Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

By Wowsers. - 30/1/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

I agree, your life sucks

13741

You deserved it

35892

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Big baby man

Compassion

A beautiful truck decoration

By sihehe - 28/4/2020 05:00

Hide and seek

Today, my cat got diarrhea. My house is under renovation at the moment. I can smell it, but I don't know where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1448

You deserved it

175

Favorite

By cs - 13/2/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28707

You deserved it

4954

Favorite

By chocolaterabbit - 2/11/2009 12:41 - Australia

Today, my friends created a fake Facebook profile of a girl, and asked me to be in a relationship. Even my friends think I can't get a real girlfriend, and need a fake one to feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32022

You deserved it

4447

Favorite

By Arachnofail - 8/4/2016 04:16 - France - Goussainville

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22068

You deserved it

4447

Favorite

By alejita - 2/3/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55989

You deserved it

9791

Favorite

By Waheyyy - 7/9/2009 19:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56042

You deserved it

7955

Favorite

By howannoying - 16/2/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31174

You deserved it

3881

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/5/2019 20:03

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

I agree, your life sucks

2183

You deserved it

352

Favorite

By got any coupons? - 23/12/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38800

You deserved it

3381

Favorite

By Ashley - 3/5/2016 04:25 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 5 years won't propose/marry me. He would rather wait for his estranged wife to meet someone, fall in love, decide to get married, and do the filing herself. He doesn't want to pay the couple of hundred dollars for the uncontested divorce filing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13661

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2235

Favorite

By skeletor - 18/2/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

66817

You deserved it

21393

Favorite

By FUCK - 22/7/2013 18:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48157

You deserved it

10801

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26210

You deserved it

4335

Favorite

By thanksmom - 30/4/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50772

You deserved it

3193

Favorite

By awkwardRA - 19/9/2018 03:30

Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3629

You deserved it

403

Favorite

By Sgt_Jackrum - 5/2/2016 10:27 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24121

You deserved it

2353

Favorite

By vanessa_d15 - 10/11/2009 09:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10435

You deserved it

23530

Favorite

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 13:47 - Austria - Vienna

Today, while reading 1984 on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39924

You deserved it

3235

Favorite

By DietWater - 7/8/2015 22:13 - United States - Beaumont

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25331

You deserved it

2269

Favorite

By blumaster04 - 22/12/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27224

You deserved it

4019

Favorite

By Andrew - 20/4/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50183

You deserved it

11647

Favorite

By Kelsey Dynes - 6/4/2020 17:00

Meat Market

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and my doctor had to examine my abdomen. I'm generally a pretty fit woman. After touching my abdomen, my doctor called me "the perfect specimen" and asked me if I was single because his son is also single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1782

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By shit - 28/4/2016 11:05 - United States - Colonial Heights

Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12867

You deserved it

8016

Favorite

By rinala - 1/7/2012 07:07

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25677

You deserved it

3199

Favorite

By Randy Savage - 2/2/2009 16:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17763

You deserved it

70193

Favorite

By sleepwalker - 14/9/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32501

You deserved it

8339

Favorite

By Why Is It Always Me - 21/2/2017 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5485

You deserved it

2993

Favorite

By recordyear - 9/8/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32763

You deserved it

7471

Favorite

By moon_paw - 28/11/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38915

You deserved it

10560

Favorite

By werewolfoflondon - 3/11/2010 02:16 - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28470

You deserved it

2865

Favorite

By idontgetit - 12/6/2012 23:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13910

You deserved it

30476

Favorite

By crazy cat lady - 3/12/2014 23:24 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35211

You deserved it

3654

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/3/2012 20:17 - United States - Fresno

Today, I twisted my ankle during a round of golf, after trying to do a fancy jumping high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9205

You deserved it

26032

Favorite

By BadKneeBackAndSinuses - 23/9/2018 15:30

Today, I found out I have to have an operation. This will be the third in 3 years, all for completely unrelated reasons. I'm only 26 and apparently my body is already falling apart at the seams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2710

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 02:37 - United States

Today, I was applying for a job at a corporate office. Everything went fine until I hurled all over the manager, who until then seemed to like me. Never eat expired canned tuna on the same day as an interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8928

You deserved it

34494

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 12:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23876

You deserved it

3938

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/3/2010 21:40 - United States

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31085

You deserved it

2500

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46236

You deserved it

10652

Favorite

By wtf - 16/6/2016 06:02 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11172

You deserved it

5791

Favorite

By SoupCanoe - 29/8/2011 08:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42951

You deserved it

3833

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SHAAAAAARK | 1

#809475 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:10

Family Guy much?

By Raina1122 | 0

#809477 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:10

WTF is wrong with that??!

