Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML
Today, I got married to the love of my life, with whom I've been with for 5 years. It's also one of the 3 times a year where he's got so drunk that, instead of puking in the bed like last time, he puked all over the side of my car while I was driving us home. FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML
Today, I married my best friend in the whole world at a small romantic venue. By that I mean I married my actual best mate while completely hammered at a drive-through wedding chapel. My fiancée is gonna kill me when she finds out. FML
Today, after almost two days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML
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Top comments
waveman56 3
on the bright side..... you had a good ******
underguarded 20
****** =win husband=fail fact that you married him= unexplainable
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Comments (172)
pdp_fml 21
I say that you should give your husband a chance to make it up to you.
goatmanjizz 0
this made me hard omg asl omg fap fap* in ur ear let the **** come down ur ear lobe
murphythadog 0
He's just paying it forward for all the times you will withhold sex from him in the future.
perdix 31
You might want to look into having a threesome with a bidet.
Judus_beej 0
win! x 1000000000000000
mylifesucksserio 15
well your husbands the one that really had anything to loose
coolcatch 0
What was the jacuzzi doing in the kitchen?
xAustinZx 0
hahaha
califbob 3
Get out of the hottub and go make your new hubby a sandwich!!!
Mpsteve13 7
your husband can't make you ****** but he can put you in a ****** hotel suite, oh yea **** your life
hhbett53 0
Maybe she paid for the suite. Maybe it was a gift. Don't make such caveman assumptions.
Zebidee 9
OMFG! A hotel room for your wedding night?! What a bourgeois elitist decadent thing to do!!
Emrysa 1
"Bourgeois, elitist, decadent." One of these things is not like the other.
NianRakluz 0
Maybe he just had to do that. He might had realised just then what he would have to go through till he dies/gets a divorce (whichever comes first) every single ******* day of his life and the realisation came too late till after the wedding and now he just had to keep on drowning his sorrows by getting drunk. FHL.
dmantheplaya 0
thats wicked. his loss for passing out. i would recomend getting your self a good *****. so you can give your self as many as you want.