Miscellaneous: Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap... - FML

By Swabidizop - 18/05/2015 20:40 - United States - Greeley

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 043

You deserved it 8 048

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Same thing different taste

Alarm

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 583

You deserved it 4 008

By aaalias34 - 26/02/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 986

You deserved it 8 455

By Wowsers. - 30/01/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 801

You deserved it 35 997

By nullpointer - 03/08/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 800

You deserved it 1 974

By nightmare ass - 15/05/2019 06:11

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 411

By Keyser Soze - 17/01/2017 09:56

Today, I was cleaning out the cabinets under my kitchen sink and I farted with such force that my dog thought someone was knocking at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 647

You deserved it 1 021

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 294

By pikachu - 20/01/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 567

You deserved it 4 531

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 670

You deserved it 9 391

By Noname - 02/02/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 810

You deserved it 7 058

Next

Top comments

hafyyyy 17

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:01

i guess he isnt sleeping when youre around anymore.

Cass_x 22

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:06

Aww poor dog. You woke him.

Comments

AndyPurdy 31

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:21

HAHAHA that bites

jk_waks23 19

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:37

This is hilarious! ?

tranced_ 45

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:39

Your dog punishes you for farting? better fart when he's not around!

sunnyskys 25

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:45

Dutch oven. he's going to bake your ass tonight as payment.

theTravinator 21

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:46

You could always use The Dog Whisperer approach- just make weird zappy noises and poke him while simultaneously ripping deadly farts.

abNormal62 23

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:51

Wow! Just wow! Dogs greet and meet other dogs by sniffing their butts to decide whether to be friends, and you got that reaction? Clearly you just got unfriended, my friend by man's former best friend? Lol

gracehi 31

Tuesday 19 May 2015 14:54

You offended the sensibilities of a creature that eats its own shit? Impressive.

fatman1970 25

Tuesday 19 May 2015 15:08

He probably thought you would blame it on him!

chalalala_fml 2

Tuesday 19 May 2015 16:02

I'm just imagining the scene, this is great, well not for you but it's so hilarious

ally8 21

Tuesday 19 May 2015 16:03

Must've been a stinker

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The Top

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 101

You deserved it 36 910

Today, I met up with a guy from Bumble for a first date. An hour in, he asks me, "What's your take on body odor?" He proceeds to tell me about his intimate relationship with his body odor and how his armpits take on the scents of his lovers' lady bits. He added that the "essence" of his ex often returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 71

The Top

Today, in the middle of 69ing, my girlfriend put my dick on her forehead and announced “I’m a unicorn!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 402

Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 362

You deserved it 1 690

Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 159

You deserved it 60 179

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said, "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 735

You deserved it 27 028

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 232

You deserved it 8 293

Today, my friend asked me to tell her the truth why she’s single and friendless except for me. I answered honestly and told her it’s because she’s so negative it drives people away, and it doesn’t help that she’s got bad BO and is morbidly obese. Now she won’t talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 201