Miscellaneous: Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 122

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 614

25/03/2011 23:05

Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 145

You deserved it 60 019

Menace II Society

Eastenders

Fun for all the family

19/11/2011 04:54

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 165

You deserved it 8 991

15/12/2011 07:00

Spicy

Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 380

You deserved it 28 628

04/06/2011 20:42

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 149

You deserved it 34 500

Make up your mind

By choke on a dick, sir - 01/11/2013 22:47

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 636

You deserved it 7 655

04/10/2010 11:22

Today, I missed my history exam because they'd changed the day. Apparently they sent out an email to let everyone know. Too bad I'd banned myself from the internet in order to study for the exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 618

You deserved it 9 947

05/02/2017 07:00

Today, I start my second shift at my new job. Apparently, I'm closing by myself. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 859

You deserved it 508

27/10/2018 17:30

Today, my girlfriend's homophobic cousin claimed she saw me making out with my gay friend in public. I was home alone all day, but my girlfriend is crying and unconvinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 398

You deserved it 146

07/05/2009 12:39

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 466

You deserved it 5 898

Manlet issues

By falling short - 20/03/2015 15:26

Today, my best friend confessed to having feelings for me. I've been in love with her for a long time, so I was ecstatic. She doesn't see herself ever going out with me, though, because she's a couple of inches taller and can't imagine herself "towering" over her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 805

You deserved it 2 931

20/10/2009 01:10

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 921

You deserved it 36 731

28/02/2009 00:34

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 227

You deserved it 47 828

19/07/2018 19:00

Today, we did icebreakers at a summer program. I'm really awkward but I got paired with a really nice guy. I noticed his right hand was very soft, so I joked, "Do you only moisturize one hand?" Then I understood. Then he understood that I understood. We're partners all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 425

You deserved it 850

31/05/2009 05:48

Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 576

You deserved it 57 164

On yer bike

By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 20:00

Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 88

19/09/2014 17:58

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 908

You deserved it 4 156

Death wish

By nima - 23/02/2021 02:01

Today, my parents went on vacation and told me that it is "absolutely imperative" that I do the dishes while they are gone. Instead, the sink decided to break and nothing will fix it, so I'm currently writing out my will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 96

Classic

By notacreeper - 16/09/2021 17:52

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 766

You deserved it 5 389

10/11/2015 22:50

Today, on my way back to work after lunch, my airbags deployed at a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 827

You deserved it 1 659

Dogs 4 Life

By RIPFelicity - 21/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boss wrote me up for appearing "depressing" to customers. I told her that I was upset because my dog had to be put down yesterday. She told me, "Aw that’s sad. But guess what? That dog ain’t gonna pay your bills and put bread on your table. So cut the emo crap or you’re fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 201

11/05/2017 21:00

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 449

25/07/2009 22:17

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 872

You deserved it 37 998

24/11/2010 01:40

Today, I woke up early and went to the dermatologist's, only to have them tell me that the skin condition I have that causes big, white spots to appear is chronic and I can do nothing about it. But they did give me cream for a different skin condition they found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 336

You deserved it 2 388

18/02/2010 05:31

Today, I got fired. To make things worse, I had to sit in three-hour bumper to bumper traffic, waiting for a wreck to clear on my way home. In front of me was a fat man with a hairy butt crack on a motorcycle. I was forced to stare at a fat, underwear-less man's ass for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 139

You deserved it 3 913

18/03/2009 21:47

Today, I received a letter in the mail from my Grandma about how much she adores and loves me. Then it went into detail about how much prettier, smarter, and successful I am than my sister, Leah. I am Leah. She mixed up the letters to the wrong envelopes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 431

You deserved it 3 518

01/12/2010 19:35

Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 709

You deserved it 3 875

Your song

By None - 08/02/2009 17:18

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "It's okay, I still like the song." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 546

You deserved it 5 001

09/08/2009 00:02

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 941

You deserved it 3 524

13/04/2013 09:21

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 448

You deserved it 24 094

16/11/2018 15:30

Today, I told my son if he wanted the new internet password he had to clean his room. I then caught him disconnecting my laptop from the internet. Turns out he changed the password months ago and now if I want the new password he wants £50. I ended up paying. I'm actually proud of the sneaky sod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 3 343

