Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML
Today, I got married to the love of my life, with whom I've been with for 5 years. It's also one of the 3 times a year where he's got so drunk that, instead of puking in the bed like last time, he puked all over the side of my car while I was driving us home. FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML
Today, I married my best friend in the whole world at a small romantic venue. By that I mean I married my actual best mate while completely hammered at a drive-through wedding chapel. My fiancée is gonna kill me when she finds out. FML
Today, after almost two days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML
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Top comments
waveman56 3
on the bright side..... you had a good ******
underguarded 20
****** =win husband=fail fact that you married him= unexplainable
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Comments (172)
Franco24 0
dirty. in more than one way. x:
mbeasley14 0
"The Hot Tub ****** Machine" coming to theaters near you!
xSgtTh0masx 0
lmao
ashseal 11
hahahahahaha that's hilarious!
Doortje 30
Look at the bright side: now you know what to ask foe your birthday :)
mzeemzima 0
are you hot? coz I don't blame him if you are not... just saying
Zmeilerr 22
Did your husbands 13 month old baby punch him and knock him out?
ThaMilkshake 0
best ****** without you husband, are you sure you even want him to be tour husband? xD
perdix 31
Make sure you live in a house with a jacuzzi and a lot of beer.
towboatdude 0
Huuummm maybe we should hook up then. your wedding night sounds like mine. Except my wife took the wrong meds. and got so ****** up. All she could do was sleep.
Zebidee 9
The best thing is that because he wasn't awake to see it, he'll never suspect a thing when you install a Jacuzzi at your house.
robc32ca 4
sounds like you're getting a jacuzzi tub after the honeymoon