your Facebook status updates saying, “I hate this shitty 9-5, I want to be on a beach with a margarita.” I got a call from him saying, “You’re terminated from the shitty 9-5, so you don’t have to anymore. Enjoy the beach!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 2 147

By Jake Whitte - 06/06/2011 13:50 - United States

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 604

You deserved it 15 717

By DanTheMan - 21/10/2014 02:29

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 076

You deserved it 4 127

"Tubular Bells" starts playing…

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 22:01

Today, my husband is terminal and insisted on making his last confession. Long story short, the priest came out pale and sweating and told me, in no uncertain terms, that my husband is definitely going to Hell, but won’t tell me why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 87

By whasian - 21/09/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 840

You deserved it 3 108

By FingerBang - 21/10/2009 06:32 - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 038

You deserved it 34 056

By pyrosythan - 20/07/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's dad chased me with a baseball bat because he found a pair of my boxers in her room. They were not there because I left them there, they were there because she stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 264

You deserved it 3 135

Ghost in the machine

By smdh - 22/10/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 600

You deserved it 1 774

By eeelise5296 - 01/03/2012 20:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 325

You deserved it 3 187

By brannonjames - 10/05/2012 22:20 - United States

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 332

You deserved it 2 328

Invisible Woman

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:01

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 356

By HiRveryone - 05/03/2018 19:08 - United States - Centre

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 898

You deserved it 369

By Boarder - 01/06/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 217

You deserved it 5 436

By hell! - 02/12/2008 08:27 - France

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 045

You deserved it 6 932

Clever girl.

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 195

You deserved it 240

By jilted - 21/03/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431 927

You deserved it 46 523

By TooYoungForThis - 30/06/2013 04:36 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 092

You deserved it 4 972

By Anonymous - 08/10/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonald's, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 807

You deserved it 7 956

By ferret702 - 05/02/2016 12:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 090

You deserved it 1 791

By thatoneguy - 05/09/2011 20:23 - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 376

You deserved it 3 454

By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 17:52 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 932

You deserved it 13 512

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Top comments

Xquisite1 28

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:18

wow, what a screwed up family that you belong to

bluecat_fml 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:22

wow some relationship labyrinth

Jessi2487 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:17

wow haha

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:21

So what? It's like trading spouses/swimgers!

turtlemansam 6

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:22

"omagosh... NO WAY!" Can someone please tell me where that is from?

ifyouseekamy666 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:23

ahaha my friend always tells me about his coach who always hits on his (not divorced) mom so he's just a total ass to his coach it's great :P

Jessi2487 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:24

yeaa it good for the enviroment too... recycled husbands will keep the air nice and clean.

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:54

"On this episode of Wife Swap..."

passionpitpanda 5

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Sunday 19 September 2010 17:16

aw fuck :(

sonic_boom 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 17:25

7 u are so Fucking Ugly

DuckOnAStick 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 17:38

Your one to talk... don't even have a pic and your calling people ugly. Smart one!

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 19 September 2010 17:58

Since when do you need a pic to call someone ugly?

zerobahamut03 2

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Sunday 19 September 2010 18:58

@#31 yea! people can be ugly in the inside...on a side note i dont see what the problem is op. looks like a win win situation to me.

priscilla_28 5

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Monday 20 September 2010 3:58

Your nickname said it all...

glambert1998 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 5:37

who cares whos hot whos ugly dude with the knight photo!

_TONGAN_ 5

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Monday 20 September 2010 6:45

haha Rednecks like to keep it on the family circle rotation haha lol

Sockmonnser 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 7:32

In what situation would you be forced to listen to her conversation? Even so, I don't see why you couldn't try to block her out.

turtlemansam 6

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 3:03

I changed my pic. Happy?

textingfreak 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:18

That sucks fyl!

Xquisite1 28

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:18

wow, what a screwed up family that you belong to

bluecat_fml 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:22

wow some relationship labyrinth

ily1210 10

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:23

LMFAO.

Bball_boy15 3

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Sunday 19 September 2010 18:29

do u have something up ur ass

screelov 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 18:38

8. are you trying to look funny in your pic? cause... ew.

PimpdaddyCJT 13

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Monday 20 September 2010 2:26

you made my day sad : /

Mclovin_95 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 19:56

haha dats mest up..lmao but it was funny

MadameJello 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:23

sounds like a Tyler perry movie xD

adddadancer 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 18:32

haha it really does. everything is so twisted

sprawlguard 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 5:59

Lmfao ftw

YouSuckAtLove 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:24

mwomp mwomp, sucks for you. i would love to see a reality series of this.

A_Khalifa 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:28

Not an fml. Your mom should write an fml for having an immature whiny bitch child.

YouSuckAtLove 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:33

touche.

patiencek 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 21:35

I live near that sign! I almost peed my pants when I drove past!

lovesteph3523 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:39

haha that's messed up

bravesfan112233 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 16:40

it's half the money but double the fun!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 57

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 41

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