Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML
Today, I met my coworker's kids during a cookout. I joked to her eldest son that he was awfully short for a seventeen-year-old. He responded, "Well, you're awfully ugly for the town slut." Everyone laughed, including my boss. FML
Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML
Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML
Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Today, my dad got promoted and ended up as my boss. I thought I’d finally have a manager I get along with, who could maybe throw a few perks my way. Nope. Dad was very clear that he was going to be a complete bastard to me at work to make absolutely sure no one could accuse him of favouritism. FML
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Today, I brought my mom to my work’s annual party. She insisted on meeting my boss and introduced herself as my "very supportive, overly involved mother." To make it worse, she gave him a lecture about how I was “just too shy” to ask for a raise. My boss is now both confused and terrified. FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
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Top comments
Runninvegan 8
Your son needs to get his ass kicked pronto.
hopsinlove17 26
Hopefully your boss was able to tell your kid was being a douche...
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Comments (179)
TheyCallMeDamien 18
I'd tell my son he better never ask me for money. The day he turned 18 his bags would be by the door.
mizteri 1
I see you don't properly disappoint your kid. :) I hope you made sure not to give him any more privileges, like latest games, newest cell phone, Internet. You can then tell him that cause you didn't get the promotion you can't pay for his luxuries. ._. Unless he has now got you wrapped around his fingers...that only means...you deserve it.
User90210 5
Too Funny! You should be proud!
afairshake 8
Well if that was my son he would have been sent away from the table with no dinner to his room after the first comment. I'm shocked you'd let him stay and say more then one utterly terrible thing. He needs some discipline and to be taught manners obviously. For sure needs to be grounded at the very least and the old bar of soap still works pretty well. I'd say your boss wasn't impressed if you can't control your own child how can you control situations in the workplace.
Boob_fml 6
Fortunately, he turns 16 soon and will be able to get a job to compensate for the difference in wages the promotion could have made.
the_true_batman 10
Don't have kids. Children are always a bad idea. People tell me I'm heartless, but it's true more often than not. Children are a lot of hard work and responsibility, and more often than not they aren't anywhere near worth it.
white16sox 19
99, by your "logic," we would all just die out.
prettypinkpixie 9
99 Someone should have given your parents that exact same speech before they conceived you.
the_true_batman 10
I don't think it would be bad for humans to die out, nor would I have cared if I was never conceived, I wouldn't even be aware of the fact. The only bad thing in existence is suffering, and since neither involve suffering (and in fact both involve less suffering), there is nothing wrong with either.
dixiefoxx 22
I'm 15, and this guy seems like a douche, I'd never do that to my mom, I'd try to be as nice as possible to her boss for her, I'm sorry about your son, OP
dogpup4 23
What the ****? Is he an idiot? Why wouldn't you want your dad to get a promotion?
lcemaster 4
I have to agree with one of his statements. I shower every morning, not at night. But still he had no excuse to be such a jerk. Military school awaits!
crazyluvbug 8
Why in the hell you would you bring a teenage boy to such an Important dinner?? You should know your son well enough that would have happened...you at least should have bribed him to be quiet or really good or something. Guys that age don't give a damn about you or the rest of his family and they sure don't care about the backfire from their actions. You should punish the hell outta him.