Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML
Today, I met my coworker's kids during a cookout. I joked to her eldest son that he was awfully short for a seventeen-year-old. He responded, "Well, you're awfully ugly for the town slut." Everyone laughed, including my boss. FML
Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML
Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML
Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Today, my dad got promoted and ended up as my boss. I thought I’d finally have a manager I get along with, who could maybe throw a few perks my way. Nope. Dad was very clear that he was going to be a complete bastard to me at work to make absolutely sure no one could accuse him of favouritism. FML
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Today, I brought my mom to my work’s annual party. She insisted on meeting my boss and introduced herself as my "very supportive, overly involved mother." To make it worse, she gave him a lecture about how I was “just too shy” to ask for a raise. My boss is now both confused and terrified. FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
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Top comments
Runninvegan 8
Your son needs to get his ass kicked pronto.
hopsinlove17 26
Hopefully your boss was able to tell your kid was being a douche...
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Comments (179)
crazy4uboi 6
You'd think that your boss would understand I mean you did say he was 15...
brandonwlker8618 1
Botches aint chit but hoes and tricks haha
SchwaggHall 9
Wow! Thats funny in a REALLY REALLY REALLY messed up way. FYL op...
poorjudgement 26
I'm sorry, but that honestly looks like parential failure. My nephew is 15 and he never would dare to try something like that. My second niece, too. All my siblings and myself had our ups and downs, some really bad situations, too. But when we had been requested to behave it was damn sure we'd behave.
canzonetta 16
You know what is as funny and witty as keeping your parents from getting a promotion? Not getting anything for christmas!!
Jirekianu2 19
Welp, guess who just volunteered to make up that raise in pay? Your son! No birthday or christmas gifts or anything. For the next year should make it clear.
ellytoad 13
You let him stay? My mom would have saved face by sending me straight to my room the minute I started making her look bad like that.
Darr3n 0
you arent bringing up your kid right and your kids an idiot to be honest.
doodlecloud 27
Aaaaand I've now learnt that showering before bed is apparently a thing. Is it followed by another shower in the morning or just a wash? If the former then why bother with the first (unless you obviously had a really dirty day)? If the latter...well, that's just gross. You sweat so much when you sleep, you've gotta have a shower afterwards. Dunno why you'd include that particular line to show how bad your kid is, seems like a valid question.
MoNnEy_MiiTE 3
Well isn't your son a keeper, eh!