Comments

By chasin_butterfli | 0

#809471 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:09

and?

lmtlmt | 7

#809653 - Saturday 30 January 2010 17:03

Yea exactly and? This is by no means an FML, its not even funny in the slightest

omnistryder | 0

#809788 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:12

don't litter FML with this nonsense please

RevengeOnYou | 0

#809816 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:25

Sounds fake. No normal human being can wake up in their own farts. If so, then your on the world record for the loudest farts :]

Hot_Gurl4556 | 0

#809841 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:39

I agree with won just live with it man

Ajjas013 | 6

#809898 - Saturday 30 January 2010 19:07

Oh no, you'll never be the same.

Misty3242 | 0

#809940 - Saturday 30 January 2010 19:28

WhooAaa relax! Y do u think it's nonsense

bboi68 | 0

#810204 - Saturday 30 January 2010 20:37

WTF #1 how is this an fml happens to me all the time

kaycee_lynn | 0

#810269 - Saturday 30 January 2010 20:59

It's obviously not nonsense if the site approved it. Apparently they want stuff like this to be posted.

nood_fml | 0

#810276 - Saturday 30 January 2010 21:00

I'm calling an mlia on this one

Danielt104 | 6

#810412 - Saturday 30 January 2010 22:02

Well, you don't deserve it. You can't help a fart, but not really FYL either. Go post this on MLIA.

Talksyic | 0

#810740 - Sunday 31 January 2010 0:07

The first thing I thought when I read this was that it sounded like something that would be on MLIA. This is by no means an FML moment.

xesyeso | 0

#810762 - Sunday 31 January 2010 0:15

lmfao ahahaha

Zamax | 0

#810966 - Sunday 31 January 2010 1:21

This is exactly why there should be one of the following buttons:
1.Who gives a fuck?
2.So?
3.Your point is?
4.And?
Take your pick.

DonkeyDelight | 0

#811358 - Sunday 31 January 2010 3:46

And this has had a huge impact on your life?

FarSide | 22

#811378 - Sunday 31 January 2010 3:53

I guess we all have a Cross to bear in life...

amy4423 | 0

#811580 - Sunday 31 January 2010 5:20

ewww!!

gomego87 | 0

#811717 - Sunday 31 January 2010 6:02

WTF it happens to you all the time? --> someones cool.. -.-

PottentialFML | 0

#811787 - Sunday 31 January 2010 6:38

maybe it smelt like sperm and it turns out he got raped last night by some gay dude

kaycee_lynn | 0

#812928 - Sunday 31 January 2010 17:39

@sshole .

fickendichdu | 0

#817143 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 1:30

#64. Gere is your FML said won instead of one and people noticed noticed on FML.

fickendichdu | 0

#817152 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 1:32

Then I screwed up too damn. FML

zen_fml | 0

#825895 - Friday 5 February 2010 1:46

happens to me all the time. i just feel better and go back to sleep :)

metalhead256 | 0

#915830 - Friday 5 March 2010 4:11

hey 97 this is a stupid fml and you know it so don't try to defend it

By jon_fylxD | 0

#809474 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:10

how is this an fml?

masri_fml | 0

#809541 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:23

seriously haha how is this an fml?!?!?!?

youdidwhatnow | 0

#809763 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:02

It could be an fml if the OP woke up because they sharted. Other than that it's not.

9x_Periwinkle_x6 | 0

#809868 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:53

this made me laugh... lmao

ZleveL | 0

#809944 - Saturday 30 January 2010 19:29

OH GOLLY your life is fucked becuase your excretory system was doin it's job! Oh Noes! what are you gonna do now?

GAY

Zills | 0

#811818 - Sunday 31 January 2010 6:53

#52 ftw

By SHAAAAAARK | 1

#809475 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:10

Family Guy much?

AshliBaby16 | 0

#809507 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:15

it does sound familar doesn't it.?? what happened to being original...

iCrazie | 0

#810661 - Saturday 30 January 2010 23:30

lol my uncle was sleep one day farted loud as hell and woke himself up. a lot funnier when your their.

By Raina1122 | 0

#809477 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:10

WTF is wrong with that??!

trini_gal171 | 0

#2327337 - Monday 11 April 2011 0:13

^ exactly what I was going 2 say

By carrotpuke | 0

#809478 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:11

i love it when that happens

samcody96792 | 0

#809878 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:58

ew gross.

setsuna17 | 0

#814783 - Monday 1 February 2010 6:04

americuzz | 8

#1402586 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 6:50

haha that happened to my bro too. it was FUNNY !!

By LOL97_fml | 0

#809484 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:12

fart in yer sleep? ew much?!

NeonWar__ | 0

#809491 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:12

LOL are you a robot or something?

pompompom_fml | 0

#810492 - Saturday 30 January 2010 22:28

he can't hear it so he think he doesn(t do it

By Amandaax | 0

#809489 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:12

eww that's not a fml ;S

By TutorialBoy101 | 0

#809493 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:12

lolage

By Goople | 0

#809497 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:13

cutt off the beans or use a cork

By Vehicle | 1

#809506 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:15

Who cares? Stop eating bean burritos before bed. Wow. Retarded.