Love: Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and... - FML

By anonymous neighbor - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

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Late term

And today, on Dr Phil…

Season finale

By omgstuupidd - United States - Brewster

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML

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By outagrand - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

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By Anonymous

Light day

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

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By scammerssuck - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend received a scam email about her great uncle dying and leaving her money. She not only believed it, but she also used my credit card details for it. FML

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By Faaccckkk - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

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By nakedweddingday - United States - Long Beach

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

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By Journo - United States

Nice try

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Ammerndorf

The cheek!

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

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By horribleevening - Australia - Hornsby

Today, my wife was sitting next to me surrounded by friends and she decided to start looking up the man that she had an affair on Facebook on her phone - all while I am sitting right next to her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Andover

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Maybole

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

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By me - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

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By anyoldnamewilldo - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I wore what I thought was a hideous sweater from the thrift store for an ugly sweater contest. I've gotten more compliments on it than anything else I've ever worn. I can't even succeed at failure. FML

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By noneedtostress - Australia

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML

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By WhyMe

Today, at work, a customer was staring at me for a long time. Hoping to break the awkwardness, I asked him what brought him to the store today. He complimented me on my friendly demeanor and then followed up with: "Since you're so friendly, how about coming in the bathroom with me and giving me a hand?" FML

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By msnewyearseve - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

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By tinygirl

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

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By fml - United States - Billerica

Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny and made a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent,"Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

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By Sara - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML

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By militarywife2b - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

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By not getting any

Weeks?

Today, I’m allergic to all forms of hormonal birth control, and due to the virus outbreak, I can’t get my implant replaced. We’re in quarantine, and my boyfriend and I just used our last condom. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. FML

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By sarahpft - United States

Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw a guy at a bar that looked cute. I didn't dare talk to him, though. When I was on my way home, drunkenly singing the entire way, I finally noticed he was walking along behind me. Probably for about 15 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, despite all my begging for him to at least be civil, my son started his eulogy at his dad's funeral with the words, “Let me tell you a few things about the bastard in the coffin over there.” It only got worse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

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By wookieewhosshe

Today, my parents were helping me move flats. The only box to spring open was the box containing condoms and copious amounts of napkins for clean up. They spilled all over the road as my dad was carrying it. My mum picked them up. FML

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By Anonameow

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

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By StickyPickles - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried the 'Casual Encounter' page on Craigslist. Three hours, a bunch of spam, and a 30-minute call to some company, speaking to some lady I could barely understand to recover the $40 somehow charged to my card. I think I might want to try other ways to meet people. FML

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By Anonymous

Check out Mr. Moneybags over here!

Today, I found out that my wife has been getting rid of every single item of clothing I didn’t compliment her on. This has probably cost me thousands already. FML

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By Radioo - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lutz

Today, a few months after my co-worker had stopped wearing her engagement ring, I decided to put on the moves and start flirting with her. I soon found out that her fiancé had died, and that she's nowhere near over him, despite her brave face. I feel like a total asshole. FML

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By HotToTrotskyite - Russian Federation

Today, I was riding on the Moscow metro. My friend and I were joking around in English about taking a nap on the nerdy business man next to me. As we laughed and made comments about him, which we thought he couldn't understand, he asked, "First time in Moscow?" FML

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By Lexi - Canada

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

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By Anonymouse

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

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Top comments

By breenarae25 | 0

#1455960 - Saturday 25 September 2010 8:25

ydi for making- out on a first date

By urallosers | 0

#46053 - Friday 20 March 2009 23:12

that's what you get for being beta, you should never wait until the end of the date to kiss someone beacuse thats when it's expected. if you haven't kissed a girl by the end, you shouldn't try at the end. live and learn.

COMMENTS

By urallosers | 0

#46053 - Friday 20 March 2009 23:12

that's what you get for being beta, you should never wait until the end of the date to kiss someone beacuse thats when it's expected. if you haven't kissed a girl by the end, you shouldn't try at the end. live and learn.

Reply

dabears4life | 0

#2685506 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:22

Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit!

Reply

roobin302 | 0

#3250886 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 7:15

its true..i learned that from experience..

Reply

acassella | 3

#5146657 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 3:17

But if it's a first date you might not want to make a move too fast

By DoubleJG | 0

#119861 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:53

Reminds me of one of my own stories.. This is truly a "FML" type moment.

By 24788 | 6

#155917 - Thursday 30 April 2009 7:05

That's not fun. Shouldn't just lean in to make out though.

Reply

bassfisher100 | 23

#6166931 - Thursday 8 January 2015 19:50

that's exactly what I was thinking

By Laxguitar37 | 0

#282503 - Monday 8 June 2009 12:42

Dude rookie mistake man. GET THAT PUSSY SON!!!!!!

By amatayo | 0

#296851 - Friday 12 June 2009 10:35

Got to respect a female that dose not just lay down any one

Oh and not an fml cuz this did not do any thing except show you your not what you think you are

Reply

LLLP | 0

#2856094 - Saturday 9 July 2011 16:54

Is English your first language?

By saraa615 | 0

#441680 - Thursday 30 July 2009 4:25

Be thankful she doesn't kiss everyone she's had a date with.

By notdeadbutnearly | 0

#966759 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 10:53

Ah shit, that's just crap. Dump the whore and move on.

Reply

zashed | 9

#5639219 - Thursday 22 August 2013 22:33

So she didn't kiss him and that makes her a whore. Logic.

By blademaster23 | 0

#971620 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 4:57

Sounds like she was tryna give you a handjob bro.

By Baron_Random | 0

#975578 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 8:02

You just sound really forward.

By handhugsftw | 0

#1288520 - Monday 23 August 2010 8:03

YDI for having an attractive neighbor.