14/10/2010 13:05

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 133

You deserved it 7 035

I'm not that old!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 02:01

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 146

23/03/2017 22:00

Today, my parents met my boyfriend for the first time. They spent the entire meal trying to convince him to dump me, all while I was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 516

You deserved it 371

02/05/2016 04:21

Today, I turned on my ceiling fan for the first time in months. I then watched as hundreds of furry spiders were flung across the room at high speed, in a circular pattern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 108

You deserved it 1 775

26/07/2013 13:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 067

You deserved it 5 524

18/07/2009 04:21

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 424

You deserved it 6 725

28/08/2010 04:54

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 329

You deserved it 39 073

08/10/2013 19:17

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 587

You deserved it 3 698

21/02/2011 22:20

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 478

You deserved it 3 400

04/05/2014 21:07

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 655

You deserved it 6 696

22/08/2015 10:18

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 070

You deserved it 7 993

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:08

Fail. YDI.

maz255 10

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:10

wht does screaming have to do with being at a party? do people just scream out at random?

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:08

Fail. YDI.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:47

agreed lmfao  ydi for being weird lmfao

liquidfireKAN 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 13:55

yeah I doubt they even cared.. That was a pretty stupid thing to do...

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 16:15

YDI for being selfish & not inviting anyone else over!

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 16:37

ydi for wanting to have a party. just get high by urself and then go fuck ur girlfriend it's basically the same experience but without all ur shit being broken and a hangover

Send a private message

Sunday 27 March 2011 4:00

81 shut up

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 4:29

forever alone...

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:10

your so lame

bugmefmlnotnow 7

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:10

You're

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:26

You're so vain, you probably think this comment is about you.

a_girl_i_know 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:38

Mike Posner song reference?

AtoZnumbersand_ 1

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:44

Mike Posner song reference? Wow... just... no. I was going to go off on a tangent about 12 year olds but according to your profile you're 23. You have no excuse. FOR SHAME!!!

a_girl_i_know 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:47

please explain what was so wrong with my comment

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:57

haha mike posner..... good one. Carly Simon ftw

a_girl_i_know 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 9:01

well I'm sorry I guess? He just has a song that contains a similar line.

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 9:09

it's ok it's not your fault, it's society's fault.

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 9:12

It's actually more or less the same line, but I was quoting Carly Simon's 'You're So Vain' from 1972.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 12:19

you think youre cooler than me

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 12:37

Nice life...

maz255 10

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:10

wht does screaming have to do with being at a party? do people just scream out at random?

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 9:01

It all depends on what you're on man.

CommonSenseKarma 17

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 9:41

Think about it, maz. Just sit back and think a looonng little think...

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 13:21

why can't they just whisper

SassiestLemon 2

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 17:40

57- Exactly, then everybody could be stoned in peace.

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 14:24

All the best parties are full of screamers

bugmefmlnotnow 7

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:12

YDI YDI; You deserve it you dumb idiot.

SassiestLemon 2

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 17:43

6- You're so right, you stupid, stupid face.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:15

wow..ydi for being so pathetic..maybe if you spent more time trying to get friends than pretending to have friends, then you'd actually have some.

iluffmcrandbvb 1

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 23:47

haha i love ur profile pic

Littlemiss__LOL 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:15

Agreed. Maybe you should spend less time pretending to have friends, and go out and actually make some.

a_girl_i_know 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:16

You're that desperate? That's just sad

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:17

I was going to ask if you screamed that loud during sex too, but with the above-stated desperate antics, I hardly doubt if those bushes down there aren't still filled with squirrels... Smh! YDI!

jimmyjamesyall 4

Send a private message

Sunday 27 March 2011 3:33

Wow, exactly none of that made sense. You're the worst person there is, except for OP.

Send a private message

Sunday 27 March 2011 6:04

OD lol.

Littlemiss__LOL 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:17

He should get an eviction notice!!

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:23

Wow I hope you're blow up doll wasn't traumatized

beryd 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 8:25

your

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 11:09

beryd likes it up the butt

Andie94Claudia 0

Send a private message

Saturday 26 March 2011 14:20

lmao right! poor doll!