Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
CaliLoveFire 23
well, how olds your son?
Brad31_fml 21
You don't reckon that calling him an idiot is a bit harsh? He's obviously young and didn't realise what he'd done. Why was he even able to reach it in the first place?
imhope 23
Well at least he didn't swallow vinegar too
VixieRattler 9
I guess the main question is, how old is your son? that would be the main reason why he did it, and why you would call him an idiot. Is he your Biological son as well? or was he adopted? This all factors into the situation.
cwl727 33
How old is he? If he is young than he is really no an idiot he just didn't know any better. If he is a teenager then he is an idiot.
NamelessFace 22
Seems more like a dumb prank than something he'd want done to himself. Double the stupid, I guess.
mrg_not_a_dude 18
you are the idiot. its not worth calling poison control. I eat almost a box a day due to a health deficiency. I'm perfectly fine. just let your pediatrician know
WintersChild 12
You're the idiot for not watching your son.
firemedic841 11
Jury have him drink some vinegar, he'll be fine...
ksphinx 15
I don't care how old your kid is or what they did but you should never call them an idiot. That is just being a bad parent.