Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML
Today, I met my coworker's kids during a cookout. I joked to her eldest son that he was awfully short for a seventeen-year-old. He responded, "Well, you're awfully ugly for the town slut." Everyone laughed, including my boss. FML
Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML
Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML
Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Today, my dad got promoted and ended up as my boss. I thought I’d finally have a manager I get along with, who could maybe throw a few perks my way. Nope. Dad was very clear that he was going to be a complete bastard to me at work to make absolutely sure no one could accuse him of favouritism. FML
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Today, I brought my mom to my work’s annual party. She insisted on meeting my boss and introduced herself as my "very supportive, overly involved mother." To make it worse, she gave him a lecture about how I was “just too shy” to ask for a raise. My boss is now both confused and terrified. FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
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Top comments
Runninvegan 8
Your son needs to get his ass kicked pronto.
hopsinlove17 26
Hopefully your boss was able to tell your kid was being a douche...
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Comments (179)
HSOMGF 5
You realize this is a reflection of your parenting skills, right? YDI.
CCDNRGD81411 3
My mom cussed around me constantly when driving to school and i turned out polite and without the vulgarity. Your logic is flawed
BatemanFML 0
13- My mother and father were horrible parents. I was a little shit for a long time, yet my twin sister was, and still is, a ******* saint. How do you explain your logic?
blacktower 13
YDI you should of taught the kid some better manners. Shame on you.
curlyfry33 8
I agree a little with 13, children do learn how to act and how not to act from what there parents taught them but every kid is different and some just are really rebellious and like the other guy said the kid might have an extra douse of hormones or something and you can't control that so you can't really blame the parents.
kaymkaym98 0
Kids have a mind of there own. Nothing to do with that.
randomkayx3 11
Not true at all. My parents are both ignorant and childish. I can never talk to them seriously. I'm 15 and I'm already looking into colleges and I'm excited about it. I told them I wanted to go to San Francisco State and they laughed in my face. My older siblings and my younger sister have no respect for anything. I do. It's definitely NOT a reflection of your parents.
Blunt person 16
Should have, not should of.
harrison918 5
Control your son.
MyaaBayyBee 6
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks is a song , but your son needs manners . Teach him .
MrsAlexander83 10
Did you pop him right in the mouth and tell him "hoes also keep their mouths shut!" Or better yet...take everything out of his room but his mattress and blanket and tell him that's what his life will be like if you lose your job!
kittenvks 11
I personally think you're getting luxurious with the mattress and blanket. He shouldn't have both.
loserboii 11
On the contrary hoes can't keep their mouths shut ;)
xpaulatanx 10
I highly advocate either disowning or beating the everloving **** out of your son. He should know better. YOU should do your goddamned job as a parent.
pokefan813 16
I couldn't agree more. P.S. : that "spanking promotes violence" bull is a myth. I was spanked many times in my childhood years and I never got into a fight. I grew up in Brooklyn. Fights left and right.
Commander223 9
It's the stuff like giving a kid a black eye for little things that can **** them up. You have to set your own boundaries with this kind of thing. I was always spanked as a kid when I was being a little shit and now I respect my elders, know good manners, etc. My sister was never spanked and now she is the biggest, selfish, bitter bitch in the world
Primmly 11
I never understood having your boss over for dinner. Keep your home life and work separate- next time take your boss out to a restaurant. :/ Your family should have no bearing on your eligibility for a promotion.
BabySparkle1 15
Your son sounds like a little shit, who deserves a smack across the head. I suggest punishing your child instead of posting on FML.
MsConfusedd 27
But if everyone did that, we wouldn't be able to laugh at people's hilarious misfortunes!
amandarrr 3
So at any point during the evening did you man up and be a ******* parent or did you just let your turd of a son be a little **** all night?
TheDrifter 24
With that sort of attitude towards showering and women, I'll bet your son is a hit with the ladies.
Welshite 40
I think he'd be hit BY the ladies.
13scarlett13 4
Ground that little bitch for life.