Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML
Today, I got married to the love of my life, with whom I've been with for 5 years. It's also one of the 3 times a year where he's got so drunk that, instead of puking in the bed like last time, he puked all over the side of my car while I was driving us home. FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML
Today, I married my best friend in the whole world at a small romantic venue. By that I mean I married my actual best mate while completely hammered at a drive-through wedding chapel. My fiancée is gonna kill me when she finds out. FML
Today, after almost two days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML
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Top comments
waveman56 3
on the bright side..... you had a good ******
underguarded 20
****** =win husband=fail fact that you married him= unexplainable
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Comments (172)
ReginalUT 0
Guess you should've found out he was a douche before marrying him. YDI
mazzera_fml 7
how is passing out considered a douchey thing to do.. give the guy a break.
Brandi_Faith 34
Ummm because it was their wedding night and he was more focused on the booze than making love to her! Just a thought...
Brandi_Faith 34
Ummm because it was their wedding night and he was more focused on the booze than making love to her! Just a thought...
mbeasley14 0
Booze > sex.....
docscientist 10
Are you serious? Weddings are an all day affair, the guy was probably exhausted.
DjeePee 25
Exhausted and drunk. The last one is his own fault.
gooBUZZ 0
You're stupid. I haven't been married before, but from attending weddings and such I know that everyone tries to have a good time. Obviously OP's husband was having a great time, since drinking equals fun. Good day, sir.
Zebidee 9
I think this is pretty common. The combination of an extremely long day and a huge amount of alcohol means that the wedding night isn't always the sweet, sweet loving with candles and rose petals you see in the movies. As long as he gets his act together on the honeymoon, I think it's not the biggest drama in the world.
guckylynn 19
Most people don't have sex on their wedding night. Usually you're so exhausted all you want to do is sleep.
Freeze_fml 17
What the hell are you talking about? Haven't you heard of consummating a marriage?
DocBastard 40
I totally agree with Freeze. Mrs. Bastard and I were completely drained after the wedding and reception and we had an early morning flight to our honeymoon the next day, but we made damn sure to consummate. A tornado ripping through the building would not have stopped us. OP's husband is a jackass for getting drunk at his own wedding, plain and simple.
duhh10 0
it doesn't have to be consummated the exact night of the wedding. it just isn't "finalized" until you do have sex for the first time after saying your vows.
RedPillSucks 33
Clearly, she consummated it with the jacuzzi. I wonder what they'll name the kids?
Zebidee 9
If it's a girl - um - Bubbles? Oh! If it's a boy - that's easy - take a leaf out of John Travolta's book and call him Jett!
DocBastard 40
Nicely played, Zeb.
barneyfife 0
batteries not included! lmao
alaaloo_fml_fml 0
That's a shame.. wedding nights are suppose to be romantic and memorable. Well, yours will be memorable I suppose.
purple_zebras_ 0
water pressure gives the best orgasms!
abc1231 2
Oohhh yeah! it's awesome..
mbeasley14 0
Probably the only one you will get....
Quest_ 13
Someone's threatened by running taps!
holaworld 0
wow harsh. your very mean
rockhound 0
You're one to talk, Bieber. Now shut the **** up.
purple_zebras_ 0
lol aww your so sweet thank you :P
rooj 0
what are you doing away from the cooker? get back in there!!
Zmeilerr 22
^
RonnieBurgundy 0
You're off to a good start if you ask me.
xLostInTheCrowdx 0
Oh that's saddening. Poor you, but on the bright side at least you got an ******?
Kez1181 0
Haha #22 is really irrelevant
marcelenobeno 0
I think she deserves it in a good way. rub it in his face too. asshole
3thanXD 0
Should have married the jacuzzi...
maybaybe 0
lol true